Fighting the World
For the last few years I’ve struggled on and off with singleness. As I watched all of my friends get married and as I watch the first one the road to children; I find myself swallowed in moments of loneliness. I even described to a friend last week that it makes me feel unwanted. Like something is totally wrong with me. Maybe, I’m just unlovable.
Feelings are a dangerous and deceptive part of us. See, what I feel, and what I know to be true, they don’t match. My feelings and the world tell me I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, witty enough, sexy enough, smart enough, athletic enough, or enticing enough to be loved. To be wanted. If you aren’t properly armed, these thoughts can bring you to your knees. Make you feel completely worthless.
I have to start with the reminder that I’m not on earth for the world to love me (John 15:19). Jesus reminds us in verse 18 that, “If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first.” 1 John 4:5 shows a bit of overlooked wisdom, “They are of the world. That is why they speak from the world's perspective, and the world listens to them.” I have to remind myself that we are supposed to be different, set apart (Hebrews 7:25-27). Being different isn’t a bad thing.
As believers we are being transformed to reflect Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18). Sanctified if you will. As I am not to reflect the world, I have to stop measuring myself against it. As a believer, I will never measure up to the world standards. I will always be too modest, too prudish, and too conservative. They will see me and my beliefs about gender roles as not sexually open enough, narrow minded, and unprogressive. I’m seeking the love of the world, yet this world, it is not my home. Nor is it where I find my identity or my worth.
See, the world doesn’t have the capacity to unconditionally love me. On that note, no man or woman has the ability to unconditionally love me. There is a Greek word for this type of love, Agape. It’s a word describing God’s unconditional love for His children. It breaks my heart to realize that my longing for the conditional love of man, and that feeling of being unlovable… it’s throwing God’s wondrous love right back in His face, I’m basically telling Him his love isn’t good enough for me.
So I have to step up in those moments, and fight. John 16:33 reminds me that Jesus has already overcome the world; I’m already fighting from a point of victory. He has even graciously shown me how to prepare myself for battle each day (Ephesians 6:10-18). My weapon, He tells me, is His Word and the truth it contains. 1 Peter 5:10 tells me I don’t suffer in vain. Psalm 91:4 reminds me He is my refuge and shield. Song of Solomon 4:7 reminds me I am beautiful. Psalm 73:26 tells me that my flesh and heart will fail me, but “God is my strength and my portion forever. 2 Corinthians 12:9 lets me stand on the truth that God’s "grace is sufficient for [me], for power is perfected in weakness."
Truth tells me I am wanted. Truth tells me I am loved. Truth tells me I am never alone. In the dead of night when doubt creeps in I have to remind myself, sometimes over and over again, of one thing… I am a beloved daughter of God.
