Jun 18
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As someone with several vampires in the system this is the opposite of a comforting post 🤣
Goooods I hate the system in my country 😭
I'm trying to get stable, regular help from a psychologist, since my current psychologist can't help me much atm (a mix of her having too little experience with dissociative disorders, and her only working 40% now)
She tried to refer me to an expert who can help me a lot more rapidly than she can, but the expert is refusing to take me in because I don't have an official diagnosis on my dissociative disorder yet.
My psychologist agrees that I absolutely have a traumagenic dissociative disorder and alters, but because I don't have a diagnosis yet, the expert is just throwing me in the trash going "Not my problem."
And because my therapist is only working 40%, getting me diagnosed is going to take *months*
(BRO PEOPLE ARE REGULARILY TRYING TO TORTURE AND/OR KILL ME IN HERE I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!!!)
The other day one of my friends put a total-ban on interacting directly with my alters, and it's really hitting me hard. They said they've just never been comfortable -- nor do they have any interest in -- talking to anyone else and they only want to talk to me. I have to respect this because I don't want my friend to be uncomfortable. But I think this is a really sad and crushing situation. I just want all my friends to get along...
I LOVE Vampire The Masquerade Bloodlines 2 so much!!!! Fabien is SUCH A HUGE REASON why I realized I was a system in the first place 💙💙💙
none of the people on this buss knows two of my alters are fucking in the sideseat next to me...
Oh also I went to a hair salon today and I didn't switch once! I was veeeery tempted to let Cold handle some of the process because I was very nervous and stressed, but I'm heeding my therapist's advice to not let my alters handle stressful situations (ESPECIALLY not if the situation is completely harmless) so I can work on fixing my avoidant personality disorder
I'd say the most awkward part of finding out I'm a system, is the fact that I'm a creative writer and I had for 10 years been writing fiction centered around "The horror of another person being in your head, invading your thoughts and there's nothing you can do to stop it."
Not to mention the countless times I've thought "I am SO RELIEVED my thoughts are private and no one else can hear them!" meanwhile Scythe was there in the background going: