Thanks to my friends in discord enabling me in this, have a small romance novel writer!Jaskier modern AU. @jaskierswolf @endrega23
Content warning: horny on main, talking about bad p*rn.
~
Geralt eyed the words on the screen as he scrolled through the document. Word combinations like 'throbing length' and 'sacred flower' he thought he'd never have to read went past his eyes and he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"What do you think? Three words or less!" Jaskier asked him, eyes sparking with excitement.
Geralt scrolled back up at the start of the document to stare at the words 'Bride of Kaer Morhen'.
"Why?" was all he could ask.
"Why, he asks!" Jaskier scoffed and slammed his laptop shut. "It pays the bills, that's why! And don't you dare to judge people who enjoy a bit of romantic stories."
"I'm sure the, how was it..." Geralt lift the lid of Jaskier's laptop so he could find the right sentence, "'He pushed his throbbing length into her wet heat, and she moaned as he breached her final barrier, making her feel things she had never felt before' is very romantic."
"Well I can't just write he pushed his dick in her pussy and they both came, it's not romantic! You're right, I'll sent this to Yennefer, at least she gives proper critique!"
"It's her job, she's your editor." Geralt held a break to think his words over. "It's not the story I dislike. But why did you make me the main character in this... romantic novel?"
"Of course it's not you!" Jaskier exclaimed as if offended.
"He has white long hair, 'muscles like he was a statue made of marble' and his name is Geralt," Geralt said pointedly.
Jaskier had the decency to blush.
"It's a first draft, all will be changed later!" he defended himself.
"That's good. Keep working, don't make Yen angry again." He leant in to give Jaskier a kiss. "I'll go make you a cup of coffee but it'll be last for today or you won't sleep at night."
"Yeah, yeah, thank you, I love you..." Jaskier waved him away as he focused back on his work.
~
Three months later, Jaskier showed him victoriously a paperback where silver haired man was fiercely embracing a blonde woman on the cover, titled 'Bride of Kaer Morhen'.
"We were just about to call you. She fell out of the bed and had to go to surgery again to stop the bleeding. Everything should be fine now, you can see her in a couple of hours."
A couple of hours turned into several more. Hideyoshi went home and came back, but Mitsunari stayed and waited. Waited alone, his thoughts in a turmoil which turned worse and worse every passing hour.
Hideyoshi nudged his shoulder, "Look, one of the nurses came back, maybe she knows something."
Mitsunari got up and walked to the nurses' station like a zombie.
"What-" His voice broke and he had to stop and start again, "What happened?"
"We don't know yet, but rest assured we are doing everything we can to save her life and treat all of her injuries. We'll notify you as soon as we know something. I was just about to call her husband too to let him know her situation has changed since he visited."
Mitsunari stared at the nurse dumbstruck.
"...call... her husband...?" he repeated the words like saying them aloud would make more sense.
"We checked her info for relatives to let them know and found her husband's number. Is there a problem?"
"He... they're separated," was all he managed to come up with. Every single word the nurse said filled him with more and more dread, his blood turning into ice in his veins.
"Oh, her husband didn't say anything when he came to visit. Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. She's living with me and my roommate at the moment." He tried to keep his tone calm, but his usual bite seeped through because of the sheer idiocy of the nurse's question.
"...Okay. I'll make a note." The nurse didn't sound convinced but typed something on the computer anyway. "I'll let you know as soon as we know something. You really should go home to sleep, you must be exhausted."
Mitsunari didn't reply anything. He just turned around and returned to Hideyoshi.
"...What did the nurse say?" Hideyoshi asked quietly after a short silence. Mitsunari lifted his head and stared at the wall.
"Her ex was here."
Hideyoshi didn't say a word. They just sat in silence, waiting for any news to come.
Mitsunari tried to think. Tried to come up with anything he could do.
He was so tired.
He dug out his phone and stepped away from Hideyoshi to call the only person he could think of.
"Yes?" a woman answered the phone.
"Raven?" he asked to make sure he had received the correct number.
"Fox! Why did you call?"
"Her ex found her. He was here earlier."
"What did he do?"
"I... I don't know. The nurse said she fell out of the bed but..."
"...Shit. I'll be in touch." Matsuko hung up before he could reply.
