History and Myths for gays

Historical events and myths told by me, a gay. Everything is summarized in the most random but informational way I can manage. I do not accept criticism.

[gayinfodump]

I love those people that make you want to live forever.

Like, I want to die most of the time, and sometimes it seems like there’s nothing bright in the world. Sometimes the thought of getting older and living longer makes me feel sick.

But there’s this girl, right? And when she smiles at me, there's a moment when I don’t want to die. A moment when I want to live forever, just to keep seeing her smile. A moment when I’m able to be genuinely curious and hopeful for the future.

And it’s not like my life depends entirely on that, but if I could wake up to her smile every day, I think I would like to live forever.

[gayinfodump]

Was anyone going to tell me about this?!

[gayinfodump]

Baking Info dump

1. If you want a box cake mix to taste like it’s homemade, just use whole milk instead of water, butter instead of oil, and add an extra egg. If you’re feeling fancy and don’t have anyone with nut allergies in your house, add some almond extract to a vanilla cake to take it over the top. Not too much, though. That shit’s potent.

2. Oatmeal cookies are literally the best things ever and if you don’t like the raisins, you don’t have to add them!!! It’s a real game-changer when you find a really good recipe. Literally just make sure to add enough spices (cinnamon and nutmeg all the way) and a little bit of vanilla extract. You can add chocolate chips, nuts, or whatever the hell you want. Oatmeal doesn’t have to be “healthy”. Enjoy it.

3. If you want to learn one fancy baking skill to take your food to the next level, master browning butter. I’m hella serious. Browned butter makes almost all cookies 1000x better, and it’s a great way to impress your guests without doing anything too over-the-top. Trust me, once you get the hang of it, it’s really easy and really rewarding.

4. You don’t always have to make everything from scratch. It’s perfectly fine to use a box mix, or a premade pie crust, or a can of Pillsbury crescent rolls.

5. If you want edible cookie dough, pour the flour out on a baking sheet and bake it in a 350 degree oven for like 7 minutes. Make sure it’s dry before you put it in the oven, though. This will kill any chance of e-coli on the flour. Then, just omit the eggs (you can add a little splash of cream or milk if you want to keep it at the same moisture level) and make the dough as the recipe says. Make sure you plan to eat it raw, though, because the pre-baked flour won’t work the same way raw flour will.

6. Don’t have baking powder? You can substitute one part baking soda and two parts cream of tartar, if you have it.

7. If you’re adding mix-ins to your cake, like chocolate chips or blueberries, toss them with a little bit of flour or corn-starch before adding them to the batter. This will keep them from sinking to the bottom while baking.

8. Always grease your pan with butter and flour, if you can. It’s 100x more effective than just oil pan spray, especially if you’re making a Bundt cake or brownies. Oil and flour is also good, or you can buy the premade spray-can of baking spray, made with flour. That stuff is magic.

9. It’s nice to have powdered sugar on hand, even if it’s just to sprinkle on something to make it look more fancy.

10. Yes, vanilla beans are going to give your food a more prevalent vanilla taste, but since it already costs an arm and a leg for the extract, don’t feel bad for not using the most expensive ingredients.

11. A good-sized grater is a good investment, especially if you’re ever planning to make carrot cake or zucchini bread. Just make sure not to hurt your fingers.

12. Don’t ever pour a hot liquid into a cold baking dish or bowl, especially if the dish is made of glass. This also goes for pouring a cold liquid into a hot dish. The dish can and probably will explode if the temperature differences are significant enough.

13. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re melting chocolate, it should not bubble or boil. This can burn and ruin your chocolate.

14. When in doubt, buy the name-brand product if you can afford it. This especially goes for chocolate chips and vanilla extract.

15. Using roughly chopped chocolate in place of chocolate chips in a cookie will take it to the next level. Some chunks will be bigger than others, and there will be those heavenly little shavings of chocolate that spread throughout the cookie. Highly recommend.

Feel free to add on!

[gayinfodump]

Hamilton Things Part III

Yes, this is the last one. I swear.

1. Hamilton mocking/imitating other people is my favorite type of comedy. His over-exaggerated, “Smiiile More.” His terrible imitation of Jefferson’s prancing. Iconic.

