#fixing yourself

[unwelcome-ozian]

[silenceerased]

You came in the silence

Like a dream

Swept me off

My aching feet

Fed me promises

Of futures of gold

Told me secrets

That have never been told

Yet I would recoil

At the love you would show

Kept my emotions locked up

In a box far below

You can't bring me out

Of the hell I call home

That job is for me

And for me alone

It wasn't your fault

When I couldn't stay

You were the right dream

On the wrong day

[shimmywritings]

Embrace

I cherish the parts

Of us that are broken, none

In you can’t be fixed

[natsufatsu]

To clean up your room also means confronting the devils in your house. Set up everything with purpose, so your room sets the stage for you what you should do and how you should act in it.

Work on the things you leave undone just because you're angry, resentful or lazy. 

If you can’t even clean up your room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world? Change yourself before trying to change the world. 

[silenceerased]

For the longest time,

I had every reason to believe

That there's no such thing as a

Happily ever after

But standing here now,

After countless counseling sessions,

After day after day of fixing myself,

After hundreds of hour-long talks,

After long, quiet nights that felt like eternity,

After defining and redefining peace

Acceptance

Understanding

Love,

Standing here now,

Staring at you,

I could be convinced

They exist

[silenceerased]

Cactus Blossom

When I was 13,

I decided my favorite flower was the forget-me-not

I had read that it meant

Exactly what it said

"Never forget me," it whispered,

Soft blue and purple petals caressing the words

Like a promise

Small but many

Little but true

"Love is forever," it said,

"Love is forever"

6 (almost 7) years later,

I can't say I'm any wiser

I can't say I'm any smarter

I can't say I'm any better

I can say I've been hurt

I can say I've been scarred

I can say I've been forgotten

Promises don't mean very much, do they?

I threw away the meaning of the flowers

Locked it up where I can't see them

Threw away the key

Set flame to the memory

I refuse to be led astray by beautiful lies again

The thing about pain

Is it makes you harder

It makes you less trusting

It brings out a defense you didn't even know existed

(Maybe it didn't till now)

And you find yourself always on guard

Eyes sharp, mind alert

Waiting for the next thing to come for your throat

This time, you’re ready

Armor spotless, you’re no wilting flower

Rough, barbed, dangerous

No one can get close enough to remember you,

So no one will be able to forget again

(And if somewhere down the line,

Someone comes by and notices

The beauty of the flower growing from within the pain)

Maybe it’ll be worth it

[silenceerased]

Fixed

We are broken. Shards of glass caused by blunt force trauma. Lumps of coal crushed by society's hatred. No one is safe from fracture. No one is safe from pain. Every day life can bring such grief, Constant reminders of the emptiness within. A broken heart, a torn soul, a grieving child within. No child wants to feel pain, no child should feel pain. Yet the innocence within us withers as experience tells us, "You can't be happy." "You can't be loved." "You can't be safe." "You can't be whole." Does growing up mean splitting your soul up? Giving one part up for society to do what it wants. Giving one part up for hatred to do what it wants. Giving one part up to everyone that tells you, "You can't be." Over and over, till you're nothing but a husk. Nothing but an empty shell to be thrown out. And yet, people still find joy and love. People still smile, even when everything around them says stop smiling. People still laugh, even when everything around them is grieving. People are somehow still complete. Broken, yet complete. Perhaps we are broken, but perhaps we can heal. Perhaps we can glue the shards, compact the dust. To make a stained glass window. To make a diamond. To make something beautiful.

[reginadellaluna9]

ENTRY 368

"You keep trying to fix yourself, don't you?

But what if a part of healing isn't about fixing anything at all?

You've been fighting so hard to mend what's broken inside you, to glue the shattered pieces back together.

But what if a part of healing isn't about fixing?

What if part of it is about loving those broken pieces enough to let them breathe?

Healing is not a race to run.

Healing is not a checklist to complete.

It's a process of learning to sit with your pain, to let the raw edges of your wounds soften over time.

Instead of rushing to feel better, give yourself the temporary grace to just be where you are.

You don't have to have everything figured out right now.

It's in the pauses, the deep breaths, and the moments of self-compassion; be patient with yourself.

Healing happens when you stop fighting your pain and start loving yourself through it."

-Anonymous

More thoughts later.