Jun 18
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As someone with several vampires in the system this is the opposite of a comforting post 🤣
Goooods I hate the system in my country 😭
I'm trying to get stable, regular help from a psychologist, since my current psychologist can't help me much atm (a mix of her having too little experience with dissociative disorders, and her only working 40% now)
She tried to refer me to an expert who can help me a lot more rapidly than she can, but the expert is refusing to take me in because I don't have an official diagnosis on my dissociative disorder yet.
My psychologist agrees that I absolutely have a traumagenic dissociative disorder and alters, but because I don't have a diagnosis yet, the expert is just throwing me in the trash going "Not my problem."
And because my therapist is only working 40%, getting me diagnosed is going to take *months*
(BRO PEOPLE ARE REGULARILY TRYING TO TORTURE AND/OR KILL ME IN HERE I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!!!)
The other day one of my friends put a total-ban on interacting directly with my alters, and it's really hitting me hard. They said they've just never been comfortable -- nor do they have any interest in -- talking to anyone else and they only want to talk to me. I have to respect this because I don't want my friend to be uncomfortable. But I think this is a really sad and crushing situation. I just want all my friends to get along...
I LOVE Vampire The Masquerade Bloodlines 2 so much!!!! Fabien is SUCH A HUGE REASON why I realized I was a system in the first place 💙💙💙
For a moment I thought "Oh, what if I just replaced the name of [specific villain from my WIP books] with Poison's name, since they're so similar anyways.''
Only for me to a moment later remember that SAID VILLAIN HAS RECENTLY BECOME HIS OWN ALTER, SO HE WAS JUST STANDING BEHIND ME LIKE:
none of the people on this buss knows two of my alters are fucking in the sideseat next to me...
Oh also I went to a hair salon today and I didn't switch once! I was veeeery tempted to let Cold handle some of the process because I was very nervous and stressed, but I'm heeding my therapist's advice to not let my alters handle stressful situations (ESPECIALLY not if the situation is completely harmless) so I can work on fixing my avoidant personality disorder