#for n

[sixplusfive]

Nのために For N (2014) | 1.02, 1.10 original network. TBS eng subs. subie06 @ d-addicts

[wordsthatkeepmyfeetdry]

Hope is the thing wirh feathers by Emily Dickinson

[thefallalbum]

i posted this to the wrong one at first^_^;;;;

[hazyaffection]

If it’s mine, it’ll come back. Sorry for not knowing how to say yes when you ask me out. Cause this heart still screams a loud no to every guy that taste like him; that I am still mending and tucking out all of the words that he ever said. That even when he didn’t, this heart keep acting like he is asking me to go back home. Even when our home was just a flat square that smells of burnt things. But it kept getting smaller, I swear. Can you wait till I forget it? Like I just misplaced it somewhere without any intention to find it? Can I even ask you to wait. I’m sorry I am not brave enough to love.

Found this old poetry somewhere written in the back of a receipt. Spoiler alert, he did not wait. Spoiler alert, he kept going and coming like I’m a food in the microwave that is not ready yet.

[fromfareastandsouth]

I want to make him happy. This is my love language, I just hope he understands it well.

[astitchoftea]

Unhealthy habit spread for N

I used @tarotprose‘s Unhealthy Habit Analysis Spread for my friend, N, on the issue of her interpersonal style. I added a shadow card at the end to add clarity to the root of the issue.

First thing I noticed is the number of pentacles, which makes me think that the overarching factors that maintain this habit has something to do with stability.

1) What caused me to develop this unhealthy habit?  10 of Pents. To me, 10P has always stood for a stable and well-off family life.  I think it is the lack of a stable and reliable family and the subsequent desire to look for stability and permanence in the people in her life that led to this.

2) What triggers my need and urge for this habit? 6 of Cups. It is the desire to connect in that innocent, child-like way that triggers the habit.  The lack of stability and possibly care from the 10P led to N feeling the need to protect others that may seem child-like to her.  At the same time, it may lead N to seek out that feeling of being taken care of for herself in individuals that may not be able to provide it. 

3) What purpose and impact does this impact have on my life? 13 Devil. This habit binds N to relationships and situations that are unhealthy.  It makes her feel stuck and helpless.  It may make her feel hopeless and allow herself to be controlled by others, whether those others do so intentionally or not. 

4) How does using this habit alleviate me? Ace of Swords. N’s habit makes her feel in control and alleviates some of the helplessness and also need for parental care.  In the short term, it can make her feel like she is doing the right thing and that she is solving a problem.  This is likely to be particularly true if she has taken to give/protect someone who she sees as child-like (6P). 

5) Why can I not be relieved through any other means but this habit?  4 of Pents. 4P is about being stubborn, holding on to the status quo, and wanting to be in control.  I think that N may have a need for control (again, seeking that stability and predictability that started all of this) that makes it difficult for her to let this go or to feel better in other ways.  Further, I think stubbornness in this decades-old habit may be preventing her from changing.  Again, back to the theme of stability, as awful and stuck as this habit makes her, it is predictable. 6) Why is this habit my go-to choice? 7 of Cups. I think, like the girl in the card, N can be distracted by the vision of how things can be better.  7C is about wishful thinking and being paralyzed by choices.  N may be optimistic of how things will turn out, regardless of how things have turned out in the past, thus may allow herself to stay in these unhealthy situations.  Further, she may be intimidated by the number of options outside of this habit, and the fear of letting go of what she knows (4P) coupled with no clear single answer may result in procrastination and using this habit. Shadow card, root of the problem: Knight of Pentacles. The fact that this is a court card makes me think that it is a personality trait at play.  This Knight further reinforces the themes of being stubborn, grinding through hard times, and not being adventurous.  Being cautious and hardworking are not necessarily bad personality traits, but combined with the other factors above, these traits can contribute to her own suffering.

[ofwomenandwords]

You are the treasure one finds at the end of a rainbow.

You are gold

F.F.T.