I want an au where after the club scene ilya takes that girl home, has sex with her in his hotel room, and then falls asleep wishing he’d never come onto shane hollander in the showers. and then he wakes up the next morning in a world where that’s true. they never hooked up. shane treats him with all the polite, neutral professionalism of a colleague who doesn’t like him that much. nothing else about Ilya’s life is different. it’s just that his shane no longer exists. ilya’s the only one who remembers.
13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?
I do outline my fics, almost every one of them. Sometimes it’s a major outline on a google or word doc (I have one for a WIP outline that is currently two pages long and growing), but most of the time it is haphazard notes thrown together on the notes app on my phone. I try to write down all the ideas that come to me as I get them, most of the time in the shower or when I’m getting ready for bed and have time to just think about writing.
You can ask @present-mel, @linestrider, and @enjifuckersupreme about how long and headache inducing my outlines can be haha. Also my outlines and notes are written mainly for me to understand, so sometimes they seem choppy and like they don’t make a lick of sense.
38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?
Hm, I would probably say the chaos level of my writing process is really low, like maybe a 3-4 on that scale. I normally plan my work with an outline or notes like I mentioned above, and the try to take my time in writing what comes to my head. I do get lost sometimes googling things to make sure something I say is correct and then end up lost in a wikipedia hole, but most of the time it’s just me chilling out on my bed or couch and just writing what comes to mind that night.
How do you generally do fic outlines? I'm wondering for personal doc- writing purposes and my I capability to plan well.
To begin, I split the fic into different scenes. Typically, one scene will have one major event in it. This helps me keep track of what has been written and what has not.
I create the table with four columns: Scene Number, Description, Significance and Written. I’ll explain these all.
Scene Number: This is fairly standard. This is the number, in order, of the scene.
Description: This is the events in the scene. This can be as simple as one sentence depending on the length of the scene.
Significance: This is why the scene is important. I have five main categories for why a scene is important.
Setting exposition: This shows the setting in plain terms as it was before the beginning of the events.
Character exposition: This shows (a) character(s) in plain terms as they were before the beginning of the events.
Character introduction: An important character, who is relevant to the plot, is introduced in this scene.
Character development: This scene shows how a character changes than from their original exposition.
Plot advancement: Important events in the plot play out in this scene.
In simpler fics, scenes may only fall into one of these categories. In more complicated fics, two or three may apply.
Written: A yes or No category, simply stating if this scene has been written.
Sometimes I may also include a Word Count column for easy access.
Here is a screenshot of the outline for the first chapter of the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls, a recent fic of mine.
I am looooving that professional dom ilya/hockey player shane WIP and it’s making me crave so many more sex worker AUs (I’m a simple woman I love a lightly problematic trope). I think ilya as the sex worker is soooooo compelling because he could hold so much power over shane in the bedroom (esp in a d/s dynamic) and yet in reality have little or no power outside of it (working in an illegal or dubiously legal profession, potentially facing immigration status issues, financial insecurity, etc). but you know me… I look at a sweet earnest tryhard boy like shane hollander and I whisper get ‘em under my breath so I would also for sure read a fic where sex worker shane is doing his best to be a professional and do his job well and conceal from rich pro hockey player ilya just how unstable his circumstances are becoming. not asking for anything or mentioning anything that’s happening in his life because ilya’s made it clear that this is purely transactional. he’s paying for access to shane’s body. he’s not going to want to hear some sob story about shane getting evicted from his apartment unexpectedly in the dead of winter and not having anywhere to go if, say, his client decides to put some distance between them and tells shane he doesn’t need him to stay the night.
"I think that spit in his mouth / choking / slapping could be rolled into that one fic concept I was kicking around where shane’s the one pushing for kinkier and more intense stuff and ilya’s an enthusiastic participant right up until he gets super overwhelmed. I think slapping and choking, esp if combined with any kind of lightly degrading humiliation kink, could REALLY get ilya in his own head about being an asshole like his brother "
God, this such a juicy concept, I would give at least a kidney to read an exploration of Ilya being the one to tap out/safeword and all that entails/untangles in thier relationship.
I think it might really freak both of them out. I don’t see these two idiots having any kind of safeword system so I imagine that ilya just keeps pushing himself through it because it’s what shane wants and he wants to give shane what shane wants and yeah he feels kind of numb and there’s this weird ringing in his ears and he can’t stop looking at the shane’s slack mouth and the slapped-red flush of shane’s cheek ilya did that to him he hit him and hit him he hurt him and shane’s crying and ilya’s still inside of him and he has to do this because shane asked him to do this he has to put his hand on shane’s throat and hold him down and fuck him hard while tears leak from shane’s eyes because this is what shane wants from him this is what he’s good for this what shane looked at him and saw inside of him. I think he makes it through shane’s orgasm and then he goes off to the bathroom to clean up and takes forever coming back and shane can sense that something’s gone weird between them (it feels like post-vegas all over again) but he doesn’t know how to bring it up and also he still has some of his own half-repressed insecurities about the way ilya will just withdraw from him, go totally blank, become remote and inaccessible, and so of course he starts spiraling too… your classic sub drop vs. dom drop in the same bed now y’all both upset and crying to quote the iconic tweet.
