#friday55

[friday55textiles]

Custom hand embroidery on Morgan's denim jacket (+ Ike the dog for cuteness factor)!!

[figdays]

“Rainy Day Daisies” Embroidered Hoop // friday55

[craftingcomposure-blog]

11.31 am

I have been feeling very “normal” lately. I use the word normal very pointedly, to describe a state of mind that is not overanalyzing, not self-destructing. A state of mind that is accepting. Embroidery is a huge part of that. I keep coming back to that concept, and repeating it, because I cannot believe what a help it has been for me.

I have begun that series set that I planned for the second instalment of this project (Crafting Composure). Whenever I am feeling anxious, especially when I am alone, I have a horrible sinking feeling in my chest and stomach. I feel physically nauseated and my chest feels constricted and painful. I get waves of temperature, usually accompanied by hands and feet becoming clammy. What makes me feel calm is to picture my heart as a stand alone entity. It is scared and vulnerable how it is. I visualize it being encased in a flamboyantly sparkly pink case, encrusted with gemstones. That heart case gets enclosed in a spherical case, decked out with spikes and studs. Then, that protected heart is placed in a final spherical case that splits in half and opens. It has a convoluted and untraditional lock where the two halves meet. Finally, ostentatious chains and a padlock are affixed to the final case. Throughout this visualization process I say “you’re okay you’re okay you’re okay you’re okay” over and over and over again until I begin to believe it. Sometimes other layers make appearances if I am feeling especially vulnerable. Sometimes a small wooden box encloses my heart before the jewelled heart case. Sometimes a layer of bubblegum with broken glass or razorblades is included (imagine... trying to scrape away bubblegum with broken glass away with your fingers - they’d be cut raw). All of this is an effort to protect myself, to create a defence.

Sometimes I am torn between whether I should be doing this or not. Is this creating more distance between my already socially alienated self and the rest of society or my partner, Sean? Or should I continue with this visualization process because it makes me feel calm and gives me relief. I am currently in the camp of the latter option. I think anything that can be helpful to a person with mental instability should be an option they can feel free to exercise. 

Anyway, all of that is to say that I have begun embroidering. I started a piece yesterday afternoon and I was so caught up with it that I stayed up far too late and nearly finished it. I am at my mum’s for the week, taking care of her dog (which is also an AWESOME source of anxiety-reduction :D) so I plan to do more work while I am here. The sun is not shining because of last night’s storm but the snow is reflective and beautiful and bright and I am grateful for the opportunity to look out this big picture window and stitch my anxieties away. 

[friday55textiles]

transparencies while working

[friday55textiles]

when my mother was in her 20s she took a quilting class with her mother, my grandmother. she made a quilt and used it for many years. when i moved out of the house, i took the quilt with me. at this point it was and is ragged, obviously well-used and well-loved. a large piece of it ripped recently and i was able to salvage enough to embroider on. i was only able to make 2 because the fabric was so fragile and worn but i thought the delicacy of the rose was a good fit for the physicality and history of the fabric.