Asexual
It's sitting at the table in silence,
As your friends swap pictures of their crushes,
And every one of their cheeks turning pink
When you say that you don't have one.
“What's your type?”
It's seeing your cousin walking down the sidewalk next to the pool,
Sitting down in a chair with her bathing suit,
And your uncle telling her to cover up,
As you sit back wondering what that's supposed to mean.
“Just look at them, that's how you know.”
It's curling up half asleep next to your best friend.
She whispers to you how she loves this boy,
And you smile,
Until she tells you what she does to him when they're alone.
And it's your heart skipping a beat,
When she asks you why you never mention anything the same.
“What, you don't trust me?”
It's going to the movies with the boy who asked you out.
He seemed sweet,
and when you're with him your heart is made of butterflies.
But then, on the screen there is a couple much like you,
And they aren't just sitting in the dark.
“You're just hiding it from me”
It's the feeling of finally finding someone you like
more than a friend,
And someone telling you you're wrong,
Because it's been two weeks and you haven't kissed him.
You can barely stand to let him hold your hand.
“Come on, you must feel something,”
It's going home alone with someone,
Them inviting you to their couch to watch a movie,
Their hands on you,
The characters on the screen,
And your heart beating loudly in your chest,
Until long after you leave.
“Are you okay?”
It's visiting your friends for a night,
Gathering around each other, boy between girl between boy,
A bottle spinning circles in the center,
And you, fighting the urge to get up and run away,
But knowing you really shouldn't want to.
“Don't act like such a prude.”
It's the roll of their eyes as they talk about you,
The ones who have known you for forever.
They shake their heads in exasperation,
Saying how you've ever changed.
You've never changed.
“It'll happen soon, don't worry.”
It's standing in a crowd of people,
And feeling alone.
It's looking into your future and finding it unsure.
It's starting a relationship and counting down the days
Until they figure it out.
“There's something wrong with you.”
It's living in an ocean,
And being the only one who doesn't know how to swim.
Walking through a field of daisies,
And not understand why people are so impressed.
Literally every single one of them is the same.
“I'm worried about you”
I'm worried about me.
Flinching away from touch.
Second guessing every interaction.
Looking for patterns in the way people act.
Feeling apart.
Feeling broken.
“I understand.”
It's finding someone else like you and feeling
Like the sun has exploded in your chest.
It's reading stories where the characters reflect the way you feel inside.
It's staring at a computer screen in tears,
Because now you know,
“You're not alone.”
--TheWitness--
