What’s not to love about Germans? Here’s an ethnic group that invaded central Europe from the East, gave the Roman Empire fits, wear weird leather shorts, periodically invade their neighbors, and proliferate local culture with every type of sausage known to humans. However, they really nailed beer making and use their language to kluge together every normal word into some sort of unpronounceable compound word. For example, let’s look at “Gemütlichkeit”. It is a word with no good translation into a single English word (Google translate lies!). It is a word used to convey the idea of a state or feeling of warmth, friendliness, good cheer, coziness, peace of mind, and a sense of belonging and well-being springing from social acceptance. So that leads the subject of today’s rant, in German, “Fingerhakeln”. First off, this word is giving Microsoft fits to the point that it needs to be underlined in red as I write this. Back-off, Bill Gates! Your overuse of spell check has led to many errors in my writing. Anyway, Fingerhakeln is a “sport” that is the treat of every grandfather worldwide and the scourge of every unsuspecting five-year-old. Fingerhakeln translates into English as “Pull my finger!” In reality, it’s a competitive sport. Not the sport of a defendant releasing flatulence on his unsuspecting legal team as described in Newsweek about a recent Manhattan trial. This is finger wrestling. During the competition, which was held in Bernbeuren on Sunday, participants sat facing each other across a table. Each “wrestler” hooks one finger (the second best use of the middle finger) through opposite sides of a leather loop. Then, they pull — as hard as they can. There is a line drawn along each of the table edges. Whoever succeeds in pulling their opponent’s middle finger over the line on their own side wins. Each round usually lasts a few seconds, with the winner moving to the next round. Competitors may risk dislocated fingers, strained muscles, and nosebleeds from the strain. Anyway, like bowling in the US, Fingerhakeln combines the best: beer, weird clothing, and extraneous injury. What a großartige Zeit!
Beneath the tent, a steins’-filled haze,
Where lager spills like amber rain,
We gather 'round, this merry craze,
For Fingerhakeln's glorious pain.
Lederhosen, tight and worn with pride,
Conceal the warriors, brave and bold.
A clinking toast, a challenge aye’d,
As knuckles lock, the story unfolds.
The crowd roars loud, a primal beat,
As fingers strain and organs prolapse.
A sudden crack, a bittersweet
Dislocation, salved with shots of schnapps.
