❝ history repeats itself. ❞
02. RICHARD SILKEN [always accepting]
there’s a terrible misconception that to be a strong woman means you don’t feel. that you never express the emotions that run through your body. it’s a very proto-masculine approach, that the societal norms that tell them not to feel must be inflicted on everyone. padmé amidala is a strong woman, like the sun is hot and the ground is solid. she deals with the tempest too, the torrent in a different way than anakin ever had. where he was the nova, an explosion that engulfed all around him, and she’s the vacuum that comes after, a black hole that turns inwards until it collapses on so fine a space that it’s seen only by the pull it has on others.
her armour’s been stripped away. the person she is now is not a diplomat, has no great war, no burgeoning family. where had her purpose gone? the steel that had made her spine was malleable now, some days at least.
so she cries, her fists balled against her eyes and her shoulders shuddering as a silken voice, deeper than she’d have expected even without the voice modulator, offers her her worst fears. what is it? what is in her toxic blood, why does she blemish what she means to hold? how does she condemn what she means to save? there was no apology to be given for the love she’d had for anakin. nothing she’d could say that would save the galaxy that pain.
“no,” she still says, solid, firm, her brows pressing down as she opens blood shot eyes and forces her fists, balled, into her lap. “you don’t… it’s different —— there was no war until it was made,” padmé reminds him. there had been signs. signs she’d ignored and fought, pretended didn’t matter in the interim. she’d had dreams that danced in vivid technicolor across her mind. she should’ve died. should’ve seen her life end and her presence in the force scattered to the wind. if she had died, perhaps things would’ve gone better.
“darth vader was a HUSK of the man i loved. the man who thought he’d DIE for me. and this is never going to give you contentment. all the dark side does is TAKE.”
@forceofncture // soft angst(tm)