So... Big one here huh, not as in "many words", but as in "oof.. that's not.."
Anyway, trigger warning for graphic (?) descriptions of child death! Specifically, murder. Because this is about Cross! And we all know his daddy isn't uh.. isn't very fond of him let's just say!
Anyway, feel sick- i mean, feel free to read!! .. and Then get sick.
Anyway-
So like.. you know those cases? of people getting so angry they kill someone else in a moment of anger?
It's a classic thing, I'm sure, disturbingly enough. Crimes of passion are no new thing, but what if you could just.. go back?
Imagine how many times XGaster did that.
Getting so frustrated with how this current timeline was going he just murders Cross before restarting, so he could start again with a.. clear head, this time.
We all know he likes to take it out on him, i mean.. have you Seen Cross? Oh yeah, dad did Not like that guy.
But like.. we all know XGaster didn't actually see him as a kid, much less a person. He saw him as a tool, and when you're having a bad fucking day and something isn't working right and something is too fucking loud and the tv is humming and the weather is a little too hot and people are too Chatty and annoying and it's too fucking Bothersome the way things are going and oh.. and oh you planned meticulously!! You did everything right but nope, haha! It is Not going according to plan!! And this tiny thing is not making it any fucking better-!
Choking him to death, suddenly grabbing him in a fit of rage and just bashing his tiny child's head against the nearest surface, shattering his skull completely before it disintegrates into dust.
Do you think babybones' skulls are still soft?
Just yanking his soul straight out of his chest and crushing it as hard as he can in the palm of his hand, clenching his teeth, his joints starting to Ache.
And then just.. taking a deep, slow breath, satisfied. Soul soothed and adrenaline tapering off, and leaving you with this sense of calm and clarity. And trying again, shaking his hand to get the dust off his fingers.
He can do it as many times as necessary, go back as may times as he wants until he gets this timeline Perfect, so what If he kills him a few times beforehand? It won't change anything, not really, cross won't even remember, no one will know But him.
Because when something isn't working right, when the tv isn't turning on and the remote's buttons are refusing to work, when the One Thing you want to do can't be done and the lights are flickering and you don't have a spare lightbulb and you can't Get one right now because you're doing something else that cannot be left fucking unattended-
When your tool isn't working, you hit it. And if you're in a really bad fucking mood, and it isn't working, then you break it.
You throw it against the fucking wall, you kick it away with your feet and you cuss and yell as you do it, chest heaving in pants before grabbing it and doing it again and again and again and again bashing it against the counter until the all anger is gone.
And if you can, you leave it there, now soothed, mind soft and pliant once again, and you go do your own thing for now.
Because really, who Cares? It doesn't even Matter. It can just be replaced.
You leave it wherever it is, on the floor probably, and go make your tea, read a book, take your mind off of it.
Not All of us have the luxury of breaking things when they don't work, we have to do things like- journaling, and screaming into a pillow.
So since he can, and he wants to.. well.. why wouldn't he?
It'll be back with the snap of a finger anyway, and the last packet of chamomile tea is right There, it'll be a shame to let it go to waste this timeline, so may as well.
Hey, who ever said no to self indulgence?
(How many times do you think he just.. left cross's dust laying there?)
Imagine killing your kid over and over and not even caring. Imagine killing a baby who's age isn't even two digits yet because you find it calming. Imagine murdering a child with soft baby teeth still because you find it so Soothing to do so.
How many times did it happen? how many times did Cross's soft high pitched screams get suddenly cut off because children are so Small and so Fragile and have such little HP that it really doesn't take that much force at All to kill them.
How many times did XGaster call him over, voice clipped and short, for that Sole reason? For the sole chance to kill him? Pattering footsteps taking the stairs one at a time as they come down?
Does he look fondly upon those memories? Does he care for them at all? Surely you don't remember throwing your book across the room is frustration, so why would he, really.
It's so incredibly frustrating that I wake up tired, I spend most of the day exhausted, and then at about 8.30 - 9.00 in the evening I'm just starting to get my energy back and then I have to take my evening medications because! THEY MAKE ME TIRED. And the later I take them, the more likely it is that they'll still be making me tired when I wake up!
I was wondering like "man why am I so pissed off when my alarm goes for my evening meds? why do I keep snoozing and snoozing and snoozing it??" newsflash idiot - YOU DON'T WANNA TAKE THE TIRED-MAKE MEDS BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT DONE BEING TIRED.