2. John Laurens’s soft expression during “The Story of Tonight.”

3. You ever think about the fact that there’s a whole song called “Stay Alive” and then Hamilton just fucking..... doesn’t.

4. Eliza beatboxing while Phillip raps. My heart.

5. Hamilton slowly becomes less faithful as the play progresses. Not just when he cheats on Eliza, but also when he chooses not to help Lafayette in France. And when he votes for Thomas Jefferson, who owns slaves. He forgets what emancipation meant to John Laurens.

6. John singing, “Tomorrow there’ll be more of us!” after he dies.

7. When Aaron Burr says, “She’s married,” and Hamilton just goes, “Ah,” like Oh yeah, we all have affairs with married women sometimes, don’t we?

And then Burr’s like, “She’s married to a British officer.”

And Hamilton’s all, “Oh sHiT.”

[gayinfodump]

Hamilton Things Part II

1. Burr: “Fools who run their mouths off wind up... dead.”

*Cuts to John Laurens shouting*

Burr: “Like I said.”

Me, listening for the 10000th time, knowing full well what’s going to happen: What are you implying?

2. “First Burn” is like???? So good. Honestly wish it could have been in the musical because... damn.

3. Also “Congratulations” Iconic. We were robbed.

4. Take a moment to appreciate Daveed Diggs bouncing on the table:

5. The fact that “Non-stop” combines 1000 other songs together. True poetic cinema.

6. Hamilton: “You get love for it. You get hate for it. You get nothing if you wait for it, wait for it, wait for it.”

Burr: *Offended*

7. The absolute chaos of “The Reynold’s Pamphlet”

8. Hercules Mulligan rapping during “Yorktown”

9. Lafayette: I bring freedom to my people, if I am given the chance.”

Hamilton: “We’ll be with you when you do.”

*Later*

...So that was a fucking lie.

10. The passive-aggressiveness of “Your Obedient Servant”

11. Hamilton saying “I’ll do whatever it takes,” while Burr says, “I’ll make a million mistakes,” honestly helps to sum up their differences.

Hamilton is impulsive, always looking for a way to move further ahead. He never takes a break. He’s always working.

Burr is more patient. He’s playing the long game. He accepts his mistakes and uses them to learn and grow. He knows that he’s going to screw up, but he doesn’t let that discourage him.

12. The mixture of awe, confusion, and rage when Burr says, “Hamilton wrote... The only FIFTY-ONE!”

[gayinfodump]

Some Random Hamilton Things

(Yes I know it’s been a hot minute since I posted. I also know that this musical isn’t entirely historically accurate. But I’ve officially watched it 4 times on Disney+ and I need to talk about it.)

1. During “Wait for it”, Aaron Burr addresses the fact that Hamilton wastes no time, always acting like he has something to prove and nothing to lose.

This is shown throughout the musical, even when Hamilton does have something to lose (Eliza, his son, his friends, etc). His actions are always more like those of a man who is unattached.

When he publishes the Reynolds pamphlet, this is especially clear. He has a lot to lose: His reputation, his wife, etc. But he still does it.

2. During “Burn”, Eliza brings up their bed three times:

“You told the whole world how you brought this girl into our bed.”

“The world has no place in our bed. They don’t get to know what I said.”

“You forfeit your place in our bed. You’ll sleep in your office instead.”

This is significant because the bed becomes almost a symbol: It is a place where she and her husband rest at the end of the day. A place where they can be at ease with each other. Alexander never takes a break, but everyone has to sleep. He chooses to sleep with her.

Eliza doesn’t phrase it as Alexander bringing another girl into his life, or having an affair, or anything like that. She addresses it as someone else being brought into their bed. The place where they rest and lay at ease with each other. He betrayed her trust, and she is no longer comfortable with him.

3. Also during “Burn”, Eliza says the following line:

“Your sentences left me defenseless.”

What’s the first synonym listed for defenseless? Helpless.

While these words have similar definitions, the underlying meanings in the musical make them more like two sides of the same coin.

The word “Helpless” is used in a more positive light. She is helpless against her feelings for him.

