for @flaine1996 as part of the @masseffectholidaycheer
Part 2 of 2: after (fic) [part 2: before (music)]
aka Thane & Kaidan during ME3, and how they’ve dealt with their lives after they met Shepard (background F!Shenko) because how you do a thing matters.
*
Hospitals are too damned bright.
This one's at least got big picture windows, so it's not all that fake white sterility.
If Kaidan thinks about it too much it makes him feel worse, though, because he's inside a space station. It's not real sunlight, it's not real fresh air, and yet it fools him for a moment every morning when he first looks "outside", and wants to crack the window to let some of that in.
But the outside's not much different than the inside, even with all the cultivated plants and water out there. (There are plants and water in here, after all. They'd wheeled him to the atrium as soon as he could manage sitting up, and they let him walk himself there now that he's a bit more mobile.)
He misses the wind off the seashore, the tang of real pine as the air starts turning cold, the way frost makes the inside of his nose tickle. (It'd be a terrible idea, of course, sitting outside in a Canadian autumn in the shape he's in, but he wants it, beyond rhyme or reason or logic.)
Or maybe he wants it to be summer, sitting on a porch drinking a cold beer.
Nothing quite like a cold beer on a hot day, his grandmother had told him once, back when he'd been granted his first spare sip of his father's drink, and almost spat it out again at how dank and bitter it had tasted. She'd had a quirk of a smile on her face, and the rest of the adults had barely smothered their laughter at his expression. Though you might not agree with me on that one just yet.
Or ever, his mother had answered, shaking her head over her sparkling water. She never did drink beer, and seldom used wine for anything other than cooking, either. Some of us still don't.
"You still with me?"
Kaidan blinks, makes himself focus on Tiana, his physical therapist. "Sorry," he answers, his voice rough in his too dry throat. He reaches out a hand, and she slips a water bottle in it before he can even ask. He drinks, tries not to think too much about how different the tepid liquid is from the beer in his memory.
Tiana shakes her head when he passed the bottle back, a smile clear in the flare of her mandibles. "No apologies necessary. We're almost done."
Kaidan sighs out a breath in relief, ignores the ache in his thighs and back, and makes himself do one more rep, than another.
"There we go," Tiana sighs with him as he finishes. "Time to cool down."
Kaidan nods, and doesn't bother trying to speak again as they go through the familiar routine. Sweat is slick on his skin, and he hates how exhausted he is, hates the dull throb from the neutral amp they'd put in to make sure his biotics didn't flare during his recovery.
SOP for head wounds; he knows that, but that doesn't mean he likes it.
He never thought he'd miss that sharp-sweet pressure from his L2 implants, that constant background he'd forced himself to accept over the years, but now that it's temporarily suppressed he doesn't quite feel like himself, almost as off-kilter from the change in the static between his ears as from relearning the shape and stretch of his body.
He wonders, a little, how much worse it must have been for Shepard, to wake up with everything different around her, body and mind and galaxy...
He shakes his head, and makes himself focus on the here and now.
He's got it so much better than she did, he doesn't have anything to complain about, not really.
He's not isolated, he's got messages from his folks waiting for his reply, even a quick note from Anderson in his inbox. He's got a tech analysis to go over from Tali, who asked for a second opinion, and a rant from Garrus about their current REV that ends with a truly bewildered how the fuck does this damn thing make me miss the Mako?
Nothing from Shepard, but he understands that, he does. They need more than blank words on a screen. She'd come to visit him, he knew that, but he'd been too far gone, not yet awake, and he wishes...
He just has to wait.
He's getting better, even if it's at a frustratingly slow pace...
Unlike his standing dinner engagement. Krios is never going to get better.
He and Thane eat together most days.
They don't ever talk about Shepard, the one thing that they have in common, the one thing that brought them together...
It's nice, actually, to talk to someone who didn't know him before, who has no expectations, no preconceptions. Who goes still whenever Kaidan does, whenever one of them thinks of something from their past that's too heavy to let slip away quickly.
