Patton calling his younger self "just a little dadpole" as in tadpole, has now absolutely sealed the deal on the frog association. I mean, it was already really strong, but like, that is just the final nail
The angle on this is so wonky- I might actually try redrawing this sometime, but honestly I still love this one. I have no idea what possessed me to be able to draw that train lol.
Also- I apparently spelt it “chose” and not “choose” originally, so uh, fixed that up haha
Froggy Patton but he’s different frogs for different feelings.... also i just needed an excuse to do A) do expression practice and B) draw my second favorite character a bunch.
Frustration/confusion: American Bullfrog (aka what he was in canon, i think?)
Warnings: Frog!Patton, Spider! Virgil, Food, Bugs, eating bugs, Sex mention
Patton is just too nice sometimes, and he agreed to have dinner with Remus! At least Virgil was going to be there too, but maybe it won't be so bad, maybe it will all work out. And maybe the duke has a few good surprises!
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Virgil always seemed to wake up after everyone else. He was a nocturnal creature and he didn't mind missing breakfast, he needed some time for himself, and he didn't really eat much before noon. He still wanted to get a yogurt cup usually, and this morning was no different.
He rose up in the kitchen, expecting everyone to be gone and working. But he was surprised to see the table was set with a small bowl of fruit and a cup of vanilla yogurt. He was just as surprised to see Patton next to the fridge, preparing a fresh pot of coffee.
"Heya kiddo!" Patton greeted him with a bright grin that didn't reach his eyes. Virgil eyed him cautiously and took a seat.
"Sup Pops?" he asked, unintentionally staring through the puffball. Patton wilted and rubbed his neck.
"Are you busy tonight?"
"Maybe. Why?" Virgil questioned and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Well, you see, Remus kinda crashed breakfast and invited all of us to come over for dinner."
"And you said you would?" Virgil scoffed incredulously. He knew Remus scared Patton and grossed him out, everyone knew.
"I couldn't say no! He was so heartbroken when Roman and Logan said no! And he told us that Janus wasn't going to be there and I caved!"
"Pat," Virgil sighed and shook his head. He was too empathetic for his own good, and knowing Remus, Patton would have nightmares for weeks!
"Would you be able to come with me? He said I could bring you if you were interested. Please, Virgil?" Patton babbled and hugged himself, afraid of what would happen if he had to face the duke alone.
"Sure, and if you need to go I'm faking a panic attack," he agreed, making Patton physically relax. This wouldn't be the first time he had to sample Remus' cooking, and he actually enjoyed it when it didn't try to kill him first.
"You're the absolute best Virge!" Patton cheered and bounced on the balls of his feet. He sank out with a wave before he could gush over his dark knight.
Virgil appreciated that and went for the fruit. Even if things were tense between him and Patton, he knew Patton was trying to do better—he agreed to dine with Remus! And Virgil was looking forward to spending time with the duke without having to hide it, especially since he had an excuse.
Janus was kind enough to offer Patton some edible food after his rendezvous with Remus. Patton accepted the offer, but asked him to wait just in case a miracle happened.
He rose up just outside Remus' door and knocked, wondering if Virgil overslept. He didn't think Virgil abandoned him or forgot, that would be really mean, even for him. Then again he was pretty annoyed with Patton, so that wasn't off the table.
Patton got pulled out of his thoughts as the door creaked open slowly. Remus was on the other side, smiling just a bit too wide and staring at him with wide eyes.
"Poptart!" he cheered, "You made it!"
"Of course he did," Virgil scoffed loudly from inside, "Patton keeps his word." Patton was relieved he could say the same thing about him.
"Come on in! Raggedy Anx and I just set the table! I haven't had so many guests in ages!" Remus said, letting his face relax into a much less uncanny expression. He ushered Patton inside and shut the door.
Patton was amazed at how clean the whole place was. Yeah the coffin china cabinet was a little off putting, as were the assorted abstract paintings on the green pinstripe walls. The black dining table had chunky legs and tall-backed chairs and was all set up with stemmed glasses, purple napkins, and intricately carved silverware. Across the way, Virgil was lounging on one of two couches and he was relaxed.
"Heya kiddo, you beat me here!" Patton giggled awkwardly. Virgil tilted his head back to glance at him and shrugged.
"Scare Bear stopped in earlier to get me naked!" Remus chuckled. Virgil rolled his eyes and sighed almost fondly.
"I made him shower. He was covered in mud."
"At least he didn't give me that fancy modern soap when he shoved me in there! I have to use rendered animal fat and lye!" Remus shrugged and appeared sitting on Virgil's legs.
"You have ten seconds before I snap your spine in half," Virgil growled. Remus stuck his tongue out and wiggled his butt to get more comfortable.
"You wouldn't do that in front of Pat! And you're as spineless as me!" Remus jeered. Virgil opened his mouth with a retort and immediately snapped it shut, glaring at the duke. Remus giggled and blew him a kiss.
"So now I'm clean and ready to be a good host! Just don't expect me to sing any Disney songs!"
"Oh I didn't expect you would!" Patton responded shyly, "I mean, I didn't expect you to sing—I don't doubt you'll be a good host—maybe more for one of those murder mystery dinners than something like this—not that I doubt you—"
"Pat, you're gonna bite your tongue," Virgil cut him off. Nervous rambling was his thing, not Patton's, and despite his overall demeanor, Patton did not make it cute.
"Anywhore!" Remus half-sang, "Dinner is ready! So plant your bubble butts!" He disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Virgil coughing.
"Are you okay?" Patton asked hesitantly. Virgil got up and cleared his throat.
"Yeah," he said and cleared his throat again, "Let's sit before he gets back." He led Patton to the table and sat on the left of the head seat. Patton sat down across from him and idly picked up a fork, playing with the tines.
