sea, swallow me
eren yeager x fem!reader
masterlist last chapter next chapter
summary: in which eren jaeger, an amazing football player, gets to play for one of the best high schools in marley, the mysterious rich town over.
in which y/n y/ln, the well-off girl, tries to overcome her addictions and just wants to be loved and cared for.
content warnings: car accident, drug abuse, alcohol,’gore’
chapter six
FLASHBACK
y/n?
you woke up to the sun shining down on your face. you were wrapped up in your boyfriend's arms. he was still asleep as he was moving and holding you tightly against his chest.
you looked up at his features, his pale skin, his light freckles, his rounded nose, and last of all his short blond hair.
he was one of a kind and you couldn't help but love him.
you looked over your room looking at your crystal section, and you smiled.
armin bought you all of them when you went to marley's boardwalk one year.
you moved slightly to grab a book from your nightstand, causing the blond behind you to move in his sleep.
you grabbed ahold of the book and read it, waiting for armin to wake up.
your plan was to go to marley's aquarium, the beach, then you both would go thrifting and then you would take the two of you home.
him to his small house in paradis. and you to your mini mansion in marley.
you smiled at your book. your nose crinkling up as the sun hit your eyes.
you had no idea what time it was or how late you were going to be. but you didn't care.
you could stay in this moment forever.
but you couldn't. you should've. you needed to go get dressed and get coffee.
"armin." you cooed shaking him gently.
he stirred awake with a smile. "morning!" he cheered. he was always so happy.
he is always so happy. you smiled back at him. "morning, armin."
you moved your arm back towards your nightstand, trading out the book for your phone.
you pulled it to your line of vision and looked at the time, nine-forty-five am. perfect timing!
you smiled and tossed your phone somewhere on the bed. you tossed your head back to look at armin. he was studying your room as the sun was hitting your floor in a beautiful way.
you reached up to give him a peck on the lips, and he blushed, making you giggle into the short kiss.
you got out of your bed and moved towards your bathroom, armin following.
he stretched as you stopped in your tracks. you stopped at your sink, reaching for your toothbrush and armin's. you handed him his.
you applied water onto your toothbrush, then toothpaste, water again, and began brushing.
armin did the same thing, and now you both were watching each other through your mirror.
you smiled, spitting out your toothpaste and rinsing out your mouth. you waited for armin to do the same so you could wash your face.
you shimmed your flowy pants onto your hips as armin was fixing his hair. you picked out your outfit last night, but you still were taking a while to get ready.
you already had your tank top on, so you simply just shoved deodorant on your armpits.
you grabbed your converse that matched your outfit and tied them. all you had to do was your hair and add jewelry.
you heard armin on his phone watching funny cat videos and laughing softly. you felt butterflies in your stomach.
you moved over to your newly cleaned vanity and saw the love notes and polaroid pictures of you and armin. you did your hair and slid your rings, and put on a big necklace.
you were done. you just needed to get your phone and wallet.
you dug through your purse you used last night and put your wallet in your pants pocket.
you moved towards the bed searching for your phone. when you found it, you had messages from your friends.
you opened and replied to all of them before making your way to armin.
"ready?" he said with a grin, extending an arm out for you.
"yep!" you said, linking your arm with him.
you walked downstairs, and your parents just waved and yelled goodbye.
you made your way to your clean black range rover and hopped in after unhooking arms with armin. you put the keys in and started the car and waited for armin to get buckled in. you did the same.
you began driving as armin played music on your bluetooth.
you tuned it out and just had only one focus getting to the coffee shop.
"im ready to see the aquarium!" armin said before going into a rant about some aquatic life he adores.
you smiled intently as you pulled into the coffee shop. your heart ached, but you shook it off.
you and armin got out of the car and walked into your favorite coffee shop ever, the sea tea. it was such a relaxing name and a cute themed inside.
you sighed as you looked at the menu, armins arms on your shoulders and his body pressed against yours. he laid his head on top of yours.
"do you know what you're getting armin?" you said as you were next in line.
armin bit his pink lip slightly. "maybe just an ice coffee. my stomach hurts today."
"okay!" you said, nodding and stepping up to the counter.
"hi, welcome to the sea tea! what can i get for you?" her name tag read petra, and you remember seeing her around your freshman class.
"just a strawberries and cream cold brew and an ice coffee with caramel and oat milk, please." you said, smiling at the girl as she tapped the fancy little screen in front of her.
"okay! your total is five-twenty eight." she said, flipping the screen around as she scurried to the back to make the two drinks.
you dug in your pocket and got out your wallet. armin played with your curls as you tapped the card on the screen, giving her a one dollar tip.
you moved to the drinking waiting area as armin still hung to your figure. he wasn't normally so touchy in public.
why today? you shook it off. it's probably because his stomach is hurting.
you guys got your drinks and made your way back to your car to head to the aquarium.
"do you want to get lunch at the beach then go thrifting?" you asked him as you sipped your coffee him putting on some music.
"yeah, we'll probably be hungry after walking around." he said before biting into one of the granola bars, you kept in your car.
