In 1970 Nora Ephron wrote a book entitled ‘Wallflower at the Orgy’. The book was a collection of humour-filled essays detailing the general angst and identity of the ‘modern woman’. The broader message was that of the isolation and detached nature of being a journalist. The way of observing and blending while documenting and never fully participating, but rather going about ones business with one goal of focus. The story.
My personal dress style mirrors the sentiments of ‘Wallflower at the Orgy’. While I am by no means a journalist, and have as yet not been awarded the privilege of attending any orgy’s, I do rather prefer to draw little attention to myself rather than stand out. I prefer to blend with neutral colours and simple fashion. I prefer to avoid instances that may possibly invoke attention focused towards myself and therefore provide room for social judgement. But why ? I am armed with the right quotes and personal mantras; “Be yourself” and “What other people think of you is none of your business”.
But we all still possess that tiny part of ourselves that cares about the manner in which others perceive us.I have come to learn that even avoidance of platforms for social judgement does not inhibit social judgement but rather leads people to have even greater misconceptions about oneself due to the fact the so little evidence is on offer. It is easy for me to think that my time here on earth is limited, I will undoubtedly, at some point in the future come to a sticky end, and what difference does it truly make if some guy once thought I made a stupid joke or whether the other girls at the brunch thought my nails looked gnawed and unkempt. The truth is that it doesn’t. I just have to somehow convince myself of this fact.
My approach to this online diary and journey through body uncomfortable with be this : I will discard my usual approach to fashion and blending with the crowd. Although there are many ways to draw attention to ones self I decided on a strategy based on the premise of portraying the quintessential woman. I will abandon my usual dress sense of practicality and comfort, neutrals and simplicity for the decoration and more fundamental aspects of depicting femininity - dresses, high heels, the notorious red lip and a good amount of general adornment with regards to make-up and jewellery. I will fall within the confines of heteronormativity and the expected roles of a woman.
I am self-deprecating rather than sexy, sarcastic rather than sultry and I plan to document this journey with the same amount of candour and levity that I usually possess. I am more Liz Lemon than Lauren Bacall, more Lena Dunham than Lindsay Lohan. And I generally feel more comfortable and in control in a good pair of skinny jeans than in a brightly printed dress. Something to do with vulnerability, I think.
This weekend I was prompted to add another element to the social experiment that is ‘body uncomfortable’. I attended a birthday celebration for one of my friends at a patisserie. The spread was amazing. Macaroons, cupcakes and pastries as far as the eye can see. All the guests however, were girls. For the most part the pastries remained untouched, except for the one compulsory pastry that each girl obligingly choked down, tiny bite by bite. I watched their internal calorie calculators working overtime. At the end of the afternoon all the uneaten pastries were packed into boxes in all their sugar-dusted glory. Untouched and unappreciated.I think this says something pretty worrying about us as women. Are we really that worried about our appearances that we can’t enjoy a couple of pastries to celebrate someones birthday? Maybe I can’t empathise. I have never had the experience of being obese or struggling with my weight. I am lucky in that respect. I would happily have shovelled in a good couple of cupcakes. But I didn’t. (Please refer back to social judgement dilemma). I think this situation also echoes the sentiments of ‘Wallflower at the Orgy’. How much do we really participate in our own lives. Really participate. Drink the wine, eat the pastry, enjoy the movie without comparing our bodies to that of the actress on screen.
So as an added extra to my body uncomfortable experiment I will live the life of the archetypal female. I will count my calories and keep a food diary, maintain my nails, artfully sculpt my eyebrows and document all of it daily through images and musings within this blog.
