on tonight's agenda i'm thinking about how marlene was in way too deep by the time she got to salt lake. how, even if she really wanted to, she had no power there to stop what was supposed to happen to ellie because being queen of the fireflies in boston meant very little in the grand scheme of things. we know that they were asking for her go ahead but we also know that she had no fucking idea what finding the cure really meant either. "apparently, there's no way to extricate the parasite without eliminating the host. fancy way for saying we've gotta kill the fucking kid" SHE DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE SHE GOT THERE! she isn't a fool to the fact that they're asking her as nothing more than a formality. this is a woman who has spent years of her life dedicated to fighting fedra and finding a vaccine. she just fought tooth and nail to get across the country. imagine her surprise and dismay and fury and grief when she finds out what she believes is the potential cure rests within the one person she absolutely swore to protect. i don't believe for a second that marlene would have dragged ellie from boston to salt lake if she knew it would've ended with her death when they were back in the qz. she was exhausted. she was mortified at ellie being referred to as a host. but her own trauma response kicked in. marlene had to step outside of herself to make any kind of decision at all because she wasn't just telling joel "there is no other choice here" — she was telling herself.