Destroy IKEA & Become Almost Famous || Gongchan & Baekhyun
He would begin the scene with a formulated monologue describing the horrors of Swedish furnishings with superfluous hand gestures to emphasize the barbarities of Scandinavian Vikings, not to mention their ludicrous prices for the precious science ovens known as microwaves. Standing underneath a sky dressed in a mid-afternoon haze, the smog of factories mingling among winter stratocumulus clouds, the young man turned on his heel to face a companion he could only describe as foolish – ignorant even, to the point where Gongchan would not even entertain the notion of putting forth the effort to read his mind. “Baekhyun,” He began the speech, his arms outspread, reaching for the horizons to present the modern castle of Ingvar the Far-Travelled.
“The list of facts missing from human knowledge extends to a shameful length of infinity; the ocean of our planet remains an enigma and accomplished geniuses cannot answer the question of ‘why do we sleep when the very function is contradictory’!” Vexation, naturally, waltzed into the introductory of human infamy, leaving the muscles around his maxilla taut. Jaw ridged, Gongchan lowered his arms, just recognizing the ridiculous appearance of such a pose; he’d have to remember not to do that again. “Why do we not act as lemmings and sacrifice ourselves to the will of the universe? More importantly,” The pause must be dramatic, his index finger and thumb pinching the air, and his pupils oscillated, suspicious of the wandering consumers singing of their woes and triumphs, mentally of course.
『どけ、このやろう！』
“What…” The rhythm was lost, burnt at the stake and left for dead. His brow furrowed, a mountain of wrinkles springing in the valley between right eye and left eye, all become of a woman’s voice invading his cerebral personal-space. Japan, it’s a world of endless opportunity for marvel and hijinks, and unfortunately, his language skills were elementary. “Goddammit, it’s all ruined.” Groaning in half-hearted misery he hid his face within his palms, muttering English curses underneath his breath. “I should have spent freshmen year becoming proficient in katakana rather than downloading Coptic Egyptian into my brain…” As it turns out, dead languages weren’t so viable when applied to telepathy, and he concluded the minor grieving for his discourse with a sigh, the deed has been done.
At least with this fate they could continue on with the plan post haste, and spawn chaos to make Eris lament for his ineptitude. “Mister Bacon,” Regaining confidence, Gongchan cleared his throat and began walking towards the building, his hands disappearing into his coat pockets, numb from the cold. How long have they been standing in the parking lot again? “Life is too short to waste it kicking it with those nerds at back the circus, so let’s go play extreme hide and seek.” Resolving the massacred oration, the grin of mischief found a home on his face. IKEA would never be the same, and he would make sure of it.