I’m still laughing at hudson’s quote about how they came up with the face slapping in the hayden phone call blowjob scene… I can’t remember the exact phrasing but he’s like yeah I was practicing my monologue all morning, just working at it, and connor was being a helpful scene partner running it with me. but connor has zero lines in that part lmao so by “being a helpful scene partner” do you mean he spent all morning with his head buried in your lap pretending to suck your dick? because if so I need the fic
shane getting outed in his early years is such an intriguing concept. How do you think hollanov could work again after something like that? Like shane got burned so bad in the exact way he was always afraid it would happen and to then see ilya getting away scott free? The jealousy and resentment would be crazyyyyyy (and really juicy)
fell asleep thinking about this concept and woke up still thinking about it... gosh the angst is delicious. i think to figure out how the hollanov dynamic would unfold you would have to first figure out how the outing impacts both of them. for shane, i think it's like... if he were older and more well-established, i think he would still have to walk through his personal version of hell (violation of privacy, losing control of his public image, strangers knowing everything about his private life, etc), but he would at least have the security of knowing like, i'm really, really fucking good at my job. i've won cups for this franchise and this city. i've paid my fucking dues. so if they want to hate me they can hate me but i know who i am. but shane getting outed two or three years into his career, maybe as his ELC is expiring? he hasn't won a cup. i'm pretty sure montreal misses the playoffs at least once in those first couple years (because ilya texts him playoffs are fun why aren't you here or something teasing like that) so like, fairly or unfairly, he's probably starting to get heat for not IMMEDIATELY saving the franchise. the internal and external pressure he's putting on himself must be intense.
and then somehow he gets outed, and it's like... suddenly he goes from being this up-and-coming superstar, former rookie of the year, hottest item in the league, to nobody wanting to touch him. i don't think montreal dumps him right away... i think they just sort of start burying him. no contact with the press. they ask him to give up the C because the scandal is a "distraction" for the team. his on-ice performance takes a hit under the stress and they use it as a reason to demote him from the top power play unit. refs stop calling penalties against him and look the other way when guys call him slurs on the ice, and he starts getting pissed off (he's so angry he's so helpless he's so so so so so so so powerless) and getting into fights, which means he gets penalized, which gives the coaching staff an excuse to bench or scratch him, which means his points totals drop even further, which means he starts taking more and more heat in the press for not performing to expectations... combined of course with rumors coming out about locker room tensions, conflicts with the coaching staff, attitude issues, leadership issues, the impact his behavior has on the young fans who'd looked up to him, etc etc etc.
it just never fucking ends!!! not to mention he's been quietly dropped from all his sponsorships and his family/home life has become incredibly tense. i think his parents are 1000% in his corner (one thing about the hollanders is that they're gonna love shane!!) but in some ways that almost makes it worse? shane has to watch them put on a brave face about everything, trying to act like it'll all blow over and it'll be fine, all while knowing that they can't go out in public anymore without fans harassing them or jeering at them or asking invasive questions. all of his mom's dreams and plans for his future have turned to ash. he's wasted the years and years of financial and emotional sacrifices they made for him.
and then let's think about ilya... i think the outing happens so early in their relationship that ilya can sort of tell himself: it's not my fault, i don't owe this guy anything, i don't even know him, we were just fucking. he's young and scared and fucking stupid, and when shane offers him an out (makes it clear that he's not going to name the other guy in the video), ilya seizes it. shane's the one who offered!!! shane's the one who said he'd take the fall. shane's the one who said something painful about how - he wouldn't wish this on anyone, he gets it, he knows the scandal would make things hard for ilya in russia. and if ilya sort of feeds him those lines, like - my family, my country, i don't know if i could go home - well. shane's the one who said he didn't have to come out. ilya just shared what would happen to him and shane made the call. except of COURSE ilya knows what the right thing to do was. and as he watches shane's entire life and career implode he knows 1) he did the right thing to protect himself, but also 2) he doesn't deserve to ever be forgiven for it. i think that the guilt and shame of what he's done (or failed to do) would eat him alive. ilya shame thesis dialed up to 11 million. he's a bad person. he's a fundamentally rotten, dishonest person without integrity, someone who hurts people and ruins them by touching them. he can't be accountable for his own actions; he pushes the blame onto others. ever since he was a boy.
i think ilya would go to some pretty dark places in the years after he lets shane hollander take the fall. and i also think he would completely shut off all conscious thought about it. he's not sitting there thinking I'm a bad person. it's just this roiling, molten sludge of toxic self-loathing churning underneath the surface of his every thought and action. and he channels it all into his hockey, and his star just continues to ascend, and there's nobody who can even come close to touching him, because the one guy who could've given him a run for is money is playing fourth-line minutes for some playoff bubble team, shuttling back and forth between the MLH and the AHL, living out of moving boxes he doesn't bother to unpack anymore because chances are he's not going to be here next october.