"alright." you sipped on your drink one last time and then putting it down and pulling out of the coffee shop.
you made your way to the beach area as the aquarium overlooked the beach.
your stomach kept hurting as you kept driving. you had only started driving a few months ago but you would say you were pretty skilled so why now would your anxiety act up.
"when we thrift, i want to look for a really cute hoodie." you said looking at armin then directing your attention back to the road.
"maybe we can try and get matching ones." he said smiling as he played the playlist, he made for you.
"ooh, that'd be nice!" you said turning into the aquarium parking lot. it was very beached themed. everything down here was. you felt happy and peaceful as you grabbed your coffee and got out of the car.
it was windy and your hair blew across your face. the sun warmed you up like you were wrapped up in a big duvet.
you linked hands with armin, going inside the aquarium. you felt very warm and safe in his presence. you were comfortable.
he signed you both in and paid for two tickets before dragging you off to his favorite spots.
"look y/n! it's a whale shark!" armin shouted pointing up at it like a little kid.
you smiled, looking at it. it reminded you of armin. it was chasing bubbles at the moment, but still, it reminded you of your bubbly boyfriend who stared wide-eyed at the sharks.
"i love you, armin." you said, leaning into his arm and watching the sharks swim around behind the glass.
"i love you, y/n." he took his eyes off of the sharks to look at you.
he saw you looking amazed as the sharks swam around being sharks. if you both were sea creatures, would things be different?
why were you thinking that? stop it.
your face contorted into a frown before regaining its regular nature. no one would've noticed, but armin was staring at you.
"what's wrong?" he asked worry evident in his blue eyes.
you turned to him, what were you even thinking about? "i don't know, i just had a negative thought." you said, moving both of your hands back in forth like a little kid.
"oh, just let me know if you want to leave because we can." he said, moving his thumb on your hand lovingly.
"okay." you said, gaining a small smile on your face and watching two whle sharks swim in a circle around each other they both were chasing each other's tails.
it felt like you were in the aquarium for decades with how long you and armin stared at the marine life.
now it was time to eat. as you threw away your coffee, finally you and armin walked back to your car to discuss lunch.
"what do you want?" you asked armin sitting crisscross in your seat facing him.
he looked at you, thinking. "i kind of just want chicken tenders and fries."
"so do you want to go to that shack by the beach?" you asked adjusting your seating position.
"sure!" armin said turning the song on the radio up and looking outside the window at the sunny atmosphere.
your stomach got worse as you drove towards the beach restaurant. why didn't you feel good? you felt like you needed to savor this moment and to slow down. but you didn't know how.
you sighed and tapped your fingers lightly against the steering wheel to the beat of the song. your smile had vanished over time now and you were getting pretty agitated with it.
when you arrived armin got out of the car first, going over to your side. "what's wrong?" he asked opening your door.
"my stomach keeps hurting more and more. but it's fine it's probably because i haven't ate anything." you said walking into the restaurant with armin.
it was now pouring rain and your stomach ache hadn't died down it only got worse as the rain started.
"do you still want to go thrifting y/n?" armin asked after you both ran to your car. you looked out the window the sky was darkening more and more by the minute.
"not today." you said smiling. "i don't want to drive over the bridge can you stay at my house again?"
"that's fine." armin said turning your ac down and putting the heat on, he was so cold from the rain.
"okay." you said starting to drive.
the drive from the beach to your house was a twenty-minute drive and the rain didn't slow own at all. you could barely see out of your windshield.
"maybe we should pull over?" armin suggested. you should've listened to him.
"no i just want to get home." you said feeling the car move with the wind. your anxiety was slowly creeping up on you as you made it to a backroad to your neighborhood. meadow lane. it was forestry and had curvy turns.
the road was really slippery. but you still kept driving armin on his phone watching funny videos and sending some to you from time to time.
you were driving the speed limit but maybe you should've gone under. the car started slipping and you lost control. you didnt know what to do. so you held armins hand. "whats going on?"
you focused on the road and tried pressing the breaks. it was no use. "i dont-"
you crashed into the barrier on meadow lane. you felt your body being flown from your seat and onto your car hood. your hand unlinked with armins and all you could think about was him.
not even yourself, your chest had a giant cut on it exposing your two broken ribs. your heart felt heavy, and your brain wanted sleep. but you fought though it and opened your eyes searching for him. he was on the ground below you, blond hair beginning to matte with blood as he injured his head. his leg was bent the opposite way. there was glass shards sticking on his pale skin causing small specks of blood.
you pulled your eyes away. you felt around for your phone slowly, but it was no use. it was in the car behind you. you wanted to scream but you couldn't. your throat dry. someone needed to help armin. tears flooded down your cheeks and all you could do was close your eyes and drift off into a helpless sleep.
you woke up to the sound of sirens and beeping machines, your mind was awake but not your body. you could hear everything but not see anything. were you in an ambulance? is armin okay? are you okay?
your stomachache was gone. oh. it was replaced with the pain of all your injuries. why didnt you just pull over? why didn't you just stay in bed all day. why. why. why did you have to mess everything up.
you didnt want to breathe any more. you just wanted the emts to give up on you. your body was heavy with regret, and hatred all towards yourself.
you woke up, this time being able to see. you looked around the bland tan hospital room. no one. you slammed your head against the pillow. causing it to throb. tears threatened to fall, you just wanted somebody to comfort you. but no one was there.
you looked around your body seeing tiny stitches all over your body. there was a long stitch right under your chest where your ribs are. you felt like you couldn't sit up, with how bad your ribs were hurting. did you break them?
