hi! uh, so i was the anon that asked about the street racer! mingi fic a long time ago, and i actually did start that fic. i didn't really know if anyone would read it, but i noticed someone ask about it, so i posted the first two chapters. i'm not sure if i like how it turned out so far but i'd love to hear feedback from you or any of your followers! :')
[5:20 PM] 💌 admin starlight said: ahhh this makes me so happy that someone made a fic off one of my posts!! for all y'all asking, here's the author of the full street racer!mingi fic. i don't have the time to read it as of right now, bit i will eventually and i'm sure it's lovely and that you're very lovely too 💖
Summary: When you’ve been trapped in your head and your memories haunt you, a little freedom is all you need.
Inspired in the song Gasoline – Halsey
Words: 3000 (ups!)
Warnings: Angst. Mentions of physical abuse. DON’T read it if this makes you uncomfortable!
A/N: I wrote this for @persephone-is-here-omg challenge. I wanted it full angst and it’s fluffy at the end, but I like the story in general :) I wrote some lines of the song in the story like dialogues so they are bold. Let me know if you found typos or grammatical mistakes. And if you liked the story c:
You are going to be hydra’s fist, whispered the voice of a man, over and over like a broken record in his head. His body was still shivering from the cold chamber they got him out. They were dragging him through a concrete hall until they reached two thick metal doors that were kept guarded by two armed men.
When they opened them, in a quick glance he took in the interior of the room. He was able to identify at least four men wearing lab coats, scientists, he thought. They were examining some files, casting glances at him and whispering among them. On his left were several machines he couldn’t recognize and a metal cabinet. In the middle of the room was a metal chair.
“Let go of me!” Bucky wanted to scream, but it sounded like a whisper. He tried to push the men that were restraining him, but his body felt limp, “Don’t touch me!” if they listened to his muttered plea they didn’t show it.
The soldiers sat him in the chair and chained his arms and ankles to it. “Let’s start the programming,” said a short man with a heavy german accent. The chair started to buzz, two metal arms moved and compressed his skull. His heart was pounding hard against his chest, he squeezed his eyes shut. Then a lightning passed through his head, setting fire to his mind. The fire started to consume everything he was, everything he knew.
Bucky wanted to fight with all his strength, to resist them. Don’t comply! He screamed in his head. But every disobedience, every provocation ended with the same result. Pain. He heard his bones crack, he saw his skin bleed over and over again until his mind started to get foggy.
He couldn’t tell how much time passed between every beating or why he was being beaten. Do they want information? About what? He tried to focus on something that made sense to him that could give him a meaning of all this situation. But the images in his mind passed so fast he wasn’t able to focus on something. Besides, he couldn’t remember how he ended in this hell.
Make it stop, please. Bucky tried to focus on something desperately, the first image in his mind was a street, and several cars were parked on both sides. A blond kid was standing in front of him, his eyes were an intense blue, like the sky and he had a wide grin on his face.
He could see his lips moving and his eyes sparkled with excitement while he cuddled a teddy bear. What did he say? He wanted to speak to him, but before he could mutter a single word a sting in his side pulled him back to the dark chamber where he was held hostage.This is not a dream.
A whimper left his swallowed lips, he spit blood mixed with saliva. An excruciated pain in his ribs made it difficult to breathe. Don’t... The voice kept telling him, but it was starting to fade into the back of his mind. What he was not supposed to do anyway? He was falling slowly into the darkness, it was like small strings were slowly sliding into his mind, he could feel it, and how they wrapped around his body.
“Soldat” barked a man. The chains on his wrists, holding his weight, tingled when he flinched after receiving another blow.
“Soldat” snarled the man, grasping his jaw and forcing his head up to look at him.
“Ready to comply” panted the winter soldier. The man let him go, a triumphant grin in his face and looked for one of the guards, “get him ready so he can go in his first mission”
A new cycle began. At that precise moment James Buchanan Barnes stopped existing and the Winter Soldier was born.
It was a never-ending cycle, and Bucky knew it, even when he wasn’t sure of how or why. For him it was like the day and the night, but instead of the warm feeling the sunlight gave when it caressed the skin, he felt cold. His nights instead of being full of peace or rest were filled with violence, either by his hand or by someone else.
He rose again, but this time there was a different man standing in front of him or that was his first impression. They are always the same, the face is different, the color of the eyes changed between blue, green, brown, and it didn’t matter to him. Each man he faced, each handler, had the same essence. Violence ruled their ways to act, they all chased the same twisted ideal of freedom and repeated it as a prayer. Cut off one head, two more will take its place.
“Soldat” said his new handler.
“Ready to comply” he answered as he was programmed to do. He waited expectantly for his instructions. This man watched him, like evaluating the new toy he received.
