Summary: you’re a runaway mutant and you need a place to stay. you find one but is it worth the chaos?
Warnings: mentions of blood and knives, profanity, written with fem!reader in mind but could be gender neutral or male iyw
A/N: This has been in my drafts for weeks so I gotta get it out before the dust collects on it💀 not really proofread tbh..
You stared at the paper in you hand titled in big letters “Roomate needed” and sighed.
You were a mutant who couch surfed after running away from home. Cue typical tragic backstory stuff. Anyways, the last person found out what you were and you had to bounce. Now you needed a place to stay for cheap and quick. You had a job at some bar (that was a secret mutant friendly space) but it couldn’t really pay bills, let alone rent.
So after work one day, when you saw a roommate need flyer you grabbed it immediately. Under the title was an odd drawing of a ketchup bottle and a mustard bottle done in crayon with some red guy in the corner waving. Then under that was the following(also in crayon) : roomate needed asap. rent’s under $300. must be ok with dogs, blind old people, claws and blood. (Like lots of blood)
You sighed. It’s been a week on streets and sleeping on cold benches and that rent was enticing. Whoever made the flyer though was definitely either a child or someone extremely questionable but you definitely weren’t in any spot to be picky right now. Even though you were slightly turned away by the emphasis of “being ok with blood” (what the hell could that even mean!?!) Maybe you can save up while there and hopefully move out soon.
The address was at the bottom of the paper so you decided you’ll stop by in the morning.
The apartment actually wasn’t too far from the bar and the bench you claimed for the week was close to the bar also so after doing a quick freshing up in the bar bathroom you made your way to the apartment. It was decent enough…nothing shady..but nothing special either. The second you got to the door you heard screaming and a dog barking. Was this really the place?
Just when you were about to turn around and rethink this whole thing the door flung open. You gasped as a man with….spotted skin?? stood at the door with a knife stuck in the side of his head. He was bald and actually kinda tall? Notably, he also wore pink boxers paired with a my little pony shirt. No socks. Very odd sight to see and take in.
“Sorry, I think I have the wrong-“ you started but the man looked down at you holding the flyer and immediately exclaimed, “Oh! Logan! Someone’s seen one of the flyers I made! Oh, do come on in we were just having a friendly fight…”
All you could muster was, “Friendly?” As you glanced at the knife and blood in his shirt. Distracted, he successfully ushered you in the door as you were soon met with a small, old looking dog with its tongue hanging out. It barked at you and you jumped slightly.
“Oh, don’t mind her…he’s as sweet as pie. Well, maybe some really old and hairy pie but still sweet regardless.” The man said as he closed the door. “I’m Wade by the way.”
You smiled at the dog but soon turned to protest being in the apartment. It was quite the scene. You knew it was at least more than one person living here, not only because you heard arguing before the door opened but because of all the stuff. I mean, no way this was all him? Right?
“Hey, so, you know what…I dunno about all this…I mean..wow..” You looked around and soon noticed more blood, clothes everywhere, multiple bottles of alcohol , definitely a lot of knifes and..swords..? Half lit cigars? And why does the couch have 3 large claw marks in them? Surely, it couldn’t have been this dog.
Was that stuffed unicorn?
Wade noticed you concerned and sighed.
“You know this place was a lot neater a week ago, but let’s just say I recently adopted an alcohol addicted wolverine so everything has gone to shit. I mean, look at my head!” The man dramatically pointed to the knife. “He did this!”
You just laughed and backed up. Okay, now it’s time to really get the hell out. Of course, before you could move or even reply, soon entered another character. You watched a gruff, also taller but older looking man walk out. He was, too, covered with splats of blood.
“Speak of the devil. Hey, you got an apology yet, wolvie? Hm? Go on.” Wade crossed his arms and glared at the other man but the man just stared at you in confusion.
“Wade, who the fuck is this?”
“I told you, someone saw our flyer! You never listen! Y’know, I’m starting to want a divorce!”
“Well, I told you I was making one! Again, you don’t listen! You’re not being very mindful or demure right now!”
“What??????” Cue a head tilt which you found sightly amusing. “What the fuck are you talking about-….”
You decided to interrupt. “Um..yeah so if it’s gonna be a problem I can go….”
You started moving towards the door but Wade stopped you and said, “Oh, no no no..don’t let this meanie beanie weenie scare you away. This monster. This..this drunk!” Wade glared at him as the man rolled his eyes and looked away. “You’re welcomed to the family as of right freaking now!.”
The older man sighed and silently cursed as Wade sat you on the couch.
