#firsts meme

[honorhearted]

☝ + smex ;)

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Unbidden, a deep flush burned from Benjamin's cheeks, and spread uncomfortably down toward his neck and chest. Tugging on his cravat, he muttered, "This is hardly appropriate. What occurs between a man and a woman...w-well...it should be s.acred, and not privy to anyone else's prying eyes and ears."

Nevertheless, he had agreed to speak candidly -- damn Caleb and convincing him to be social on this night! -- so with a sigh, he pinched his nose between thumb and forefinger, then downed the majority of his rum in three quick, even swallows.

Nothing like a little liquid courage...

Exhaling through his nose, Benjamin tried again, "It happened a few months ago. I've never...I-I mean, before Sarah, I had barely even kissed a woman. I'd certainly held hands, and walked them home from c.hurch, but...never anything so involved. And then when I almost d.ied...I don't know...something inside me just shifted, and I was no longer quite so willing to wait for the woman I was destined to marry. Though I must confess: I thought maybe she was the woman I was meant to be with -- that God had directed me to her for a reason." Embarrassed, his eyes darted in between the other's face and the ground. "Either way, I was recovering from an injury on that night, so I remember very little beyond sensation -- it was so intense -- and I...I-I admit I blacked out at some point. So when I say I wish I could redo that night, it's not just because of the p.leasure I felt...it's because I genuinely feel as if I failed her."

Perhaps that was also why she inevitably pushed him away...

[honorhearted]

☝️ Your first day at Yale

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The corner of Benjamin's mouth curved upward. "If you're hoping for a bunch of illicit shenanigans, I'm afraid I must disappoint. I am not saying those things never occurred, of course -- though if you r.eport this back to my father, I will deny such claims -- but my first day was more about acclimating and meeting my fellow classmates."

A bittersweet tugging formed inside his chest at the thought of Hale, but he ignored it, forcing his smile to widen despite the tight, sinking sensation in his heart. "In terms of our lessons, we mostly studied the classics and languages, and started each day bright and early with our Lord. It was...mostly perfect. I was a bit bored, seeing how I'd already learned most of the c.urriculum at home under Father's patient tutelage, so that is where I found myself embroiled in trouble. Idle hands, after all, truly are the d.evil's p.laythings."

With a chuckle, he glanced down into his drink. "Nevertheless, it was a perfect day. I got to room with the man who turned into my best friend, and...everything took shape from there. For better or worse."

[honorhearted]

☝️your first Brothel trip

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Benjamin nearly backwashed into his cup. Choking down the ale, he rubbed at his chest and huffed, setting aside the drink with a shake of his head. Who had told? Caleb and Abe were the only ones who knew, so...

Narrowing his eyes, a look of suspicion crossed his face before he ventured, "Do you honestly listen to everything B.rewster says? He may be a friendly arsehole, but he's an arsehole who lies."

And most especially when it was at his expense...

Nevertheless, a hint of good humor finally returned to Benjamin's mien, and he grinned, sheepish in his humility. "I went once," he allowed. "It was for my sixteenth birthday. Caleb said he had a 'real surprise' for me, and, like a fool, I expected it to be something I'd actually enjoy. In short...it was not."

Recalling the way the woman of easy virtue, or Genevieve, as she'd been introduced, had giggled at his clear embarrassment, and teased him for every blush he gave when asked what he wanted, Benjamin winced and continued, "We ended up just talking. She didn't mind the break, and since I was curious, I asked her about womenfolk -- which, I must confess, still elude me in every possible way."

The hour had come and gone, and although Caleb was disappointed that nothing had happened, it at the very least gave them an entertaining story to whisper amongst themselves for years to come. Not so long ago, the arsehole had even used Genevieve's name as a secret code for their p.rivate m.essages. If nothing else, no one could ever accuse B.rewster of not having a sense of humor...

[honorhearted]

☝first kiss.

(Audrey / charmantevamp)

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Benjamin was not the type to kiss and tell (quite literally), but he held a distinct fondness for the memory of his very first.

