#fret pitchells

[hula-zombie]

Fret: And hey! Would you look at that? Some late night programming. What is this? An intro to my show Til Death Do Us Part- starring me and Hot Tamales, but you can call her Hot T.... I mean, she is a hottttttty- okay, yeah. You feel me.

Anyway, my show! See, my girl won my go at Berry of Love, and we got a spin-off. Who’d think just watchin’ someone live their day to day was exciting? Yah, not me, but here we are.

Don’t worry, no one is gonna die. We’re in this forever, aren’t we Hot T? 

Fret, it’s just you in the sound booth... doing the voice over...

Fret: Right... where was I?

[hula-zombie]

San  Mulberry 

Fret: You may be asking yourself- why the city, Fret? What about  Dulce de Leche? And your band? Aren’t you in a band... 

Well.. band is on a break. I mean, the Poisoned Apples are still there, kinda. I’m just livin’ here in the city with my gal. She’s a model, you know? Well.. she used to dance but not really PG13 now is it, kids?

But this is my life now, this is my love- and we’re getting married, so...Til Death Do Us Part. 

[hula-zombie]

Granite: I know you didn’t see the other backdrop, but trust me- you’re getting the best one.

Rosewood: And why would that be, Granite?

Granite: Uhh, let’s just say- I’ve seen more of Fret in the last two days than I care to remember.

Rosewood: Ah yes, images the eye cannot unsee, I dare not to imagine. 

Fret: Is it just me, or are these two almost too gross for TV?

*producers mumbling*

Fret: What do you mean I can't say that? You mean, this is the type of thing people actually WANT to see? Well, count me out. 

[hula-zombie]

Granite: Wow, Rosewood- that’s truly beautiful. 

Rosewood: Thank you, Granite. A lady always appreciates a compliment from a handsome beau such as yourself.

Granite: You’ll make me blush.

Rosewood: In this lighting? You’d never tell. 

Fret: Okay, okay. Yes, I’m back. BUT, would you look at Rosewood? I’m pretty sure she’s flirting back with him- I mean, I’d be blushing. 

[hula-zombie]

Fret: You got pretty good technique there, Eirlys. Gotta say, I’m impressed.

Eirlys: I mean, I would be impressed too. I’m awesome.

Taluna: I’m honestly trying to not look super close-

Granite: You can say that again. I think I’ve seen more of Fret today than anyone should.

Fret: Ya’ll just jelly. 

[hula-zombie]

Granite: May I hold your hands?

Rosewood: You may-

Granite: Rosewood, I’ve... never met anyone like you before, and I think I could be-

Rosewood: Wait, are those- are those cameras rolling?

*production crew nodding*

Rosewood: I... I can’t do this right now, Granite. I’m not feeling well, I-I-I have to leave. 

Granite: Rosewood-

Fret: And that’s strike three. Good job, Granite. BOY, PUMP THE BREAKS. I’m Fret Pitchells, and even I KNOW that. 

[hula-zombie]

Granite: Maybe there are something that I could.. I could teach you?

Eirlys: Like what?

Granite: You know... things. 

Eirlys: Uhm, no- you have to do better than that if you wanna flirt with me, Granite. 

Fret: OUCH, hope that doesn’t land Eirlys in the bottom! Somethin’ to be said about a girl who knows what she wants though. More power to her! 

[hula-zombie]

Granite: Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re one of the most proper berries I’ve ever met.

Rosewood: I take that as a compliment. My parents were from a different time. Perhaps I could modernize my beliefs- 

Granite: But then you wouldn’t be you.

Rosewood: That is true, Granite. However, I’m not stiff as a board. I know how to... let my hair down, have fun as they say.

Fret: Like we believe that, but you can’t lie... these two click. Let’s hope he can speed things along. Their date ain’t gonna last forever.