“Well, I don’t have anything other than this paper I guess..oh and my wallet and phone.” You decided you should also tell them the biggest secret you normally keep from others. That you were a mutant. Luckily for you, it was more hidden but it scared the hell out of the last person you stayed with so you wanted to get it out the way now. “Um…I should have you know, since my other folks didn’t like that i suprised them.. that I am a…y’know..”
You trailed off hoping he would get it but you quickly got your answer when Wade shouted, “A mutant!”
The old man glanced at you for a second as you fearfully watched their reactions but when the older man didn’t move and Wade hugged you,rather tightly also, you felt some relief.
“Me, too girlfriend…actually us two! It’s so nice to have another mutant friend. This whole thing is playing out just like my fan-fiction!”
“Us?” You asked ignoring the odd comment he made at the end.
“Means me.” The older man spoke up. “Name’s Logan.”
He waved once and walked up to Wade.
Logan asked Wade if he could speak alone and Wade told you to stay put as they went into another room. As you heard some back and forth going on you couldn’t help but wonder what mutations they could have. Maybe that explains Wades skin? And the fact he had a nice in his head, even now still, that didn’t seem to bother him. At first you just ruled him out as crazy but this makes sense too.
You were left alone for 5 minutes until Wade came back out.
“Okay, so, here’s the deal. Logan is being a big fat baby but I say you can stay on the account this is my place. We definitely need some extra hands around here so you can just stay on the couch. All the beds are taken right now unless you wanna share with me or Wolvie. And umm, do you already have a job?”
“Well, I work at the bar not to far from here…” You calmly replied.
Wade nodded “Great! Got another alcohol fan here, you’ll get along great with Mr. buns of steel in no time! He love alcohol, any kind, including the rubbing kind!”
Logan walked out the room again but immediately told Wade to “Shut the hell up.”.
“What?! It’s true! You do have buns of steel! And i literally saw you drink that rubbing alcohol-!”
Logan rolled his eyes again, sighing heavily as he grabbed a bottle of alcohol and sat in an armchair, turning on the tv.
You and Wade went over the rent, he mentioned the other resident, some older kind lady, and also explained when the trash comes. He kind of went over his lore and why he called a man a wolverine but it was all hard to follow.
“Wait, he’s an X-Man? Like comic book X-Man?” You said when Wade brought up Logan’s past.
“Oh, yes except it’s real in his universe and many others.. He’s actually the worst one but that’s just between you and me. However, he kinda makes up for it as he’s real good with those claws….” Wade winks but you can only tilt your head.
“God..-“ Logan grumbled as he finished the bottle. “Do you ever stop?”
“Not unless you beg for it.” Wade quickly replied but even quicker added, “No homo. Actually, full homo.”
Logan just stared in annoyance and focused back on the tv, shaking his head.
“Ok, well…why the ketchup and mustard on the flyer?”
“Oh, I just call us that. Cute little pet names.. yeah.. I’ll call him cutie patootie and he’ll call me a dumbass.” Wade sighed like he was reflecting on good times while Logan laughed out once. Wade soon adds, “I’m ketchup cause my suits red and I’m the more popular, more loved “condiment” anddd Logan is mustard because he can be more bitter and not as popular..I mean ask anyone reading this and most people would say they like ketchup more it’s a fact!”
Right after Wade finishes talking Logan throws a book at Wade’s head barking at him to shut up yet again.
“I see.” You looked around again at the chaos as Wade rubs his head and pouts at Logan. Wade asked if you could help clean this mess up. And any other future messes.. He said you could pay a bit less on rent if you did. You just agreed, having cleaned up worse at the bar.
You knew it was going to take some getting used to but you could make it work. On the bright side, you some what enjoyed Wade’s odd behavior. You wondered however, if Logan liked you but then again that didn’t matter either. You watched as the dog walked up to you, wanting to be picked up.
“Oh, look, it’s like she chose you! Like how beginning Pokémon chose their trainers…or, is it the other way around?”
You laughed as you picked up the dog.
“Well, thanks for letting me stay here.” You began petting the dog on your lap. “Don’t worry about me being here forever, I’m gonna try to save up and maybe give it take in 6 months I’ll be out your….um”
“Hair? Ha! It’s ok sweetheart, no offense. But you don’t have to worry about rushing out, I like you already and I’m sure Wolvie here does too right?”
Logan chugged the last bit of the bottle and just stared at Wade and you, sighing. With Logan’s face unreadable, Wade just laughed and said, “Give him time, most Wolverines start this way but they warm up in a few days at most a couple weeks….”
You just nodded like you understood and relaxed into the couch taking in your surroundings. Wade and Logan started to go back and forth again but you ended up tuning them out. Yup, this is your new life. Was it worth it?
You watched another knife fly in the air, barely missing you.
