It's the coldest it has ever been in the 13th district but Finnick's got you right?
GENRE: fluff
PAIRING: Finnick Odair x gn reader
WARNING: mentions of wound and scars
A/N: this fic is especially dedicated for those who were victims of my previous Finnick fic
TAGLIST: @honethatty12
"Finnick?" You ask at the dead of night, the both of you lying down next to eachother all cramped up in the tiny bed which was given to the both of you
"yes sweetheart?" Finnick's breath tickles your ears as he whispers, slightly bending his neck to where you were lying down in his chest
You could hear his heartbeat clearly a d he could feel you breathing, a sign that the both of you were alive.
Your fingers could feel the bandage wrapped around his arms and Finnick could see the scars on your face, a sign that the both of you were a little scarred, but still a sign that the both of you were alive.
The 13th district is cold. A different kind of cold the both of you hd ever experienced. Finnick had mainly experienced the cold during the night on the beach, the cold air blowing towards him from the sea.
Finnick also had experienced many different kind of warmths, the bad and the good
The kind of warmth you can only get back at the 4th district, the warm sand beneath is feet and the sunlight hitting the water.
The warmth from the capitol in all its luxury and velvety blankets and linen bedsheets which left him cold and empty instead
And the kind of warmth with you. A different kind of warmth, like now,
How the both of you were in a cold small quiet room with a thin blanket too small to cover 2 people and yet Finnick felt the most comfortable and warm he ever was,all because he had you in his arms
Even though there was a entire uprising going on, even though there was wounds and scars all over his back, even the nightmares he endures everynight seemed to cease to exist when he was with you
"Finnick" you repeat again
"yes sweetheart?" He responds nonchalantly, his arms pulling you in closer towards him
"aren't you feeling cold?" You ask, the thin blanket was hardly even able to cover you, let alone Finnick "we can't share it, it's far too small. We can take turns using it"
"it's alright sweetheart" Finnick mumbles and his face nuzzles into you neck "m'not cold"
You scoff "it's freezing, here" you try spreading the blanket across Finnick's body but Finnick just doesn't accept it
"you use it love, don't worry about me, I've got my sun right next to me. I'm warm enough" he lazily smiles "c'mon these scars aren't going to heal themselves, let's give into the night"
"scars don't heal Finnick, wounds do, not scars" you roll your eyes as you reply but your arms stretch over Finnick's neck
"I suppose so, but you can always kiss them better hm?" He hums
"I suppose I can always kiss them better" you smile as you press a kiss into his face
The capital has a way of messing up with your head. Finnick saw it happen to him, he saw it happen to Peeta and worst of all, he had to see it happen to you too
GENRE: Angst
PAIRING: Finnick Odair x gn reader,
WARNING: PTSD, mental illness and abuse, suicidal thoughts, self harm on Finnick's part, reader want through a lot of psychological abuse and physical abuse, Finnick has panic attacks basically very hunger games coated abuses
A/N: back in for a hot minute with the new release of a the ballad of songbirds and snakes! I seem to be pulled back into the hunger games lol however since it's been a pretty long time since I've read or watch the movies this fic is probably not going to be accurate at all! Also I have no idea how to end this fic so I just did it in a hurry. I don't rlly like how it came out but oh well!
You weren't supposed to get taken away
You weren't supposed to fall back down behind, you weren't supposed to be left behind while Finnick was distracted talking to Katniss.
Finnick wasn't supposed to leave you behind, he was supposed to stay by your side just like he promised. He wasn't supposed to let you be taken away and yet your there stuck in the capitol while he lies with wounds all over his body in the 13 district
It should have been him, he thinks, that maybe if he had switch places with you in that moment, that he was right next to you instead of ahead of you, that he would pulled you towards him, maybe..maybe you would be there next to him.
Maybe you would be lieing next to him, perhaps is bruises and wounds as bad as his but atleast the both of you would be safe in each others arms.