and then when shane gets traded to boston and they meet again....... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. i think that, obviously, they don't start hooking up right away... in fact i think shane is polite and professional and completely closed off at first. acts like he doesn't know ilya. which he doesn't really, because - they're not anything. they fucked a handful of times a million years ago and then ilya let shane take the fall and they never spoke again. but of course there is STILL that magnetic draw between them - and it's intensified by the fact that ilya can't stop thinking about shane, watching him, etc. oof maybe shane even confronts him about it after a month or two, and it's the first time they've even referenced what happened between them - shane basically getting him alone and being like i won't be here for long, don't worry, but in the meantime can you fucking chill, because it makes it a lot harder for me when the captain is visibly, palpably uncomfortable with the f-- in his locker room. i think the appeal for me here is just like. a shane who is harder, more closed off, more guarded in his professional life, and an ilya who is just like. vibrating out of his skin with the need to atone and the understanding that he can never fucking atone. never. he can never walk back what he did.
BUT THEN ALSO WHAT APPEALS TO ME is like i wonder if, for shane, what happened gave him a measure of freedom that he never would've had otherwise. he fucks men now. super discreetly, yes, and not all that often during the season, and okay maybe he still has some fucked up emotional baggage he uses sex to work through, but like. he's not coming to ilya as the same nervous, closeted virgin, looking to ilya to give him direction. he knows he's gay, and the price for that self-knowledge was a lot fucking higher than he wanted to pay, but he paid it. whereas i think ilya comes into this dynamic just like... having MARINATED in that shame, secrecy, guilt, self-loathing for so many years... i think he stopped hooking up with men altogether, because it was way too fucking risky and also because it made him feel kind of sick thinking about shane. and he's also just, like, vibrating out of his fucking skin with the need to do penance, to atone, to make up for what he did in some way.
i think it's gotta be a pretty intense slow burn where you KNOW they're going to hook up again and they both have really complicated feelings about it but the pull is SOOOO strong. and then when they inevitably do start hooking up again i think things get really messed up between them emotionally because they're not talking about all about what happened or what's happening right now and they're both like. using this to work through something, but in ways that hurt them both. and it's gonna take them a long time to figure out how to heal themselves and each other.
There is a sugar baby adjacent canon divergent hollanov au where Ilya gets Shane's postal code and at first starts sending him like lewd gag gifts that then gradually escalate into real genuine gifts. I think it could be a delicious way to complicate their already complicated situationship dynamic as Ilya can use it as a means to sublimate his desire for a more intimate relationship with fiscal transactions to try and distance himself from his growing feelings, whereas on SHANES end, his fuck-buddy (fuck-rival?? Fuck-nemesis??) is blowing extremely hot and cold, verbally reaffirming the transactional nature of their relationship but simultaneously gifting him increasingly extravagant and (even worse) thoughtful gifts that blur the lines he thought they'd established. This started off as a basic kinky gift giving idea and spiraled because these boys are MESSYYYYYY
ok stop lmao i love the idea of ilya just turning shane into his sugar baby. they're both extremely rich professional athletes who can afford anything they want. and also they're not even dating. i would definitely read a version of this fic where they're in a canon-esque situationship and shane doesn't really know how to interpret the gifts... i think you're right that things could get angsty and messy!!
HOWEVER if i can also diverge a little from your angstier vision here's the much sillier version of it i might write:
the shower jerkoff scene happens. the hotel room scene starts to happen but then shane actually DOES insist on talking instead of letting ilya continue kissing him. he's like i'm not gay. or like. if i'm into guys it's not going to be a thing. so nothing is going to happen here. i just needed to let you know that in person. with our faces really close together. while i pretend i'm not panting helplessly in your direction because i want to get on my knees for you so bad. and ilya's like hmmm. interesting. okay hollander you need to be courted first i understand. and shane's like wait what, and ilya's like is no no, is okay, you are not that kind of girl, then pats him on the face and leaves him there with a boner. shane's inwardly like wait wait you probably could've talked me into it, but ilya obviously knows that and is like mm actually i think this will be more fun. i will make you beg me for it. and then he proceeds to spend their entire rookie year sending shane sex toys, lingerie, etc. and then texting him to ask for photos and tell shane what he's thinking about shane doing with whatever he just sent. and then when they play against each other ilya just grins at him and chomps on his mouthguard and shane gets distracted looking at his mouth. it is a level of psychosexual warfare shane has never been subjected to lmao and while he could obviously easily block ilya's number he... doesn't. and eventually (feigning reluctance and outrage the whole time) starts texting back. and then fast forward to shane winning rookie of the year... except instead of the angsty rooftop scene we instead get shane seeking ilya out at the afterparty and suggesting that maybe ilya should give him some kind of reward. or whatever. which is the closest he can come to begging for it (at least until ilya's got him naked, and then ilya teaches him how to beg for it for real) <3
