Fic: Walking the Same Path
Title: Walking the Same Path Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1,072 Author’s Note: Obviously not intended as speculation … I’ve just been missing Phil’s live shows. Yes, I’ve written something for the first time in a while! Also on AO3 here
Walking the Same Path
“You haven’t done a live show in a long time.”
Phil picked at a glob of cheese and pulled it off his slice of pizza, feeling uncomfortable. “Yeah, I know.” He really didn’t want to talk about this, and here Dan brought it up out of nowhere.
“Why not?” Dan asked casually, like this wasn’t a loaded question.
It just doesn’t feel right, not when this was Dan’s house, too, and Dan didn’t want to have an online presence right now. Inviting thousands of people into Dan’s home just felt rude. “Well, I know you’re not wanting to face all that right now.”
Dan chuckled. “It doesn’t have to be a joint live show, doofus. You don’t have to mention me at all.” If he did it, he knew Dan would prefer to keep his name out of it, but Phil wasn’t deluded. He knew the chat would be nothing but questions about Dan’s disappearance.
But Dan had known him too long, and so he apparently could read what Phil was thinking. “You were famous long before I came around,” he pointed out. “And you were interacting with your audience back then, too. Remember? I was one of those audience members.” He grinned.
When Phil didn’t respond, still just picking at the toppings on his slice of pizza, Dan continued, “You just have to get comfortable being Phil again, not just half of ‘Dan and Phil.’ I’m dealing with my own stuff, but that doesn’t mean you can’t deal with yours. ... And I can tell you miss them.”
Phil looked up and gazed into those brown eyes. He knew Dan just as well as Dan knew him. “You miss them, too,” he pointed out.
Dan nodded, looking down, pensive. “I do. But it’s different. I need the space right now.” He looked up again, meeting Phil’s eyes. “I think you need the closeness.”
“I’m close to you,” Phil replied immediately. “And you need me right now.”
Dan’s mouth formed a firm, stubborn line. “What about what you need?” Phil didn’t say anything. He wasn’t a selfish person, and he wasn’t going to make Dan uncomfortable just to make himself happier. Supporting Dan was more important right now. It was always more important. But Dan’s face looked more and more determined. “Remember the quiff? And the ripped jeans? You were starting to open up a strong, confident part of yourself with your audience, and you’ve shut it down again. Shut it down for me. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want it for me, either.”
Phil bit his lip and considered, trying to read Dan’s face and seeing only honest support there. Dan supporting him, instead of only him supporting Dan. It didn’t used to be support in only one direction. He started to see what Dan was saying, and how it made sense.
Dan said gently, “I think you should do what you want, and don’t let my stuff hold you back. I’ll come back when I’m ready, but I think you’ve been ready for a while. Most couples have separate jobs, do separate things, but they come back together over and over again, walking the same path even though they each have their own needs and interests. You don’t have to give up what you love in order to support me, just because we were working together for so long. We can still walk the same path together.”
“So,” Phil began hesitantly, “you think I should do a live show?”
“You can be here for me—you always are—but you can be here for them, too. This is something you’ve always loved ... don’t just throw it away. Do a live show. Tell them about Florida. Tell them about that pigeon yesterday, and the thing with the tomato juice and your new triops. Just ignore any questions about me. Just ... they’re your people, Phil. They love you, and you love them.” He smiled softly.
“You love them too,” Phil responded sadly.
Dan sighed. “Yeah, well, I need to work more on loving myself before I have anything left for anyone else.”
Phil reached out to take Dan’s hand. He used the clean hand, not the one that had been picking at the pizza. “Except me,” he replied, and he knew it was true.
“Well, loving you is completely selfish, because it makes me feel better than I do without you.” Dan’s brown eyes were soft and no one could have missed the love shining there.
“So you think I should do a live show?” Phil repeated, still nervous about invading Dan’s privacy in his own home, still anxious about facing all the inevitable invasive questions.
Dan laughed. “Have you seen the beard edits?” Dan rubbed a hand against the stubble on Phil’s face. He’d been lazy about shaving lately, since they hadn’t left the house in a few days. “Just post a picture of you with all this scruff, and I guarantee there will be plenty in the chat about how hot you look.” Dan shrugged. “Just ignore the chat questions about me.”
Phil shook his head in wonder. He never would have expected Dan to be truly okay with this. But here Dan was, encouraging him to do this, because he knew it would make Phil happy. And he seemed honestly comfortable with it.
“Do it,” Dan insisted with a mischievous smile. “At least post the photo. You know they’ll love it. Tumblr and Twitter and Instagram will go crazy.”
Phil hesitated. Okay, maybe the picture. That made him feel vulnerable enough. And maybe a live show soon. Not yet, though.
Dan squeezed his hand. “Hey, no pressure. Just remember how much they love you, and how much you love them. Then do what feels right when it feels right. That’s what I’m doing.”
Phil looked down at their hands linked together. They were walking the same path, he reminded himself, even if it wasn’t as obvious as it had once been.
“Maybe next week,” he conceded. “Maybe a live show next week.”
Dan chuckled, and he sounded happy. “But the scruff picture today,” he insisted. “That one’s not negotiable.”