Another man got into the room “Well, what you think Coronel Karpov?”
“It’s impressive. Hydra’s fist, the winter soldier,” then the Coronel approached to the winter soldier and as asked the other man “How do you programmed him?” “We make him believe he is part of a machine, he is not a human being”
A voice snapped him back to reality, to the room he got in the new avengers facility. He looked around and saw a blond tall man, his blue eyes full of concern. Steve. Bucky nodded slowly. His gaze fixated on the window, he got stuck in his memories again.
“Buck?” Steve approached him and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Steve… I-I” Bucky stuttered, a heavy breath escaped from his lips, “I think there’s a flaw in my code”.
It had been a stressful week, since that day he told Steve that phrase he didn’t leave him alone. He mentally slapped himself, he had finally convinced Steve that he was fine, even if it was a lie and now he was back to square one.
He just wanted to be alone, and now he couldn’t. A sigh escaped from his lips, he knew Steve was his best friend and he just was trying to help but his attempts of making Bucky feel accepted by the rest of the team made him feel crowded. They trained together every morning because Steve was the only one capable of restraining him if something happened.
He was forced to eat breakfast with the rest of the team, but he was wary of all of them and they were always on edge, ready to react if he loses his mind. I’m not insane… Am I? The fact that he tried to kill them all at some point made interacting with them more awkward.
The only members of the team he felt comfortable to be around, besides Steve, where Clint, Wanda and (Y/N). He liked to talk with Clint, he had fought side by side with him in Germany and he didn’t treat him like he would turn into the winter soldier at any moment.
He recommended him horror movies, much to Steve’s consternation. But the most important thing for Bucky was the fact Clint knew what is like to be forced to do things against your will. And he offered him the opportunity to speak when he felt he needed to vent to someone besides Steve.
Wanda was a sweet girl, at the beginning he didn’t like the fact she could read minds and tried to stay away from her or put his mind in blank so she wouldn’t read it. But when she explained to him how her powers worked he was able to relax around her presence.
And finally (Y/N), she had moved into the compound a month after him. And in a lapse of two months, he hadn’t had the chance to interact too much with her because she used to disappear a lot.
He always thought it had something to do with her powers, even if he didn’t know what powers she had. At the moment his best option was invisibility. As far as he knew, Steve and the others rescued her from a hydra base six months before they found him.
But with all the fiasco of the Sokovia’s accords she left, claiming she didn’t want to be part of that. Or at least that was Clint told him when he asked about her. He wanted to know more about her and what kind of powers she had. However, Steve has forbidden the team to tell Bucky anything related to her, arguing he had to interact with (Y/N) and ask her directly.
That punk, he usually thought when he caught a glimpse of her around. Gathering the courage to talk to her was difficult, every time he approached to her he would say a thing completely different from what he wanted. When did I lose my ability to speak with a woman? He used to think, but he could speak with Wanda and hold small talk with Natasha. Why he wasn’t able to speak like a normal human being with her?
Bucky was trying to avoid Steve and his plans to do something together like the old times, he just wanted a moment to be alone and he couldn’t have it. All his hiding spots in the compound were useless now because Steve knew them all. With his enhanced senses he could hear Steve coming down the hall and he was chatting with Sam, he groaned annoyed. He needed a place to hide and now!
He turned around and jogged quietly to the first door he found, opening and closing it carefully. He stared at the door, all his focus were in the footsteps of Steve and Sam. When the sound of their boots against the floor faded, he left a sight of relieve out until a voice called his attention.
“What are you doing?” he turned around and saw (Y/N) standing in the middle of the room. Her voice was curious, confusion written all over her face.
“I’m hiding from Steve” mumbled Bucky, dang! He just got into her room by accident, he knew he should apologize and leave.
However, his curiosity took the best of him and he looked around, taking in everything that decorated her room. The fact that all the walls were covered with clocks of all shapes, sizes and colors confused him, and beside each one they were pictures of different places.
She snickered softly, “He’s nice but he can be annoying sometimes”
Bucky chuckled and watched her, she was wearing black boots, jeans and a big coat. That was kind of odd, they were in the middle of May and he was certain they were around 86°F
“Why you have so many clocks?” he asked curiously, and he realized each clock had a different hour.
“So I know what time it is when I travel,” she shrugged and went back to her bedroom. He didn’t understand what she meant by that, but the photos caught his interest. Bucky studied them one by one. All had the name of where he supposed they were taken.
She returned with a bag pack over her shoulder and approached him.
“I’m going to travel so feel free to stay if you want or you can come with me, I’m going here to watch the dawn” she pointed to the photo of a forested mountain covered with mist. The label had written Shirakawa-go, Gifu-shi, Japan.
