Do ever think about what could have been?
When I was in elementary school I knew this kid named Jared Reed. He was the weirdest kid in school, weirder than me even (which was pretty hard to do,) and everyone made fun of him; including me, sadly. He had anger issues, but he wasn't outrageous or violent. Honestly, the one thing that pissed him off the most were the people who made fun of him. I distinctly remember him being allergic to cheese, and he could never eat the pizza on Friday's lunch, so everyone laughed and told mean jokes about him or to him. I remember he disappeared the following year; turns out he moved down a grade, and I only saw him once, maybe twice, that year; for the next several years of school, I didn't see him at all. Then, one day, out of no where, I meet this kid Jared again. He's a year younger than me. It was at lunch in 10th grade, at Clark high school. He was a freshman. He looked the same. Bright blonde hair, almost white, fragile, sickly, blue-veined skin, and ice blue eyes. Same curved nose. Same glasses. Almost the same haircut. Even though his general look was the same, so much had changed. Instead of his skin being pasty and hanging off of him, it was fit, solid, and stone like. He was chiseled; I understand what they mean by "filling out". His hair was whiter, like snow. His eyes matched in coldness; with my imagination, I could almost see lakes of ice, powered softly by snow, reflecting in his eyes. His lips were tight and pressed together, yet they didn't show strain. His jaw was masculine and square, and his eyes were deep set, yet very large and glazed over slightly. His hands were bony yet firm; he wore all black the few times I saw him. Not the stereotypical rebellious black, with the skinny jeans and t shirt; I remember that he specifically wore a collared black shirt, black slim slacks, a black tie, black jacket, black shiny shoes... All black. It made his white skin stand out even more, as if he was a ghost, or maybe an angel, appearing in midday. He was remarkably handsome by my standards. I would see him pass me by near the stair case that led to the main hall. This occurred once or so every month, and he always seemed to be rushing to his next class. I never took the time to ponder why, I just wanted to capture just one good glimpse of him so I could save that memory and possibly regurgitate it later in some form or another. One day, I saw him sitting alone at lunch. I decided to be bold and go sit with him; for some reason, my heart was pounding the whole time. I remember asking if I could have a seat, and he shyly nodded and gestured to the empty seat across from him. I noticed a few things about him during those short spurts of memory. He spoke slowly, and on occasion, his words would tremble. When I finished a sentence, he would often wait several seconds before speaking. His brow was always furrowed in subtle fear whenever we talked; his ice blue eyes seemed to be solving a difficult equation. He talked about the bible a lot, and when I asked if he had a Facebook, he said that his father was completely against the Internet as a total. No Amazon, no Wikipedia, no google maps, and definitely no Facebook or any other kind of social media. He spoke of his father in a very respectful and marveling tone, yet I could hear the fear behind his words. He was very intelligent. Very soft spoken. I only sat with him once more after than occasion, and then he vanished again. After that last time, I never saw him again. He wasn't even in the yearbook that year. It was as if he had never existed. The only evidence I have of him is in one of my elementary yearbook. A single picture of a small, scraggly boy named Jared, with a dorky and forced smile and a deep forest green shirt. I often think of him. Nothing particularly reminds me of him, but his face will pop into my brain on occasion and I'll almost hear the whisper of his soft voice. I always wonder what could have been with him. Not necessarily a relationship, but just a simple friendship. I wonder what secrets he held. I wonder if he even remembers me now. I've tried looking for him online, but he's no where to be seen. To the Internet, Jared Reed doesn't exist. I don't know why I'm telling you all any of this. I doubt that most of you will even take the time to read this whole little book I've basically written. I just thought I'd tell you about the face that always comes to my mind when my thoughts begins to wander; sometimes on rainy days, other times when I'm staring at the ceiling. It makes me wonder what potential our destinies had if I had just reached out my hand to him and offered my friendship. I wish I could have known him better. Jared Reed, if you are out there, contact me. I would love to sit down and learn about the short, bright life that you have lived so far.