"y/n?" you woke up at the mention of your name.
it was a short lady with pink scrubs on.
you couldn't speak, you didn't want to. you just stared at her.
she finally realized you weren't going to speak. "your family's here." she said before trying to walk away. but you grabbed her arm. you looked at her and motioned you needed a pen and paper.
she nodded and walked away grabbing some. you heard your door open, and you snapped your eyes towards it. it was the lady again. she handed it to you. you wrote something down as she stared at you. 'how long has it been?' you wrote.
"just five hours." it felt like more it felt like you were in a paradox. you wrote again.
'where's armin?' you wrote looking at her as she read it. "he's just in the next room over." she said before a knock interrupted you both.
your mother opened the door and popped her head in. her eyes were red and puffy. she had been crying. "oh, my baby!" she said engulfing you into a hug, but you winced, and a tear slid down your cheek. "i'm sorry." she said before sitting down in the chair next to you.
your brother and father had followed shortly after probably parking the car. now your family was just waiting for the doctor to see what was wrong with you.
"she's in shock, she has two broken ribs, minor head trauma and small cuts and bruises." the doctor said to your family. his white coat had his name on it in small black letters. 'dr, grisha jaeger'.
you leaned our head back as your mother started crying once again. it was getting tiring. you just wanted this to be over. "and armin?" your father asked for you.
"i'm afraid he has it worse, a severe head injury, a broken leg, and a broken wrist. but that's all i can disclose." he said before walking out of the room.
severe? will he remember me? will he remember us?
it had been a few days, but no one was telling you about armin. is it because you won't speak? you pressed the emergency button on your remote and a nurse came rushing in. "whats wrong?" she frantically asked you. looking around for a threat or a sign that you were bleeding.
"where's armin? can i see him?" you said your voice crackling as you've spoken for the first time in three days.
she looked at the ground hesitantly like you weren't supposed to know this. "i'm sorry but he doesn't remember the past year and doctor, jaeger thinks its permanent." she said before walking to you.
your ears were ringing, and tears were flying down your face quicker than you could wipe them. you weren't supposed to know that. and you wish she never told you. your heart felt like a chip of it broke off. she looked at you and rubbed small circles on your back.
"i'm sorry y/n." she said stopping rubbing your back. she looked at the clock and realized it was time for your medication. she went in the closet and dug out a small pill bottle, morphine. she gave you one pill with a glass of water.
"take them as needed okay." she said setting them down on the table next to the hospital bed.
it was day four and pieck and reiner decided to visit you. there was a knock on your door, and they came in. when you saw the blond you busted out into tears.
"get out, reiner!" pieck said pushing him out. she sped walked over to you. she climbed into the bed and held you silently against her chest. you let out all your emotions as pieck just silently sat there rubbing your hair and holding you.
"its okay y/n." she said a tear falling from her own cheek. "its going to be okay."
it was finally the day of your release, and you were drained. you felt no emotion. your mother pushed your wheelchair down the long hospital hallway people smiled at you but all you could do was stare at your legs. you weren't paralyzed you could walk. just not very well.
your mother pushed you out into the entryway of the hospital where your father was bringing the car. your mother's white car pulled up and your father appeared. he got out of the car. he opened the trunk as your mother got into the passenger's seat. he put the bag of medicine and your bloodied clothes in the trunk as you waited for him to get you in the car.
he finished and closed the trunk moving over to you. he grabbed you and picked you up. he buckled you in. he closed your door and made his way back inside to return the wheelchair.
he got in the car and started driving back to your house. you were feeling uneasy being in the car. you know you weren't driving but still you didn't like it. at least armin won't remember the crash. you leaned your head against the window at the thought.
your stomach rumbled loudly causing your dad to laugh. "when was the last time you ate something other than hospital food? you want a burger?' he said smiling at you in the mirror. yes, you wanted a burger. but you couldn't bring yourself to eat.
you shook your head no and looked out the window.
the entire summer before sophomore year you survived off of your morphine and vicodin they gave you.
you mothers' alcohol cabinet had became more comfort to you than she had during this whole thing. all you did all day was stare at your ceiling, go through you and armins messages, cry and cry.
why did your memory have to stay intact why couldn't you lose your memory along with his. why. why did you fuck everything up. why were you falling in a rabbit hole you didn't know how to escape.
it's your fault. it's all your fault. you deserve this. you cried and cried as those thought rang through your head every day. but it was true.
you should've just pulled over. why not listen.
why did you have to survive, armin wouldn't have known or cared if you died.
why.
TAGS
@vlsquuu @american-girl001