Only tonight, Thane doesn't go silent, as if he can tell that Kaidan's worries are closer to the surface than usual.
"She keeps a picture of you."
Kaidan blinks, his fork hovering somewhere between his plate and his mouth.
"In her quarters, on her desk." Thane blinks, more slowly than usual, the movement of his eyelids easy to follow. He exhales, heavy and rasping. "A reminder, I think, not just of why she fights, but how she chooses to do so."
Kaidan closes his eyes, puts his fork down with a soft tunk. It aches, twisting and bitter, somewhere in his chest where his heart's supposed to be.
He'd failed to be there for her, and yet she acted like he had been, and he wasn't sure he'd ever forgive himself...
Thane scoffs in the back of his throat, the noise softer and deeper than one Kaidan would make, caught in the dregs of his illness, in the shape of his mouth and tongue. "I do not say that to make you feel worse, Alenko."
Kaidan manages half a smile, opens his eyes. "But I'm good at feeling guilty, Krios, what else should I do?"
Thane rolls his eyes, his expression soft. "Not that."
"You any good at taking your own advice?"
"I have made my peace—"
Kaidan scoffs that time, louder and sharper. "No, you haven't. Settling into dying isn't the same thing as accepting how you lived."
Thane is truly still this time, his hands pressing down on the table hard enough that Kaidan can see the shape of the seam through the thick joint in his middle finger.
"There are things I've done..." Thane trails off.
"I killed my first man when I was a teenager." Kaidan shrugs as Thane tilts his head, clearly listening, even as he doesn't quite lift his head enough to meet Kaidan's gaze. "And sure, it was provoked out of me, was mostly a protective instinct, and I'm not sure there was a way to have stopped it, not with everything else that was happening..." He trails off this time, swallows. He knows Thane is waiting for him to finish, recognizes that he's not trying to stop, that he just has to line up the words properly. "But for just a moment I was glad I'd stopped him, proud of what I was capable of doing to another person, and no matter how horrified I was a moment later, I will never again not know that about myself."
Thane nods, slow and steady and understanding. Kaidan had thought he'd understand. Not a lot of people would. "And then what did you do, once you learned yourself?"
Kaidan huffs out something that's not a laugh. "I got lost for awhile."
"Perhaps I should let myself get lost." Thane's voice is thick, and a little damp, and Kaidan can't quite tease out the emotion from his illness.
I don't think you have the time. But Kaidan knows not to say that. Doesn’t even want to, really. Thane doesn’t need the time, after all, not like Kaidan had, all those years ago.
"I don't know, I think that's hard to do when you've found yourself again, already." Kaidan lets himself smile; it's not entirely happy, but it's there, and he sees the tension in Thane's shoulders ease at the sight of it. "You've got Kolyat, and your memories. And the Normandy."
"We both have Shepard."
Kaidan nods. He knows he does, knows he will, when he can stand on his own, when she comes back. It might not be what it was, nothing's ever exactly what it was, but they'll still have... something. They'll make it enough, he's sure of it. "We'll always have Shepard. And she'll always have us."
"Always?" Thane doesn't have an eyebrow to raise, but the expression's familiar nonetheless, sardonic but not as heavy as he was a moment ago. Thane doesn't have much time left.
“How she chooses to fight, remember?” How you live matters, even when you're not around to see the consequences. Kaidan knows he'll never forget Thane Krios, and the company he had during this odd oasis in his life. Knows Shepard never forgets any of her friends. Kaidan's smile is a bit easier this time, and it widens even further when he sees Thane smile back, small but sincere. Thane understands. "So yeah. Always."
Mass effect relationship questions: 1,4,33,35, and 43
Answered 1 here!
What would damage a friendship for Shepard?
For Jacen, any sort of two faced nonsense. Being friendly with him, then talking behind his back, making fun of his quirks. That sort of thing.