With a smile, he idly ran his fingers along the saber at his hip, his hand clasping around the hilt before he hummed. "I'm surprised you're so curious," he said. "Everything was innocent back then...uneventful, almost, and perhaps that's what I miss most of all."

His boyhood was filled with star-dizzy nights, constant mischief after dark, and, slowly but surely, everything shifted into an interest in the fairer s.ex that made he and his friends throw the occasional fist.

"Charlotte Greyville," Benjamin murmured. Catching Audrey's gaze, he amended, "That was her name... A fair-haired, dark-eyed girl with braids and freckles, and an endearing little gap between her teeth." Unbidden, he grinned at the memory. "She was always a bit sweet on me -- but at the time, I thought she rather liked Samuel. Everyone liked Sam. If they were hanging around our house, it was usually to meet with him a bit before Father chased them off."

Chuckling at the memories, Benjamin's heart faltered, as it often did whenever thinking of his brother -- his unofficial partner in c.rime; the better part of himself -- and he exhaled before continuing, "One day after one of Father's sermons, Charlotte pretended to trip and hurt her ankle. I bent down to help her, and then she surged up and kissed me, right there under the old oak behind the c.hurch. It was over nearly as soon as it had begun, but it had me reeling far more than any dizzying tumble down a hill." He smiled. "And even though we never truly courted, I still keep those days close to my heart. It was special...and in many ways, the start of my officially becoming a man. I went off to Y.ale not long after. "

[honorhearted]

☝ + Ben felt proud of his choice to enlist

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"I can't say I've ever not felt proud to some degree," Benjamin softly offered. "My father...I've always wanted to make him proud. No matter the topic, no matter the event, I just wanted him to look at me and not regret the man I'd become. And when the first stirrings of w.ar arose, I signed my name without so much as a hesitation. Father served in the previous w.ar, so my decision seemed preordained."

Looking up again, his lips quirked ever-so-slightly. "Still, I suppose the first true moment of pride I felt was when I was still in C.onnecticut. A group of unruly l.oyalists were tormenting a young girl and her family for aiding in our Cause, and we were able to put a stop to it before any true v.iolence was enacted. In truth, the b.attles against our very own are some of the hardest to endure... I never take any joy in seeing families and friends torn apart when in the end, I truly do believe we all want the same things in life."

[honorhearted]

☝️ Your first lesson to your students

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"I can't believe you found this..." Gently, he brushed his fingers along the p.rimer book. It was a bit damaged due to the fire from the r.ansacked home it was gleaned from, but otherwise, was perfectly functional. During that week, a small group had gone on a reconnaissance mission to l.oot some damaged estates. One of the items found was this very book.

Smiling, Benjamin looked up with shining eyes. "I started off with the alphabet, and we used these very primers. My father still has the one Sam and I used from boyhood, though naturally, I didn't take it with me to school... Still, it's a bit humbling to see these again. It reminds me of what's truly important in this w.ar: fighting for those who were left behind -- the vulnerable and the defenseless."

With a fond, pleasant warmth settling inside his chest, Benjamin continued, "The boys were so attentive and eager to learn, and full of questions -- perhaps too many for my first day, because I wished to indulge them all -- and we stayed at least fifteen minutes late. I gave them all some bread and jam I'd brought from home, and then I walked a few of them home. I miss them very much." Throat raw, he whispered, "I imagine that by now, some of them are grown and perhaps even enlisting..."

[honorhearted]

☝️First time you told a girl or woman (unrelated to you) that you loved her

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Benjamin hesitated. He supposed that as his age, he should have a multitude of stories on this very matter, but the truth was...he didn't.

Uncertain if he would be scorned, he offered, "I'm afraid I have yet to utter these words to any woman -- not because I do not wish to, but because I believe these words are s.acred, and thus, should only be spoken to my future wife." Sheepish, his smile grew a touch shy. "Perhaps it seems foolish, given the circumstances, but I've always been sparing with words of affection since they hold so much meaning. I suppose the closest I've come is saying it to Anna...she is a dearly beloved friend, and I do love her, but my friends and I all tend to show affection through our actions rather than our lips."