The word “Defenseless”, however, is the darker side of that. She has no way of defending herself against what is happening. No way of changing what her husband has already done.

4. The “Rewind” moment in “Satisfied”

I just think it’s neat.

5. Also: A moment of appreciation for Daveed Diggs. The dancing. The rapping. The singing. The contrast between the French accent for Lafayette and the American one for Jefferson. Everything. A+

Feel free to add on. Let me know if you want a part 2. (I have many more thoughts).

[gayinfodump]

Book Recommendations

For fans of Percy Jackson, or just mythology in general.

1. Aru Shah.

If you haven’t read this book, go do it. Right now. There are three books in the series so far, and I believe the author is working on more.

Aru Shah is a whole mood, and the books bring Hindu mythology to life. The stories are fun to read and the characters are well-developed and awesome.

2. Tristan Strong

Written by phenomenal author Kwame Mbalia, this book is a must-read. The second one in the series comes out later this year, so make sure to read that one, too.

The book dives into West-African mythology and storytelling, and Tristan Strong is a character that you will love immediately.

3. Magnus Chase

Yes, this is also written by Rick Riordan, but it has come to my attention that a lot of you PJO fans haven’t read these books, so I had to put it on here.

Magnus Chase dives into Norse Mythology. The characters are amazing and easy to love, though many of the main ones are dead (don’t worry, they’re fine). Magnus lives at the Hotel Valhalla (yes, the afterlife) with many of his friends, going on adventures to the other nine worlds in an effort to delay Ragnarok.

4. Sal and Gabi (Break the Universe)

I recently started reading this book, and let me tell you: It is awesome.

The character Sal will quickly grow on you, and Gabi is impossible not to love. Even the character who starts out as a bully, Yasmany, has so many lovable qualities. Definitely give this one a try.

Of course, there are many other books on my to-read list that I can’t quite review yet. That being said, please add on if you know of any others.

[gayinfodump]

Thor Gets Married (Not really)

This is a short one, but a good one.

So, the giant Þrymr (and no, I don’t know how it’s pronounced. If you do, feel free to leave it in the notes) steals Thor’s hammer, Mjölnir.

The giant holds Mjölnir hostage, demanding the goddess Freyja in exchange for its return. He plans to make the goddess his wife.

This is a bad idea for many reasons:

1. You should never steal from a god, especially Thor.

2. Why would Freyja agree to marry some giant just to get someone else’s hammer back? Spoiler alert: She wouldn’t.

3. Thor was more than willing to dress in drag. Like, he probably jumped at the opportunity.

So, Thor dresses up in a wedding dress, pretending to be Freyja. Loki walks in on him wearing a dress, and he probably laughs at him.

You’ll never pull this off without a bridesmaid, Loki taunts.

Lucky for Thor, Loki makes an excellent bridesmaid.

So, they go to the wedding in Jötunheimr, which is the realm of the giants (or Jötnar). The giants believe that Thor is Freyja, but they grow more suspicious as the night goes on.

They become especially confused when Freyja (Thor) eats an entire ox by her(him)self. Loki shrugs it off with an excuse.

You see, Loki explains. Freyja is just so hungry. She hasn’t eaten for the past seven days, because she’s been so excited for her wedding.

The giants accept this excuse. They place the hammer in Freyja(Thor)’s hands as part of the ceremony. Once Mjölnir has been returned to him, Thor uses it to strike down the giants, and he returns (with Loki) to Asgard.

How’d it go? Freyja asks, not looking up from her newspaper (no, this is not factually correct. Let me live).

It was great! Thor says enthusiastically. I was a beautiful bride.

[gayinfodump]

Pandora’s box

This one is a classic

She is, apparently, the first woman in Greek mythology. This logic is kinda questionable, but let’s just go with it, okay?

So you remember what this guy did, right?

Prometheus. He stole fire and gave it to the humans. He’s the reason we have cooked meat, fireplaces, and s’mores.

Unfortunately, Zeus was pretty pissed that Prometheus had done this. So, to punish him, he nailed him to a mountain and sent an eagle to eat his liver every day (Message me if you want a more in-depth analysis of this story).

Anyway, before his punishment, Prometheus knew that he was in trouble. He also knew that Greek gods love to punish family members, too. So, he warned his brother, Epimetheus, to be on high-alert.