For Scout, it’s probably more of a lack of integrity of any sort. She doesn’t like cheats, she doesn’t like liars. Even if she found someone amusing, that sort of thing would shut it down fast.
For Aedan, it’s trickier. She’s not perfect, she certainly doesn’t expect anyone else to be. She’d say anyone who took advantage of weaker people, but she adores the krogan and they make a habit of it. Looking at her relationships, she likes people to...own up to what they’re bad at. She doesn’t mind covering for a weakness, she’s got plenty, she just wants you to admit it.
What would be their perfect date?
Scout likes a big, walloping romantic gesture. She wants the roses and candlelight and champagne. Barring that, her guy learning a dramatic, human dance ritual? That was pretty swell.
Jacen just wants to hang out and not get shot at, thanks. A restaurant that caters to both levo/dextro diets and a not too serious movie or play: he might think it was fun to be super civilized for a night. Cuddles.
Aedan needs something physical, hiking up a good climb or scuba or something of that nature. Followed up by an afternoon in the sun and a very simple finger food type meal. It probably needs to end in sex.
Is there anything they dislike about the other?
Not so much *dislike.* Both Aedan and Kaidan have things that can get exhausting, now and again. Aedan flails a little at how easily Kaidan sees through her, it makes her want to hide sometimes. Kaidan wants to shake her for not realizing that sometimes people need you to tell them when you’re in trouble and not have to connect eight different micro expressions and the way you take your coffee, Shepard. (sorry, had a moment, lol). Aedan gets tunnel vision, Kaidan can be a little too righteous. Both of those are things they admire but it’s hard to *live* with when people keep trying to murder you. Aedan tries to laugh off pain of any sort, Kaidan can get lost fixating on a detail. Nothing huge, but things that would probably become issues if they wouldn’t talk them out, eventually.
I copped out a little on this because of plot, but there is one thing on Aedan’s end. She, at first, very much dislikes the fact that Kaidan is different. She falls in love internally screaming because it’s terrifying. When Anderson and the Alliance turns their back on her it makes her angry but she’s never angry at Kaidan and that’s terrifying, too. It’s a goddamn mess internally and it takes her a huge chunk of time to process it. Good thing she went to prison and had a little thinking time.
Is there an enemy for whom your Shepard have/had respect?
An actual enemy? No. She ends up having to treat the Council adversarially to get what she wants done. She generally respects them by 3, gets where they’re coming from. She also would like to bury her head in the sand. But she has a job to do. She ends up fairly averse to the Quarians but Tali keeps Aedan from seeing them as enemies. For all her shades of grey though, Aedan knows evil when she sees it. Saren’s a bad guy in evil’s pocket. TIM’s a bad guy with deep pockets and no moral center. The Reapers are evil. The closest she might come to it is the Batarians, Balak in particular. She respects that he pulls his shit together to help his people in the end.
For headcannon for trilogyweek I like to imagine my Shepard not actually being a fan at collecting the toy ships but Tali and garrus saw how on edge Ezner Shepard was so they gifted to to her and she's been using her downtime to fix them up and when the crew notices they start buying the toy ships for her and she doesn't know why but ends up accepting them anyway as a thank you from the crew
That’s lovely. I’m a huge fan of “small misunderstanding leads to shenanigans” which can be really funny like Shepard suddenly getting tons of toy ships from outsiders and having a pile near her bed and she’s like “I’m not even collecting them!!!!” to sad because children will definitely send her their own toy ships during the Reaper War to ask her to protect them
The Lost Daughter is pretty much my femshep series. I’ve just finished Riley “Nike” Shepard’s origin story (The Lost Childhood), tracing from roughly sometime after birth to the point she enlisted and got her commission.
The plan is to move onto the events of ME1, putting my twist on things. Then, ME2, ME2.5 (where in you see what Riley is up to during the six months of house arrest), ME3 and then beyond. It’s the beyond stuff that’s I’m really excited about. Writing canon events is its own kind of difficult. It’s post canon / in between canon where I cast of the shackles and write anything I want.
