★ five times my muse though yours looked breath-taking, and the one time they voice it. (Hux is incredibly vain omg)
The first time they meet, Mitaka is one of a hundred nervous students stepping foot in the Academy’s auditorium for the first time, beginning his military career. He finds comfort in the fact that he’s not the only one who seems overwhelmed, though he envies those students who are so put-together that there isn’t so much as a hair out of place on their heads. One such student is called to the front, and his breath catches in his throat - that boy is unmistakably the Commandant’s son with his brilliant red hair, all sharp lines and ramrod straight posture, lips drawn taut as he’s used as an example for what a proper cadet should look like. Mitaka feels butterflies in the pit of his stomach, both for the worry that he might never quite measure up, and for the very private thought that he’s never seen anyone so handsome in all of his life.
Their lives progress, engulfed by rigorous hours of training, both in class and in combat. Mitaka takes pride in his work, and it is rewarded time and time again, though always with a touch of criticism - as it should be, he thinks, because an ego would not be befitting of an officer of the First Order. That criticism finds him out in the field in the pouring rain, running laps on a rare afternoon that was meant to be spent curled up in bed with a textbook. He’s still not in peak physical condition, and he fears that it would be enough for his dismissal if he were to attend another assessment and not come out on top. But there’s someone else on the field, he realizes, when he stops to slick his wet hair back from his face. Hux is dressed in his training clothes, soaked from the rain, and they cling to the toned muscle that he hides so well under his uniform. His eyes are fierce, shining with determination, and not for the first time, Mitaka finds himself wondering if he wants to be him, or if he simply wants him.
Graduation comes surprisingly quickly, and it’s an honor to know that he’s among the top percentile; only a handful of students were given the commendations that he’d received. Standing among his peers to celebrate their accomplishment, his heart skips a beat as their valedictorian is introduced to raucous applause. Hux looks brilliant, and his speech draws such an overwhelming sense of pride from the cadets that Mitaka has to take a moment to breathe and to remind himself where he is. This is no time for tears, happy or otherwise. Afterward, he quietly congratulates Hux on his own graduation, trying to ignore the ache in his chest that reminds him that this is quite possibly the last time he’ll ever be graced with his idol’s presence.Except it isn’t. As everyone suspected, Hux is given a ship to command; no one is even slightly surprised to hear the news, because he was born to lead. There are a tense few weeks where everyone speculates on who he’ll choose as the crew of the First Order’s newest and most prized ship. Not even in his most childish and ridiculous fantasies could Mitaka have imagined that he’d be chosen not only to work aboard the Finalizer, but to work directly beneath the man he’d admired for so many years. The transfer comes quickly, and, sitting at his new console, Mitaka can barely believe the whirlwind that his life has suddenly become. It sinks in, and hits home with a startling force that has him struggling to keep the grin off of his face when Hux stands on the bridge, resplendent in his new uniform, to address his crew for the very first time. It’s a feeling of being a part of something so much bigger, to serve not only the First Order but General Hux himself, and when Hux pauses before him, he thinks he might just pass out from the sheer excitement of it all. “Good to have you aboard, Lieutenant,” Hux addresses him, and he bites back the plethora of compliments that bubble to his lips, instead bowing his head out of respect with a soft, “Thank you, sir. It’s my pleasure, really.”
Over the next few years, Mitaka finds the words on the tip of his tongue again and again and yet with their ranks and formality between them, there’s never a moment that he can say it. You’re beautiful, his mind supplies, at the most inappropriate moments. You’re handsome. You’re wonderful. You’re everything I want. You’re absolutely breathtaking. He wishes he could say it all, and yet he can never find the courage. He’d rather remain Hux’s subordinate in silent admiration for the remainder of his life than to risk losing that privilege.
When Hux takes him to bed for the first time, he’s sure it’s a fluke. They’d been celebrating successful upgrades to the ship’s weaponry over a bottle of something that burns his throat on the way down. He’s light-headed and they’re pawing at each other, discarding uniforms wherever they land to tumble, bare and blushing, onto the sheets together. Hux’s hair is mussed, pulled loose from its usual gelled confines. His cheeks are flushed, his breath coming hard, freckles dotting his shoulders - Mitaka remembers them briefly from the days they’d been out running at the same time, back when he was certain that Hux had no idea who he even was.
“Stars, you’re so perfect,” he breathes, overcome and unable to hold back the truth any longer, and he’s rewarded instantly. The way that Hux smiles at him knocks the air from his lungs and he resolves then and there to never let an opportunity slip past him to remind Hux how wonderful, how handsome, how stunning he is. He tells him a dozen more times that night before they doze in each other’s arms, and he silently thanks whatever powers brought them together, as the steady beat of Hux’s heart lulls him to sleep.