“How are you going to arrive before the dawn?” Bucky asked confused, the clock said 05:22 AM and the dawn must be close, it was impossible to arrive in an hour or less there. The quinjet wasn’t that fast.
“I can teleport myself,” she explained, but she was a little surprised “you didn’t know?”
“No,” he whispered, now that make sense of why they would want her as an avenger, the fact she could get in an out could be useful. And it explained why she disappeared every day for hours.
“So are you coming or not?”
Bucky doubted for a moment before he nodded.
“Then run to your room and change into something more appropriate for hiking” she smiled and opened the door “I will meet you in the common room”
Bucky ran to his bedroom and got changed. He was thrilled, after two months of awkward small chat; he finally had the chance to talk with her naturally and she even offered him a way out to the compound he wasn’t going to refuse. In less than 10 min he was ready with a bag pack. He packed a gun and some ammo, because you never know when you could find trouble, a medical kit and other stuff useful just in case.
He walked to the common room and he saw her filling her bag pack with snacks and two bottles of water. She instructed him to put away another two bottles of water. When everything was ready she took Bucky’s hand in his and told him to close his eyes and count to three.
When he opened his eyes a small gasp escaped from his mouth. The travel was so light, it felt like he gave a small jump and now they were in another part of the world. Bucky took a deep breath of cold air, taking in all the different smells of the woods and exhaled.
“Let’s go,” she exclaimed, and motioned him to follow her lead.
The forest was covered with a soft layer of mist and a few birds were singing their soft melodies. He never believed he would be in a place so peaceful and beautiful, or that he would be able to feel relaxed. They walked for twenty minutes until they reached a cliff where he could see the top of the trees covered with mist.
“This is so beautiful,” he whispered. He never felt so free before, and he wished he could stay there forever, “Now I see why you disappear all the time”
“I’m not used to be in the same place for so much time” she shrugged, “I feel like I’m suffocating inside four walls”
“I know that feeling”
Bucky started to think in all the time he spent in a forest like this with Steve and the Howling Commandos, how they used to camp together all around Europe. And his heart sank, he missed his friends and he was lucky to still have Steve with him, but here he was, hiding from him. He wanted to scream and punch every member of hydra for taking away his life and turned him into their perfect weapon.
“Breathe” her voice stopped him from getting lost in his memories. He did as she told and tried to relax his body.
“I can’t stop thinking of everything hydra put in my head”
“I know, I’ve been there,” she muttered, her eyes filled with pain. And Bucky felt guilty for making her think about it.
“I’m so sorry”
“It’s not your fault,” she said and he could see she was trying to keep her tears at bay, “Hydra is merciless and cruel”
They sat in silence for another moment, the mist over the forest was starting to fade. He wanted to say something to her, to offer her comfort, but he wasn’t sure of how to do it.
“Thank you,” Bucky said and he glared at her “for letting me come with you”
“No problem,” she smiled and stood up and stretched her body, “Do you want to explore the forest?”
“Sure”
When they returned it was around midnight in New York, but Bucky enjoyed the trip and spending time with (Y/N) even if Steve scolded both of them for leaving for many hours without telling someone. The next day they went to Machu Picchu, with her powers they were able to enjoy the view of the ancient city without cross paths with the tourist. The feeling of freedom and be limitless, her company offered was refreshing.
After a month of traveling around the world, discovering new places and even taking photos of their little adventures he was starting to feel better, he could speak with the rest of the team more than polite small talk. It was slow but it was an improvement.
They were watching the sunset, sitting on the border of a cliff, somewhere in Italy. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks was soothing. Long silences between them weren’t uncommon or awkward, so he didn’t feel the need to break them.
“You know Steve thanked me for getting you out of your shell”
Bucky chuckled, he was doing better, but that doesn’t mean he was fully recovered. At the moment with the friendship he was starting to develop with her was all he needed.
“At last the little punk will stop annoying us”
And when she laughed, Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. He never heard her laugh before, yes, she smiled softly sometimes or snickered from time to time but this was different. A huge grin appeared in his face, he wanted to hear her laugh again.
“I don’t believe is that easy,” she mocked and Bucky laughed.
When the sun disappeared completely he leaned back to watch the stars, he rested his head on the bag pack and (Y/N) imitated him. Bucky started to think in the last chat he had with Clint, before he and Steve left for a mission.
“I guess he was right,” he mumbled more to himself.
“About what?”
“Clint told me something before he left,” he explained and turned his head to look into her eyes “people can mend each other”
Então , gente é aqui que eu vou postar minha fic-song (fic baseada em alguma musica) . como acabei de criar meu tumblr (chamel) , eu só tô esparando ter mais followers ,pra começar a postar !logo,logo vou postar a sinopse ! bj
