Dec 17, 2024
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My mom is calling me for dinner and I ask if I can play for five more minutes, but I can't because the food will get cold, I can do it later anyways, I sigh and get up. The problem is I never get to play again, my toys grow dusty and later never comes.
Life is knocking urgently on my door, the train is always leaving and I never catch it , I run and the finish line moves further and further away.
I'm tired, can I sleep for five more minutes? Can I miss school and stay in bed all day? I'm really tired mom,please.
I hiss and growl, I bare my teeth, I show my claws, like a wounded animal who has known hurt intimately, I am always ready for an attack even when it never comes, the edge of my seat is where I always lie, I jump the gun that's been aimed at me and then I have to say sorry.
You know I'm not a believer,but I think I have been punished to adore you for eternity, I don't know if by heaven or hell, does it really matter? I will worship you under the chapel I built with my bare hands, I will pray loudly and devoutly until my mouth dries and I forget the meaning of words, I will drink your blood with fervor and want, taste your flesh like a starved animal. I'm on my scarred knees begging for a miracle, begging for you to love me, my pretty boy, ask me to be yours, please.
¿Como no voy a odiar al mundo? Si me mastico y me escupió cuantas veces pudo
When you held me for the first time, small and wrinkly, did you thought it would end up this way? Every time your name is mentioned I taste poison. Every time I see you my throat hurts for all the words left unsaid. And every time you hug me, my heart aches because I know your love isn't real, or at least it doesn't feel like it.
I know it's not my fault,but why does it feel like it is?
I haven't spoken in so long I fear I have somehow lost the ability to. Panic rises in me every time I realize the world moved on without me, I wonder if the day I get out of my self made prison the universe would still exist. I would do anything to go back, to pick up where I left everything, to when I used to feel alive.
Infinity Train.