Epimetheus, however, wasn’t the brightest. He spent most of his time staring off into the distance and hanging out with his best friend: a squirrel (No, that is not factually correct information. Don’t @ me).

Prometheus: Brother, make sure to be cautious of the gods. They have it out for our family.

Epimetheus: Is it because you stole fire and gave it to mortals?

Prometheus: .....That’s not important right now. Just don’t accept any gifts from them, okay?

Epimetheus agreed, even though Prometheus was acting a bit suspicious.

Zeus knew there was nothing he could do about humans having fire, but he figured he could give them another gift -- Something really, really terrible to make up for it. Like when you eat three donuts in one sitting and then you have to eat spinach to balance your blood sugar.

So, he told Hephaestus to make the first woman. How had humans reproduced before this? I don’t know. Maybe they hadn’t. Is mythology supposed to be logical?

The woman’s name was Pandora, and she was given a box.

The older versions say it was actually a jar, but most of the paintings depict a box, so.....

Mistranslated? Probably. Inconsistent? You bet.

Some versions also say that she didn’t get the box (or jar) until later, when she and Epimetheus were married. Either way, you get the point. Pandora was the first woman. She was sent to marry Epimetheus, and since Epimetheus didn’t think she was suspicious, he happily made her his wife.

Pandora was told not to open the box (or jar). But you know what happens when someone tells you not to do something but provides no explanation: You want to do it more.

So, at some point, Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her, and she opened the box.

Of course, Zeus was a cruel trickster, and the box contained all the evils of the earth, unleashing them upon humanity.

So: Pandora, the first woman, was blamed for all of humanity’s troubles. Sound familiar?

*Side-eyes Christian mythology*

Anyway, there are other stories that take place shortly after, involving Hope, which was the only thing left in the box when Pandora shut it again.

But, as usual, you can blame this bitch:

[gayinfodump]

Some guy in ancient Greece, high off his ass, prancing through the woods naked: Might fuck around and invent the story of Dionysus.

Some woman in ancient Greece, channeling her inner Nicole Haught to explain why she’s gay: Aphrodite made me do it!

[gayinfodump]

What mythology category would you like to see more of?

1. Greek or Roman

2. Norse

3. Egyptian

4. Hindu

5. Christian

6. Other (Let me know)

[gayinfodump]

Mythology profile for: Noah (and his ark)

Mythology: Christian

Qualifications: This guy can build a boat real fast.

Found out that god was going to wipe out most of humanity and just said, “A’ight. Guess I’ll save the animals.”

Honestly a pretty chill dude. I would’ve done the same. Humanity can bite it.

He and his family were the only ones that god spared. Talk about playing favorites.

All of present-day humanity is supposedly descended from him. How? Incest, probably. Try not to think about it.

Bonus: God invented the rainbow in honor of this dude, so he was probably a little bit gay.

[gayinfodump]

Psychology info dump

Because I’m a depressed bitch.

1. You’ve probably heard that smiling can make you naturally feel better. The reasoning behind this is called the facial feedback hypothesis. It explains that your emotions can change your facial expression, but your facial expression can also change your emotions.

So don’t scowl or frown unless you really want to be upset.

2. Thunderstorms and rain are relaxing for a number of reasons.

-The movement of water can affect the brain in a way similar to antidepressants. This is also why it feels so nice to be in the shower (even if it’s hard to get in the shower in the first place).

-The sound of rain on your rooftop reminds you that you are sheltered, which makes you feel safe.

-This might just be me, but I love it when the rain starts pouring. It’s like the sky is crying. Like the earth is letting all the pressure out. It makes me feel relieved.

3. A hot drink or hot shower can mimic human warmth, so people that are lonely or touch-starved tend to turn the water temperature super high when taking a shower.

Yes, I’m calling you out.

4. It’s easier to be productive when you’re home alone. This is probably due to the fact that there isn’t nearly as much outside pressure to perform. You feel at ease with yourself, and you can take each task at your own pace.

5. If you usually watch Netflix before bed, try reading a book in the evening instead. You don’t have to do this every night, but the radiation and brightness from a phone or computer screen can keep you awake longer, while a book is more likely to make you feel relaxed.