Finnick knows that he should get out of his room. The plain cold room with grey walls seem to surround him on all four sides and yet his grief seems to swallow him as a whole
The ringing sound in his ears continue relentlessly and the tremble in his hands refuse to go. He'd find himself picking his scabbed scars and almost healed wounds and waking up in the dead of night screaming. He finds himself scarring his once golden skin which now seemed rusted with red and all of his old wounds once which was kissed by you being reopened at the dead of night.
He screamed screamed for you, every night and even while he was awake he seemed to be mumbling your name over and over again under his breath. As if believing that if he did so that maybe you'd appear infront of him and tell him it's just a bad dream
Sometimes he'd be forced out of his room, sometimes it's by Haymitch or some other person. He couldn't care less, however he was also a beacon of hope for the people maybe not flaming as bright as Katniss the girl on fire but rather hope like the beach waves hitting the shore
But you were different. You were a different kind of hope, not burning bright and flaming with fumes like Katniss or calm and majestic in all its glory like Finnick but you were like moon.
Hope like the moon in the dark night sky guiding travelers for the past million centuries, sailors, prophets and even kings and helping them find way back to their homes, to their solace. You were the light in the dark, a elegant beam of radiance showing way even to a poor man.
You were Finnick's light. The only thing that helped him see, the only time he felt truly like himself not like the capitols charming prince, or the victor from the 4th district but rather just like plain Finnick. The boy who had golden tan skin, hair dry with salty sea water, the boy who smelled like the sea ans the boy he once was before the capitol got a hold of him.
Like the moon's reflection on the ocean bed in the calm, you were a beam of radiance to him that helped him sleep in night, safe and sound..and loved.
He misses you more than he remembered you. And it scared Finnick.
Being forced out was now a usual thing for Finnick. Being forced to sit in a cafeteria with a plate of food which would go cold and remain uneaten.
He usually stayed alone still away from the others which was unlike him but his mind would be plagued with the last look you gave him, his ears repeating your mortifying scream
Sometimes he'd talk to Katniss. She understood him, after all her Peeta was taken away to just you were taken away. Both Finnick and Katniss blamed themselves more than they should have,
He thinks, at first that he is a little envious of Katniss and the way she looks strong. She holds herself in a way he doesn't. He thinks, how does she do it? How does Katniss remain like a fire burning torch when Peeta the person she adores the most is gone like how you were
But then he hears a familiar voice, he sees a all too familiar face across the tv screen and he is immediately filled with desperation and dread. He looks at Peeta's stoic and unmoving face on the tv screen and he feels the tremble beginning in his hands again.
The capitol couldn't have..could they? They wouldn't have- they couldn't have done it. They didn't kill Peeta but..they seemed to have done something even worser
Finnick's thoughts are left troubled when it was disturbed a loud sound of a metallic plate dropping and a cry of despair
He sees Katniss, her tears and the way her hands fly towards her mouth and try to cover her cry.
Thats when he notices the bags under her eyes and the cuts on her hand. He notices the way her heart sank just like his did and he notices the way Katniss called out Peeta's name. He remembers the way she held him in the games and the way she begged him to live
He thinks, maybe they aren't so different at all.
"he's alive..he's alive" Katniss whispers under her breath and Finnick's holds his, his eyes scan the tv screen scanning for your face whi- and he sees it.
Your face in the background, your hair combed and slicked backed tightly into a bun. Your faced filled with white powdery makeup making you look almost as if you were a corpse. Your eyes seemed scarily full and your lips dry.
But you weren't dead, but you didn't really seem alive either.
The fact that you were alive had a unsettling feeling in Finnick but right now he couldn't care, you were alive and breathing
"y/n" Finnick breaths out as he runs towards the screen with no hesitation. His mind is no longer on Katniss or Peeta or the capitol but at you and your face.
His trembling fingers slowly trace your face as he cries your name out repeatedly, he isn't listening to what Peeta is saying or all the commotion in the back
Your alive.
"they're back! Peeta, Johanna and y/n they- they're back"
Finnick runs faster than he has ever done in his entire life.