Hoo :0 flaine, you’re alive :D Here’s a picture of Onyx and Echo in these dangerous times (Artist: leonliones)
Well… Idk if you’re asking for Echo or Onyx but I’ll do both for you :)
W-Wild Card, a random yandere headcannon.
Echo:
In the early days of Echo just moving into Onyx’s home, Onyx wasn’t aware of the horde of pictures and the shrine he was building in his room. Echo’s bedroom was his space and Onyx was respecting it… (well, trying her best not to get attached to him again). But without her supervision, Echo’s room became some psychopath’s wet dream. Not a single spot was left open without some image of Onyx on the wall. There were so many pictures of her, some that she actually never realized he took. There was a corner where he kept some of the items she left behind and his pillowcase is one of her missing shirts. This clutter would have grown if Echo never accidentally dragged Onyx into his room.
It was one morning. Onyx wanted to tell Echo they had a day off and knocked on his door. He just came out of the shower and wearing only his towel, causing Onyx to internally panic. Taking the chance, he dragged her into his room to flirt but completely forgetting the state of his room. When both realized it, it was Echo’s turn to internally panic and thought Onyx will actually kill him. But Onyx was flattered and didn’t care about his room. And if anything, she took a selfie with him and gave the picture to Echo… encouraging him to take more pictures of them together since it’s embarrassing if she’s the only one in the photos. Echo’s soul? Gone. He was so flustered and felt like an ass even though Onyx said it was fine. Later on, Echo eased up on his collection but didn’t really want to remove it.
Onyx:
So… scene- Onyx was looking around for Echo like a lost puppy. She’s used to him always following her around, so it was the first time he wasn’t nearby. Eventually, she found him sleeping behind a desk with a textbook in front of him. Most likely studying but ended up bored. She figured that he was tired after so many nights of him watching her sleep. Onyx had a hard time sleeping once he first started but eventually, she found it comforting to be watched and so close to Echo… so it was rather eye-opening when she remember that he’s been staying up late. Feeling bad, she placed a blanket over him before taking a place to watch him sleep. Consider it returning the favor…
Soon, she has an internal monologue about how pure and kind Echo is. You heard it here folks: instead of the yandere going on a purity fetish on their S/O, it’s the S/O viewing the yandere as innocent. Trope, inverted. Anyways, she goes through the cycle of wanting to protect Echo from any dangers, her believing that she belongs by Echo’s side but undeserving, blaming herself for all the mess, and ultimately wanting to save the universe so that Echo will always have a home. You know… overly protective thoughts.Ends with Onyx touching Echo’s lips with her fingers then kissing her fingers then dipping before Echo wake up… him never the wiser as to what happen.
flaine1996 replied to your post “Wait a second. Why am I only now asking this... Why DON’T people know...”
Actually if you romance Tali i think she leaves her face/picture on your bedside but i think the fandom completely blocked her face out because well it was so badly done lol ;___;
Oh, I know about that. But it’s repeatedly mentioned throughout the series that no one remembers what quarians look like under their masks, and it’s just... Even if there weren’t images, which, there realistically absolutely had to have been, quarians were space-faring even before the Morning War, and asari alive then would see be alive during the trilogy...
The big question I have is WHY are the helmets face obscuring? It’s not like they need certain atmospheric requirements that are going to fog up the masks to the degree that all in-game quarian masks are. Even if they need the sealed environment of the helmet, nothing requires the masks to be obscuring their faces.
Also, WHEN, exactly, would Tali have had the opportunity to take that picture? Okay, that’s beside my point, but it’s still a valid question!
@flaine1996 replied to your post “Going into Mass Effect, I was under the impression that Kaidan would...”
Technically he isn't really a fave because a lot of people still hate or dislike him due to his reaction on horizon and not trusting shepard in ME3 so he gets criticized a lot. If your looking for the true fan favorite its garrus.