Bonus: If you’re a writer, you have to find time to read. You’ll burn out if you don’t consume enough creative content. Books are an excellent way to recharge.

[gayinfodump]

Poseidon

This guy was a real dick.

You know me. I’ll never miss an opportunity to talk shit about Zeus, who was arguably one of the worst gods in Greek mythology. But this time, I figured I’d shine the spotlight on his brother. You know, the one with the trident.

Let’s talk about his influence. First and foremost, we have Medusa:

“Near them their sisters three, the Gorgons, winged With snakes for hair—hatred of mortal man— “

-Prometheus Bound

Gee, I wonder why she had so much hate for men. Oh, wait...

It was this jackass’s fault.

Okay, so technically, Poseidon wasn’t a mortal man. He was a god. But that certainly didn’t make him a good person.

In the story of Medusa, she is raped by Poseidon in Athena’s temple. This angers the goddess, who then curses Medusa to be an ugly Gorgon.

Why did she curse Medusa and not Poseidon? Well, there are a few reasons.

1. Poseidon was a lot more powerful than Medusa, being the god of the ocean and all that. Athena couldn’t very well punish him for his actions.

2. She was angry about the temple, and some people will argue that she had to punish someone.

But I think there’s more to the story than just that.

3. Medusa’s curse gave her a way to protect herself. Some will argue that it was cruel, and it ended up isolating her from the rest of the world. But honestly, in her gorgon form, she was the safest.

Whatever your take on this, it ends up making Poseidon look pretty bad.

Not to mention this:

Yes. A picture of horses. Guess who they are?

The one in the front? That’s Demeter, AKA Poseidon’s sister. Guess who she’s running away from?

Spoiler alert: It’s Poseidon.

See, Poseidon had been pursuing Demeter for quite some time, but she kept finding a way to elude him.

Of course, like most Greek gods, Poseidon wasn’t the type to accept rejection.

At one point, she turned into a horse to hide from him, but Poseidon could sense her godly energy. So, he also turned into a horse and raped her.

She was so angry that she isolated herself in a cave, causing a universal famine. Crops and plants died, resulting in people starving to death.

Poseidon had impregnated her, and she gave birth to a daughter named Despoina, and a horse named Arion.

Way to go, Poseidon.

Poseidon was also known for being bad-tempered and not very bright.

In one story, he and Athena fight over who gets to be the patron god/goddess of Athens. They decide that they will both present the city with a gift, and the people will choose which they like best.

Poseidon decides to make a salt-water fountain.

3/10. It was probably pretty, but they couldn’t drink the salt water. It served no practical purpose.

Athena, on the other hand, gave them the olive tree.

11/10. Olives are good for food and oil, and the wood was good for burning if the tree should ever die. Plus, it was also pretty.

So, Athena won. Poseidon was so pissed off that he decided to send a flood to the Attic plain, just to make the Athenians regret their decision.

I don’t think they did.

[gayinfodump]

Some Facts about the Witch Trials

1. The hunt for witches began in the late 15th century, when Heinrich Kramer published his book, Malleus Maleficarum or Hammer of Witches.

This book became popular throughout Europe, and many copies were made. This was largely due to the recent invention of printing.

2. Men and Women were both accused of using witchcraft, but women were accused a lot more frequently. This was due to the belief that women’s bodies were impure, and therefore more prone to evil.

3. It was believed that witches engaged in some gross behaviors, such as kissing the devil’s anus.

4. If a woman was accused of being a witch, she would be taken away for questioning and torture. Most of the time, they were tortured until they gave a false confession.

5. Most women who confessed to using witchcraft were executed, but some were able to avoid their fate by blaming another woman for corrupting them.

6. Witches were believed to have marks on their bodies that were proof of using witchcraft. These marks, or physical flaws, included moles, warts, stretch marks, saggy breasts, and hard nipples.

For this reason, many older women were accused of using witchcraft.

[gayinfodump]

As per request: Everything (or at least a bunch of stuff) wrong with Disney’s Hercules

1. Baby Hercules, aka this little bundle of joy

Was not the son of Zeus and Hera. The movie depicts the gods Zeus and Hera as happily married, Hera having just given birth to her son, Hercules.