Faster than he did in the hunger games or faster than he did from the capitol people after they were done with their business with him in their bedrooms.
He throws down whatever he was holding in his hands, leaves whatever thought was occupying his head and runs faster than he ever did
He doesn't care about whether he hit someone or if he was making too much noise. He cried your name out as he ran calling you, searching for you before opening the door with a bang, his eyes red with tears and trembling body.
He sees you in a wheelchair lying lifelessly in the the chair which held your body.
He doesn't notice the way everyone else in the room looks at him, Haymitch, the doctors or nurses or even Johanna who was sitting in a similar wheelchair a few metres away from you. They way they all immediately stood up straight and their body tense, the way their faces were looking at him with pity
Finnick feels as if though he had stopped breathing, every single bone in his body moves automatically. The tears stream across his golden skin as his hands itch to touch you
All he needs is you. All he needs is your touch, your warmth
He runs towards you unaware of the way you tensed up when you saw him, he shouts your name as his hands stretch out to finally hold you, he begs for forgiveness again and again but finds you shaking instead
"Finnick don't go near her- wait Finnick don't" Beetee's immediate warning fails when you start thrashing against Finnick's touch
"y/n?- y/n my love? What's wrong?" Finnick panics as he tries to calm you down as you shout and scream
Just a few seconds ago you were silent and unmoving refusing to speak but here you were with Finnick, screaming and crying trying to get away from him like he was a monster
"my love please-" Finnick begs as his hands touches your face, the panic in his voice and the tears unhidden from anyone. The despair and regret dripping from his words and unhelpful touches which seem to drive you insane even more
"away! Get away from me! I- get away! away!" You try to push Finnick away but your not that strong. You seem to be repeating the same things again and again but you shake your head and scream even louder than before
"Finnick let go of her- don't Finnick!" Finnick's hears the others shouting at him but he can't let you go, not when you don't even recognise him
"it's me- it's me y/n. It's Finnick your sweetheart" his voice cracks at the nickname you gave him, his eyes search for a second of recognition or even love but your eyes are filled with terror and fear
"y/n it's me! I'm here now! I'm sorry I'm never going to let you go- please y/n..it's me" he begs and pleads you but you don't stop resisting against him even going lengths of hitting him with your hands helplessly
"Finnick let go!" Finnick hears Haymitch shout as he pulls him away from you "she isn't the same y/n you know- the capitol played with her mind"
Finnick feels his entire world go cold, his skin gone numb and his brain feels all muddy. There's a dark deep sinking feeling in his gut as he watches you look at him in complete fear, crawling away from him and into the corner of the room hugging yourself
Finnick takes a few steps towards you but is fiercely pushed away by a agitated Johanna "get the fuck away from her Finnick!"
Johanna glares at Finnick alongside with everyone in the room before she runs to the corner you were sobbing in and cradles you in her arms muttering "don't touch us, don't touch us" again and again.
"what- what do you mean? What's going on?" He turns and looks at the faces in the roomwhich was responded with a nervous glance. Finnick feels his blood boil and his anger consume him
"I said what do you mean" he shouts "what the hell happened" his eyebrows furrowed as he watches Betee struggled to form sentences
"we- we don't know exactly what happened" Betee says as he motions towards you and Johanna who was rocking you in her arms, shooting everyone in the room dirty looks still repeating the same words
"but-"
"but what? what...what happened to my y/n why.. why does she seem afraid of me? Why is she scared-" His voice cracks before he began to sob uncontrollably "why?"
The room goes silent and all that could be heard was Finnick's sobs and yours alongside with Johanna's muttering.
Haymitch walks slowly to Finnick and holds him in the shoulder "I think..you should sit down somewhere while we talk about this" he says grimly as he turns around and gives looks at the rest of the people in the room to give them some space
Finnick's breathing is shallow as he listens to Betee. The more he listens the more he wishes that he were dead, that it was all fake. He wishes even more that it was him who was taken into the capitol and regret and anger fills him up
"the capitol obviously wasn't going to let it slide, I mean y/n she- she was the capital's sweetheart. She was one of their favourite victor and seeing her being a part of the uprising? Snow would have never let her or any of them for the fact go unscarred but, we never expected this much"
Betee continues in a whisper, he stops every 2 minutes and looks at Finnick to say something but Finnick would always remain silent and unmoving.
