#for gays

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Hideos Kojimass

[ghostieking]

[gayinfodump]

Baldur

Tis a tale of tragedy.

Yes, we’re back at Norse mythology. Buckle up, guys, gals, non-binary pals, and otherwise.

Because this bitch

is Baldur, the son of Odin and Frigg. And he’s actually not a bitch at all. He was a pretty cool dude.

Well, he started having these nightmares of tragedy and misfortune befalling him. When the dreams returned over and over again, he decided to consult his dad.

Dad, I had a nightmare.

Odin probably groaned and slowly opened an eye. Like any father, he was probably a little pissed at being woken up so early.

But dreams always had meanings, and Odin loved his son more than anything, so he listened.

Baldur described the terrible events of his dream, and Odin knew he had to consult a dream-interpreter. In this case, the dream-interpreter was already dead. Naturally.

She was a Seidr, which was basically the norse version of an oracle (don’t @ me, I’m kind of right).

Well, Odin found her in the realm of the dead, setting up a grand celebration. You know, the kind of feast that was reserved for kings, queens, gods, and special guests.

What is this for? Odin demanded.

The Seidr told him that the feast was being prepared for none other than Baldur, who was doomed to die soon.

Of course she shared this information rather casually, like, Oh, you haven’t heard?

Well, Odin hadn’t heard. Not until that moment. And he was not happy.

So, he went back up to Asgard and shared the unfortunate news with Frigg. Naturally, the goddess didn’t accept that her son was doomed to die soon. So, in a desperate attempt to save her son, she personally consulted every thing, living and otherwise, in the cosmos.

Being a goddess, she could do that.

Well, she made sure that every rock, plant, animal, creature, etc. made an oath not to harm Baldur. Not a single grain of sand in the cosmos could hurt a hair on her son’s head.

Finally, she was content.

Now, some legends say that she overlooked the mistletoe, simply because it hadn’t crossed her mind. Some legends say that she chose to ignore it, thinking that it couldn’t possibly hurt her son. Either way, mistletoe was the only thing in the universe that hadn’t given an oath.

Well, the trickster god, Loki, learned about this.

Yes, that’s him. Marvel lied to you. Again. Get over it.

But at least real Norse mythology bothered to make Loki canonically gender fluid. More on that later.

So, Loki fashioned a weapon (some say a dart, some say a spear) out of mistletoe.

Meanwhile, all the other gods were having the time of their lives. They threw rocks and knives at Baldur, and all of them bounced harmlessly off. It was like Baldur had been dipped in the river Styx.

Nope. Wrong mythology.

He brought the mistletoe weapon to the blind god Hodr (whose name literally means Slayer) and suggested he throw it at Baldur.

The guy is invincible now, Loki said. So you can participate in the fun. Go ahead, throw it at him!

Hodr thought this was a fine idea, so he threw the spear (or dart) at Baldur, killing him.

He did not win best friend of the year for that, but neither did Loki. All the onlookers were too shocked to do anything. They all felt immense anguish (all except you-know-who).

Frigg tasked Hermod, Baldur’s brother, with going to the realm of the dead and negotiating with Hel, hoping that she would be merciful enough to release him.

Hel, being her kind and generous self (Sarcasm. That’s sarcasm), decided to strike a deal. She said that if all living things in the cosmos would weep for Baldur, then she would release him. But if any living thing refused, he would remain in the realm of death.

So Hermod brought the news back, and everyone in the universe began to weep for the loss of Baldur. Everyone except one giantess, known as Tokk.

Now, Tokk was actually just Loki (because Loki is a gender fluid shape-shifter). She refused to weep for Baldur, and coldly exclaimed that Hel should keep him.

So, Baldur was stuck in the realm of the dead with the goddess Hel, who did her best to take care of him.

But what happened to Loki? Well, more on that later, if you enjoy hearing about gruesome punishments.

[n-yks]

Ariana grande really is that bitch, she went from being ridiculed to adulated because of her new song in the span of a week.

[probablyacerealkiller-blog]

Cate Blanchett in Ocean's Eight is the gay agenda.

[stupidquotesfrommygaybies]

“I mean, three gays going on a road trip is dangerous enough”

- @queensyd-syd 1.30.19

[gayinfodump]

Loki’s Punishment

Hang on to your tits, everyone, because today we’re talking about some gruesome stuff.

As promised, we’re going to be talking about Loki’s punishment for killing Baldur.

Does he look different in this picture than in the last? Yes. Why? Idk, honestly. The guy’s a shape-shifter. Get over it.

Anyway, it’s important to note that Loki wasn’t immediately punished for Baldur’s death. The gods made an effort to get Baldur back from Helheim. That failed, of course. Then, Loki continued to act like a little shit, wreaking havoc everywhere. At some point, the gods just got tired of Loki’s bullshit.

That doesn’t mean I agree with their punishment. To be honest, it was a little extreme, even for mythology.

Loki knew they were plotting their godly revenge, so he fled Asgard and build a house on a mountain. This house had four doors, so he could see his pursuers from all directions (Paranoid, much?).

By day, Loki turned into a salmon and hid under a waterfall. By night, he sat by his fire and wove a fishing net.

Odin, of course, being the god of the universe, figured out where the trickster was hiding. He told the other gods, because Odin is a fucking snitch, and they all went out to find Loki.

When Loki saw them coming, he turned into a salmon and hid in the water again, waiting for them to pass.

But Odin and the other gods figured out what he was doing, and they cast a net into the water to catch him. Each time they cast the net, Loki managed to slip free.

But then Loki got a little cocky. He decided to leap out of the water and travel downstream towards the sea. For a few seconds, he was out of the water, soaring through the air. The god Thor saw this opportunity, and he grabbed the salmon by his tail.

The salmon struggled, but Thor held his grip.

They brought Loki to a cave. After him, they brought in two of his sons, turning one into a wolf.

Oh no, you’re probably thinking. They’re going to have the wolf attack Loki.

Well, I admire your innocence.

Instead, they had the wolf attack his brother, Loki’s other son. Of course, he killed him, scattering his guts across the cave floor. You can imagine how horrified Loki was.

Then, they used the intestines to tie Loki to a rock. Above the rock, they fastened a venomous snake to drip its venom onto Loki’s face

Forever.

Well, until Ragnarok. Close enough.

I know what you’re thinking: That’s even worse than what Zeus did to Prometheus!

Imagine lying on a rock, your back aching, being tied down with the intestines of your slaughtered son, all while venom drips into your eyes.

Well, Odin wasn’t fucking around, I guess.

Luckily for Loki, his faithful wife, Sigyn stayed by his side. She held a bowl up to the snake head to catch the venom. Every so often, though, the bowl would fill, and she would have to discard the venom.

To discard the venom, she had to pull the bowl away. In those few seconds, venom would fall onto Loki’s face, causing him to shake violently. It is said that this creates earthquakes on Midgard (That’s the realm of humans. Aka Earth)

So, was it all worth it, you ask? Killing Baldur caused Loki a great deal of suffering.

But he’s a stubborn bitch, so if you asked him personally, he’d probably say he had no regrets.