I am a bad writer. I can put together correctly spelled words to form complete sentences. I follow the majority of grammatical rules, and apply punctuation properly most of the time. But, I am still a terrible writer.
There is a clear demarcation between the words I use when composing a written piece and the words I use when actually speaking. Part of the reason my voices are so disparate is the ability to revise these phrases before submitting them for anyone else to experience.
My work always appears to have an edge of pretentiousness, an over the top application of the English language that would actually sound foreign if used in real life. This is the impression I get when I go back to review my posts. It's entirely bothersome and frustrating to realize I am incapable of carrying on a normal conversation in written form.
Every word, phrase, sentence, and paragraph is meticulously edited during the creative process to ensure I am conveying the appropriate content for that which I am attempting to achieve. Yet, in doing so, I somehow always forget the lesson I repeatedly berate myself for: real people do not talk this way.
There is no solution to this irksome habit. Even if there were an answer to this vexing dilemma, it is highly unlikely I'd take the necessary steps to rehabilitate myself. There are so many words, so many synonyms, that communicate so many meanings. I find I am dissatisfied with using lesser, more "normal" terms when the perfect expression for my message turns out to be a five syllable word that only PhDs use in their dissertations.
Because I refuse to alter my methods, I am forever cursed to walk in the footsteps of ostentatious teenagers trying to differentiate themselves by abusing their dog-eared thesauruses in order to appear smarter amongst their peers. This is my affliction, my tribulation, but I own it.
I am a bad writer. You have been warned.