"Johanna she- she's developed this insane fear of water- she was drowned multiple times by the capital and Peeta he..he was also brainwashed. He has developed this insane hatred for Katniss."
"and y/n?" Finnick finally broke his silence "what did they do to her?" You could hear the desperation leaking from his voice, his voice at the verge of breaking
Betee seemed to be hesitant to say, often refusing to make eye contact with Finnick but he sighed and looked straight at him
"y/n was strapped. She was strapped into this machine and they kept on fiddling with her memories. She couldn't differentiate with what was real and what wasnt. They inserted this entire new plot into her head which she now believes some parts of it to be true"
Finnick breathing stopped, a chill ran down his spine as he internally begged that it was not what he was thinking of
Betee looks up to Finnick with sadness and guilt painted in his eyes, he didn't want to break it to Finnick this way. He knew how much it would hurt him
"Finnick" Haymitch says instead, choosing to be the one to break the news to Finnick "y/n, she's scared of you. Just like how Peeta has developed hate for Katniss, y/n has developed fear towards you."
A all too familiar feeling came over Finnick. He was where he was in the beginning. He was nothing but a monster, a killer, a damaged product before you came along and showed him a new path but he had to ruin everything. He had to break you too, he had to ruin you too, it was all his fault
Panic engulfed Finnick as it hit his very core, today was the day he got you back and yet today was also the day he seemed to have forever lost you
"but-" he trembles as he talks "but why- what did they show her? What did I do to her" his breathing becomes fast
"it's not your fault" Haymitch says as Betee nods his head "we're trying to figure that out right now"
"is it only me?" Finnick's blood shot eyes pierce Betee's "am I the only person she's scared of?"
"she's scared of everything and everyone except for Johanna. Johanna was the only one who was there to comfort her but Johanna herself isn't in the right mind right now either" Betee replies
"oh" Finnick's voice is empty and hollow, he doesn't want to ask the question but it seems inevitable "will she ever stop being scared of me?"
Finnick is scared of Betee's answer, his heart hammered agains his chest in panick "do you think..I can get her back?"
Betee purses his lips as he continues "it won't ever be the same Finnick. Y/n.. whatever they implanted in her head has been recognised as real to her now but if we keep on pressing on with the truth maybe" he looks hopefully at Finnick "maybe you could get a piece of her back, not fully but a fragment of her"
"I just..I just want her, I don't care if it's a piece of her or whatever. I just..I want her to be okay"
Betee just nods his head wordlessly as he watches Finnick break down. Right infront of him was probably the strongest person he ever knew, he watched him during his games, watched him become victor and knew everything he went through but he never saw Finnick this broken.
"I'm going to get her back" Finnick says "if that's the last thing I ever do I swear, she's going to be okay"
I WOULD HAVE REALLY LIKED DOING JUST LAUNDRY AND TAXES WITH YOU. -finnick odair
you and finnick wonder about what could have been
based on hunger games catching fire
you and finnick were not lovers, you could never be lovers
Simply because Panem was a country not built for love. It could harvest fear, hatred, anger, perhaps even hope by the looks of it but never love
despite these words, you find yourself resting against Finnick's shoulder at what seems to be the dead of night. Even though he was keeping watch, you choose to remain awake with him, alongside him.
"you should get some rest" finnick whispers but you don't reply, he takes your silence as your response, knowing better to fight against you
"never thought I'd be back here" he looks around the jungle, letting out a low whistle "it's just how I remember it, i still hate it"
The silence engulfs you both, it's obvious how the two of you were not the only ones who hated the situation. None of you had really thought you'd be back in the arena and surely none of you had hoped to
You look over at where Peeta and Katniss were asleep "you think they're really inlove?"
