-about: like the title says.. lil headcanons about weird things the fire force men do in bed, super late add in this is inspired by a trend I've seen on here the first person I saw doing it was yeagerslut so creds to them although they BEEN deactivated
-with: multiple fire force men, gn!reader (Assault's reader has boobs but thas it!)
-wc: 1.4K
-warnings ⚠️: sexual content (minors dni go on somewhere), rough sex implied, smut, crack (pls don't take anything I say serious I am lich rally stoopid as hell), all underaged characters are aged up to 18+
Officers:
Captain Burns: He knows, as a priest, sex is supposed to wait til marriage so that's probably why he prays to sol for forgiveness after every single time and makes you do it with him. It's definitely a mood killer & he definitely wasn't worried about sol when he was manhandling you but uhh.. lâtom ig?
Lieutenant Karim: Karim is actually pretty damn good at dirty talk even degradation, if you're into it. He's got a certain way of being juuust mean enough and it hits just right. Well.. the first time. He does that repeat speech thing in bed too and tbh hearing the absolute filth that spills from his mouth is fun once. The second time it just feels like he's got somethin to say for real 🤨
Lieutenant Pan Ko Paat: I think we all know where this is goin... yea the whistle stays ON during sex. But the whistle isn't an issue when it's just on, it dangling in your face like a chain can be kinda seggsy but I digress. No, the issue comes when he's using it during sex like if you want them to go faster or slower or whatever you could use your words no one needs this elaborate code of whistles..🤦🏾♀️
Captain Shinmon: His aftercare.. uhh.. leaves something to be desired.. like he does do it (he better after what yall just did I'm not sure you'll be able to walk to get your own stuff but that's neither here nor there) but I feel like he could try a bit harder. Aftercare is a bit of an exaggeration for throwing a towel on your belly and setting water & some grapes on your side of the bed & just muttering "eat it".
Lieutenants Konro: Him?? Ruining sex?? What is it? He's too perfect? He fucks too well? Now you're like a crackhead for the dick showing up at the 7 scratching your neck and shit like "I-is Konro in? Is he? I-I-I just need a lil.. come on man, I'm good for it.. I know you got some please.. man I'm begging" Yea a lil typhrosis ash on you is totally worth it.
Captain Obi: When Tyrese said "you know we be tearin it up breakin stuff that ghetto love", Obi felt that. Yall are pretty much robbing furniture stores & home depot from all the warranties yall have cashed in on. Bed frames, lamps, spackle for walls he pushed through fuckin you against, you name it. This is why yall fuck at his place.
Lieutenant Hinawa: I mean he's got a lot going for him so should you really complain? I mean he's a good guy, nice job, respectable rep, fine as hell, good in the sack, should you really be complaining that he's completely silent and deadpan when he's not giving instructions? Does the silence past the squelching & skin slapping sounds sound a bit eerie? Yea. Does it kinda feel like you're fucking a serial killer? Absolutely. But he does do the tiniest lil grunt when he nuts and the amount of times you've nut already.. I'd say it's a fair trade with Bundy over here.
Cadets:
Takeru: Nothing. He's never done anything wrong in his life. You should be honored & here you are lookin for reasons to complain.. he shoulda stayed with Tamaki.. smh
Ogun: See Takeru. Nothing. He's never done anything wrong, he's perfect. Stop complaining before I slide over there. My car keys in my hand rn, don't play wimme.
Arthur: Role playing is fun when it's not every single time. Daddy, sir, Master are all cool but "Sir Knight King, your Excellency Grace Sire" is kinda a mouthful especially when your brain is umm.. otherwise occupied.. Also that's definitely not how you would actually address a king back in the days but we move ig. ALSO ask him why you always gotta play the concubine like you the only one there! Why can't you just be the queen?.. Idk man, I love himbos as much as the next but there's gotta be a limit here..
Shinra: This adorable lil mf is way too excitable. Like we get it he wanna be a hero that's all well and good but why you gotta be a part of his hero training? I'm sure everyone's very grateful to all that stamina for saving the world but we needa check on you! You ok? You need some electrolytes? Epsom salt? A wheelchair? Them 3 day sessions be beating yo ass huh? It's ok I'll talk to him for you.
The "we work with Company 8 a lot but this broad don't really know how to separate us that well so we going here" category:
Vulcan: He is just so sweet he cannot stand to leave a stray to fend for himself in the street & you love that about him, you do! It's always a surprise to see what cute lil kitten or puppy or whatever he's fostering when you go over but its way less cute when you look up from receiving some (bomb) backshots and into the eyes of the aforementioned strays. You talk to him about it but he can't lock the doors bc "this is their house too we can't just kick them out like their previous owners did". 🙄 Still, does Whiskers really need to see you getting your back blown out??
Viktor: You know what, the boy may not have the strongest constitution but one thing about ole Vik here, he got some rounds in him & it's a good thing because when yall first started sleeping together Viktor'll be the first to tell ya,a practiced man, he was not. That's probably why he used to nut so quick. Like really quick like "the first time yall had sex he got a pump in and on the out he was spilling all over your belly"quick.. yea it was a problem but that's where the stamina (and that insane head game like seriously he picked that up disturbingly fast & well) does him some good. So yea he was a 3 pump Peter the first 3 or 9 times yall had sex but he always gets you off & he looks so damn cute apologizing who could complain?
Joker: Oh Joker Joker.. it's an experience fuckin with Joker. On one hand, he'll definitely dick you down the way you like but he's also an.. eccentric character. Whether it's him smoking like a chimney in the middle of sex, being a lil too truthful in his degradation (yea yea we can talk about my daddy issues when you're not rearranging my guts) or him humming a whole chorus when he cums; its always a story when you rendezvous with this man. And yes, your therapist knows all of them.
Kurono: Chile now you know… look I get it he's kinda hot in a very creepy way but I don't even know where to start on the toxicity.. I know therapy isn't cheap but this is costing yo sanity. Plus we all know his eyes do that thing when he gets excited, it gets worse when he nuts but you know that already.. Stand up!
White Clad:
Assault: You'd think being a part of a murderous, hell cult would be the weirdest thing about your boyfriend till the first time yall tried to sleep together; this man unclamped your bra and froze up. He literally just sat there lookin between you and your tiddies for a smooth 2 minutes then touched your boob and made an excuse to go to bed. He got a lil further each time, till he finally was able to have sex with you (in the complete dark yea but still I'll count it) baby steps I guess..
Charon: For a guy who knows his own strength and can even cross over to cocky about it, my mans does not know his own length if you know what I mean? My guy is BIG.. all over.. and everyone seems to get it but him. He's always in such a rush to fuck you, you gotta remind him pretty much everytime "Charon, baby, I wanna do it too but Imma need some prep before you go tryna fit that febreeze can in me please n thanks!" He rolls his eyes but he really doesn't wanna hurt you so he obliges. Somebody hammer it into this man's head he got a whole 3rd leg & that patience is a virtue.