This is very wrong. Of course, I’m sure Disney didn’t want to show Zeus cheating on Hera. It was a kid’s movie, after all. But still. Hercules was not the son of Hera.

2. This means that he was not born a full god. In the movie, it shows Hercules being born 100% celestial, all powerful, etc. Hades wants to eliminate the baby, so he sends his minions, Pain and Panic, to murder him.

He provides them with a bottle that can strip Hercules of his immortality, therefore making him vulnerable. Hercules only drinks part of it, however, which results in him becoming a demigod.

This is all very inaccurate, but again, I’m going to assume it was a result of Disney wanting to keep Zeus and Hera in a healthy marriage, or whatever.

3. This bitch

Hades, god of the underworld. Of course Disney would make him the villain. He lives in the underworld, has a three-headed dog, and is overall just an outcast.

But he’s not evil. In fact, if you want to debate which Greek god is the worst, Zeus has a pretty high score in the evil department. Poseidon, too. But Hades? He’s just chilling with his pomegranates.

Okay, yes. Some versions of a certain myth say that he kidnapped Persephone. But it is important to note that other versions show Persephone coming to the underworld of her own free will, so you could debate whether or not that makes Hades a bad person.

But regardless, it doesn’t make sense for him to be the main villain, especially with Zeus being depicted as a loving father.

4. Okay, back to Hercules as a baby. In the movie, his name is just.... Hercules. Like, he’s born, and that’s his name. Plain and simple.

Well, as I mentioned in my previous post, Hercules’s birth name is Alceides. He doesn’t change it until later in life.

5. More on his name: The movie is titled, “Hercules”. It’s about a hero named... Wait for it... Hercules.

But Hercules is the Roman version of Heracles. If Hercules gets to use his Roman name in the movie, then why do the other gods go by their Greek names? Zeus, Hera, Hades, etc. They’re all Greek.

Inconsistency. That’s what it is.

6. Megara

Poor, sweet Megara. If you read my previous post, you know that Hercules ends up murdering her, along with their three children.

Yes, that means they don’t live happily ever after. In fact, Hercules gets remarried after that, and when he gets bored of his new wife, she tries to use a love potion on him, killing him in the process.

How romantic.

7. Where are the twelve labors? Like, yeah, he does some of them, but not formally. He never gets assigned the labors. He just gets told to “be a hero”.

Of course, he also doesn’t murder his family and have to do the labors as a type of penance, so....

8. They just plain left out a lot, but I’m not going to list all of that here. It’s not like they could’ve fit everything into a movie, anyway. But here’s a quick summary:

Hercules killed a bunch more people. Like, a whole lot.

He learned music from Linus, but killed him when Linus corrected his mistakes.

Just like that time when he was a kid, and he killed his teacher by hitting him over the head with a lyre.

He challenged Dionysus to a drinking contest and (spoiler alert) lost.

Antaeus was a giant who was immortal so long as he touched the earth. Hercules held him in the air and strangled him, killing him.

Honestly, the dude just had anger issues.

Feel free to add on.

[gayinfodump]

Some things to remember about Hercules, in case you forgot:

1. His original name was not Hercules, Heracles, or Herakles. It was actually Alceides. He changed it to Heracles to please the goddess Hera, who hated his guts.

2. The Disney movie got just about everything wrong, but you already knew that.(Message me if you want me to make a full breakdown of everything the movie did wrong).

3. This bitch killed his wife (Megara), his own kids -- three of them -- Along with two of his nephews by burning them alive. Some say that he just went mad, others say that he was driven to do this by Hera.

4. He was originally given 10 labors, but he cheated, so he had to do two additional make-up labors.

5. One time he killed a lion that had been terrorizing the king’s cattle. The king (Thespios) was very grateful, and as a reward, he gave Hercules permission to sleep with one of his 50 daughters (the princesses) every night. Gross.

6. The guy had commitment issues and ended up falling out of love with his next wife, Deianira. She tried to use a love potion on him, but it was actually poison, and he ended up dying. It was okay, though, because he became a god shortly afterwards.