You both talk in low whispers, not wanting everyone else watching to hear your conversation
Finnick pauses, he thinks, "yes, I think so"
"really?" You give him a quizzical glance
"yea" Finnick pauses again "they just don't realise it"
You bite your lower lip, nodding your head "well then paint me green with envy" you mumble softly
Finnick locks eyes with you, confused, puzzles "why you say that?" His voice is ever so soft and gentle
"the entire nation is rooting for their love and turns out, they really are inlove" your words are simple but yet Finnick feels a pang in his chest. He notices the way you emphasize the word inlove.
It's obvious that if any of the other tributes, say namely finnick and you ever fall inlove, then Panem surely won't welcome this news with the same warmth as they did to Katniss and Peeta
You find yourself leaning even closer into Finnick, finding comfort in his warmth "if.." your words hang from your tongue, as if though you were unsure of your words
"if?" Finnick questions
"if things were different, would we have never met?" You hate the way your voice has a hint of desperation, slight confirmation
"you mean if the games never existed? If Panem was simply just another country?"
You nod too quickly, you realise.
"you'r crazy if you think that we'd never meet" there's a slight smile etched in his face "I'd go against the universe if it tried to keep me away from meeting you"
You hold your breath for a second, the same feeling blossoming in the pits of your heart, the same feelings you had always kept hidden in the pits of your heart.
Despite the complication in your chest you continue, ignoring the implications of his words
"universe?" You ask before you could stop yourself "you think there's a universe out there where none of this happens?" You refer to the war, the pain, the games.
"hey, it's you who brought up the topic not me" finnick quips, again silence befalls the both of you,
"if another universe existed" you continue, since you brought up the topic after all "I think you'd be an actor, I can't imagine you anything but ordinary" there's a smile in your voice, a tone of half teasing "you'd live in the limelight, adored by your fans all across the world"
He let's out a laugh "there's nothing this handsome face can't accomplish" finnick retorts, matching your tone, grinning "and you? I can't imagine you anything else but ordinary aswell"
"oh trust me I would love to be just another ordinary person" you say "I would do anything to be a normal person living in a normal place"
Finnick sighs, dramatically "I guess then I'd have to give up my celebrity life for you" he raises his eyebrows as he looks at you " you know I'd love to have an ordinary life with you"
There's a softness to his words, no sharp edges, no tears, no bites. Just pure genuinity, you could almost call it love, you wished you could allow yourself to call it love
"an ordinary life with me would be boring" you shake your head, discouraging the idea
"life could never be boring if I had you by my side"
You didn't want to admit it, you didn't want to admit that maybe perhaps you felt a certain way towards Finnick, maybe he did too.
Your life was all too messed up, beyond repair and broken.
you didn't want to bring yourself to more pain, especially not if it was by the hands of finnick, your finnick
"you'd have to do boring regular things" you continue to argue, not wanting to believe the taller boy next to you, it was all too painfull
"I'd love to do boring regular things with you," finnick retorts back "what exactly is boring regular things?"
"like laundry and...." Your loss for words "and taxes!" Your blurt out the only thing in your mind
Finnick give you a hard long stare, his jaw tightening before he looks away from you, looking towards the blank sky
"well then, I would have really liked doing just laundry and taxes with you"
Again, the same silence engulfs the two of you, finnick still not tearing his eyes away from the sky as you in turn refuse to look away from his face.
you and finnick were not lovers,
because then the Capitol would see that as treason. you and finnick couldn't be lovers because then the entirety of Panem would see that as rejection
But yet you and finnick were many other things. Many unnamed things, a bit too close to be called friends, shared glances that lasted a little too long to be considered simply as acquaintances,
you and finnick were all the things, all things but lovers, never lovers.
But right now your leaning against him, your hands caressing his cheek and your lips colliding with his for the entirety of Panem to see,
"I would have really liked doing just laundry and taxes with you too" you whisper
