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Free My Soul Design 🎸. Shop Link In Comments. #song #songs #freemysoul #soul #guitar #lyrics #sing #teeshirtlovers #teeshirt #freefire #music #design #designinspiration #giftideas #gift #giftsforher https://www.instagram.com/p/CTCrmhdCVUB/?utm_medium=tumblr
In the daylight, we point out the darkness but at night all we see is light.
The Beginning
(EDITED & UPDATED: 11-May-2021 at 4:17am Est)
Well, what can I say? (A lot actually). The first thing to know about me is that I am an overthinker so maybe in time, here will get weird and contradictory. I also tend to go back on what I write and edit after I posted something, so what I originally posted might be modified in time, usually just to add more to the details as I am now (yeah, I am doing this exactly "as we speak").
I chose to post on Tumblr.... morbidly enough inspired by Elisa Lam. I know this is a blog type of platform but it never crossed my mind to use it as a journaling tool until I was learning about Elisa Lam's case and I connected deeply with her because of it. I know how she felt in a couple of her posts (not all of them tho, we are quite different and our struggles are different), that constant feeling of isolation we share, and I got so happy to know she had this platform to express herself and I was also inspired by her courage to do so openly. Doing it on Tumblr kept her alive as much as possible.
And just like her, here I am now, took me a while to do this step because I would have never dared, I was too afraid of it, but finally, I am here, trying to keep myself alive, to stop drowning in the pool of suffocation that I am in presently. I am sincerely so scared I may die at any moment and not have what I have to say expressed nor known... I need it out there, or well, at least here... otherwise it feels all this is for nothing and what pains me the most in life may remain in death with me. I don't want that at all. I rather leave a legacy of sorts. This may bring light to new perspectives and unique ways of viewing things, life, and more, or who knows, this could even help others. But I CAN'T do this for others here, this is for me alone, I need this... if it reaches someone else good, however... I need to be selfish in here to save myself... I need to free myself from my own self.
About what I'll write here: Is simply what's on my mind, things I am so eager to scream out loud but can't, things that are suffocating me... It will be a vomit of ideas, some days better than others I hope, and IT MAY OFFEND people, especially people I know because we all have our own version of things.
But this is MEGA IMPORTANT to note: I am polite and I am kind. Naive as well. My heart sees good everywhere and in everything, even in darkness and with the worst of people, but when I've been hurt in the process, all that pain remains inside, I never say the dark parts, the judgments, the negative feelings, I always ignore them and move on, and this is exactly what has become my poison internally... until now. I am ready to be unapologetically open here.
Is important to remember: I don't take what I say as a universal truth. I also know at times I may be too deep in my emotions and because of it, my statements can be harsh, cruel, and unfair. I have a good heart but with time I have grown tired, very sour, and judgemental.
Here in this blog, is my place to purge that and hopefully change my mindset from the cold queen I've become to the loving sparkle and bubbly self I lost on the way.
But I am not here to make friends or mold myself to please others. I am not in this space to try to be liked and accepted, I am not here to influence nor try to convince anyone and this is not a space to debate my point of view nor argue about who or what is wrong nor right ...
Simply put, in here, all I want to do is to say my truth and how I have lived, felt, and perceived many topics.
I suffer deeply (among other things) from social anxiety, and recently discovered I may have avPD (we'll get to the labyrinth of my mental illnesses in time). But this illness of mine is killing me. Every year it worsens and I am so afraid to disappear in the process... to no longer be me and not recognize myself anymore.... my spark is dying and with it so am I.
I used to journal on paper and be EXTREMELY open on my social media. But I hated it and brought me a lot of drama, shame and pity that I don't want. Now.... I am in one of my most deeply isolated times because of my Social Anxiety. I'll get to the details in the near future (I don't want to overextend here more than I already am). I also tried Blogger but I am not feeling it. My isolation is unbearable at times and I need an escape... this may be it.
Tumblr is the closest thing to journaling, and still feeling as if it's on social media like I used to on other platforms. Strangely enough, even if I know that is unlikely anyone may read this with all the content out there, doing it through here makes me feel less isolated, not caged... I am metaphorically taking that invisible duck tape from my mouth and allowing myself to breathe a little bit.
I haven't told any of the people I know about this as I am not keen to start a conversation about it yet. I am too embarrassed and afraid.
If someone I know is to discover this blog, I have no problem with it. Also whichever few readers I may encounter are welcome to snoop. I am doing for myself tho. I always think of others and trying to please or make purpose towards others on everything I post. But this time... this space is mine to explore. I am fed up with being silenced by my own illness and demons... I may not be able to talk to people right now but at least this allows me to be in the open even tho I am in a little corner of the shadows online. Just writing. Hoping I can free myself and can be able to express myself without issue.
This is my first step. Here I go
Beer is best!
Happy weekend
Artist: Detune⠀ Title: Free my soul⠀ Label: Full-E records⠀ Style: Trance⠀ Released: 1998⠀ Country: Germany 🇩🇪 ⠀ Enjoy it, follow @zabrod.dj, leave your comments and tag your friends.⠀ ⠀ #detune #freemysoul #tranceclassics #trance #tranceanthems #tranceaddict #techno #djing #psytrance #hardtrance #goatrance #electronicmusic #zabrodhistory #instamusic #ravenation #oldschool #remembermusic #rave (en Igualada) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBwA1PGAVaT/?igshid=1w38wacxpcxss
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🎶 Held back for way to long Time for me to go out on my own Ready to let go of it all Leave this world behind Set ℱℛℰℰ ℳᎽ ЅᎾUℒ ♩ ♩ ♩ #freemysoul #singer #songwriter #artist #guitarist #itunes #mysingle #musicvideo #musiclover #liveformusic #musicislife #creative #doyou #cantstopus #breakfree #breakthechains #breannmcgregor (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByVovenFsVD/?igshid=9noiis3ufqc0