"So you know Remus pretty well, huh?"
"You could say that. Why?" Virgil winced.
"Well I don't want to offend him and I kinda assumed I would when I got here—and I think I did—I didn't think he would keep his room so tidy."
"He saves the chaos for the Imagination, he doesn't spend time here except for his bedroom, and trust me you do not want to see that."
"You've seen it?" Patton gasped and covered his mouth. He didn't want to imply anything unsavory!
"Yeah," Virgil said and leaned away from him, "That's kinda—"
"Dinner is served!" Remus shouted when he appeared next to Patton, startling him to the point of screaming. Remus paid him no mind and set a plate with a cover in front of him, using a slimy green tentacle. He skipped over to an unimpressed Virgil and set a covered plate for him, before retracting his tentacles and sitting down with his own plate.
"Sorry for screaming, Remus, you startled me! What did you make?" Patton asked when he calmed down. Virgil was staring at the covered dishes suspiciously—two of them were twitching.
"Well, I was thinking about making sushi for everyone, but when only you two agreed, I figured it would be nice to have something simple and down to earth! And I know you're both gonna love it! Happy taco night!" Remus giggled and pulled the cover from his plate.
The soft shell tacos smelled good, and they were presented beautifully with a tiny cup of hot sauce and a dollop of guacamole. The only thing that stood out was the meat inside the shell. Crickets and worms with onion and cilantro.
"What kind of tacos are these?" Patton winced, afraid of revealing his meal.
"Remus!" Virgil growled darkly, "why is mine moving?"
"Chapuline y maguey tacos, of course!" Remus laughed, "They're so good! But I thought you might want a few live ones to really get into it!"
"I'm not about to go all spidery in front of Patton!" Virgil snapped and knocked the cover off his plate. Three live crickets were trapped under a tiny mesh basket next to his tacos, guac, and sauce. Patton squirmed in his seat and stared at them.
"Then Pops will eat them for you!" Remus argued. Virgil hissed at him ready to strangle the duke for even suggesting that Patton would—
Crack
Patton giggled sheepishly and rubbed his slimy green arm as he chewed up one of the crickets he stole from Virgil's plate. How he managed to get under the basket and keep the other two trapped was a mystery, but Virgil didn't question it, not when his favorite snack got stolen.
"Sorry, Virgil, I couldn't resist!" Patton mumbled and swallowed thickly, "You can have one of mine if you want. I promise I won't get too scared if you turn into a spider."
"What that tongue do, Daddy?" Remus purred and then giggled. Patton croaked and blushed. He should have expected that one!
"Promise?" Virgil hesitated. Patton nodded quickly and pulled the cover from his plate. He had the same set up as Virgil, minus the basket. The crickets seemed to be magically stuck to the plate.
Virgil hissed softly and let his chelicerae and pedipalps extend. Two pairs of extra eyes opened, cutting through the eye shadow, and his spidery limbs shot out of his back.
"You make it hard not to want to be the best boyfriend," Remus sighed wistfully as he watched Virgil spin some web from his lower back. Patton was more shocked by that statement than the sudden shot of web that latched onto a stationary cricket and dragged it away.
"You two are dating!?"
"Nope! But I would!" Remus shrugged and took a bite of his taco, "Can you blame me? Just look at him!"
Virgil froze after he drained the life out of his cricket and glared at Remus.
"Why don't you?" Patton asked before snagging another cricket with his tongue, "If it would make you both happy—"
"We're married," Virgil cut him off and blushed up to his ears, "It's a long story."
"Married and polyam!" Remus jeered and leaned on his elbow toward Patton, "So, Daddy, what else that tongue do?" He threw in a wink just to make Patton squirm.
"It delivers the best of the worst puns!" Patton teased and went for the last cricket.
"Anything else?" Remus cooed and fluttered his lashes. Patton shrugged and picked up a taco.
"You betcha!" he said before taking a big bite. His eyes went wide as he chewed. Even without the frogginess coming through it was good!
"I'm not gonna tell you anything more about my tongue until you give me the recipe for this!" Patton gasped.
"It's a secret, but I can make it for you whenever you want! I have time and Winary is great at sniffing out the grubs!" Remus teased. Virgil could tell he was elated with the way he was vibrating, and decided to keep quiet and eat rather than get in the way.
"I'm taking you up on that offer! But who's Winary?"
"My dog! Winifred, Sarah, and Mary! She's got three heads and she's huge!" Remus laughed. Virgil knew the dog in question was Remus' baby, his pride and joy. He was on alert immediately.
"You have a dog!?" Patton gasped and slammed his palms on the table, "I have to meet her! Please! What breed is she? Does she like snackies?"
"She's a three-headed hell hound! And she loves pumpkin seeds, apples, and sweet potatoes! And toes!" Remus gushed. Patton had stars in his eyes. Virgil rolled his eyes fondly and set his empty plate aside. He was content with watching them bonding despite their differences.
"You're married to a guy with a puppo and he can cook! Virgil, why didn't you tell me before?" Patton giggled. Remus and Virgil just stared at him. It took him a minute.
"Oh, wait, nevermind. Sorry," he wilted, "But at least I'm not freaking out—that has to count for something."
"It does!" Remus giggled, "But if you want someone to freak out, tell Princey! Ooh you could tell him that we had a threesome and you're pregnant!"
"Uh, I think I'll stick with the truth."
"And that is?"
"Dinner was great, I had a lot of fun, and you two are married. And I made a friend."
"Really?!" Remus squealed and tackled Patton into a hug. Virgil decided that the mixed laughter was a good sign, and he could relax for the rest of the night.