Mitsunari walked back to Hideyoshi and slumped back to his chair.
"... Who did you call?" Hideyoshi asked after a short silence.
"Matsuko."
"... Okay."
They sat in silence until Matsuko arrived an hour later. She took one look at him before she sat down.
"You need to go home and sleep. And change clothes. Take a shower. Have you been at home at all since the first time your friend here forced you to go home?"
Mitsunari shook his head. Matsuko turned to Hideyoshi with her plea, "Back me up on this, will you?"
"...She's right you know. You need to go home and sleep properly."
"No, I need to stay."
"If you don't go, I'll throw you out myself," Matsuko threatened and pushed some money on his hand. "Go grab a taxi, there's no way you'll get home on a bus."
Mitsunari stared at the money in his hand. "I'll pay you back..." he said and stuffed the money in his pocket.
"Pfffft, with what money, kiddo? Just go. And don't come back before morning." Matsuko laughed at his face and turned him towards the exit giving him a firm push on the back.
***
He barely made his way back to the hospital after a short restless sleep, when his phone rang.
"I'm sorry to inform you your mother passed away early this morning. She went into heart failure. We did everything we could, but it was impossible to save her. I'm sorry for your loss."
Mitsunari had no words. The phone dropped from his hand as surely as he felt the world crumble around him.
This was not happening.
This couldn't be real.
He faintly registered Hideyoshi shaking his shoulder, but he just turned around and walked away.
He needed to get out. Away from here, from this, from everything. He was suffocating.
He didn't even realise where he had walked to until he heard a gentle voice talk to him.
"Mitsunari? Why are you huddled in the children's reading corner?"
He lifted his head to find Mr Otani crouched next to him, a gentle, kind smile on his face.
"...sorry..." he mumbled and averted his gaze, burying his head on his knees again.
"Want to go for a cup of tea for old times sake? Remember when you used to come here and I lured you out with the promise of tea and sweets?"
“I’m not a child.”
“Then it’s settled, come on now.” Mr Otani stood up and looked at him waiting for him to follow. Mitsunari had no energy to argue so he stood up and followed Mr Otani to the librarians' break room.
He sat on the familiar chair and watched Mr Otani's back as he prepared the tea. He placed the cup in front of him and sat down holding his cup of tea.
Mitsunari just stared at the cup sitting at the table. At the warm liquid swirling slowly to a standstill. At the steam rising from the tea until it cooled down.
"Mother... died..." Mitsunari whispered as if saying it aloud would finally make it true. "She... died... and... I wasn't there..."
"I'm so sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"I-... I don't know... I don't know..." Mitsunari pulled his legs up on the chair and buried his face on his knees to hide his tears. It was too much.
Everything was too much.
"Do you want me to contact our lovely storyteller so she could come to get you? I don't think you should be alone now."
"She... she might die... It's my fault she might die...!" Saying it aloud finally made it a reality.
He felt his world shatter around him like there was a void ready to suck him in and there was nothing he could hold on onto.
There was no meaning in any of this.
Just when he felt like he really might lose himself, he felt a tug on his arm and he was engulfed in a warm gentle hug.
"It's okay. You are not alone. You will get through this. You're not alone."
Nothing had ever felt as comforting as those gently murmured words at that moment.
Mitsunari didn't know how long they sat there, but when Mr Otani finally let go he felt much calmer.
"Have you gone to see your mother?" Mr Otani asked as he offered Mitsunari another tissue.
"No..."
"Do you want to?"
"...yes..."
"Come on then. You tell me where we're going and I'll drive. You can talk to me on the way if you want to."
Somehow, Mitsunari managed to remember the correct hospital. He stared out of the window without saying a word the whole way.
His mother looked so calm.
He sat by her bed and took her hand in his.
"I'm...I'm sorry, mother. I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you." Tears fell from his eyes in an endless stream and he buried his face on the bed.
What was he going to do without his mother?
How would he even continue after something like this?
"Mitsunari. Mitsunari? We need to go now." He woke up when he heard someone call his name. He didn't want to be awake. The massive headache pounding behind his eyes didn't help, it only made it harder to think anything sensible.
Sorrow.
Guilt.
The only two things he could feel. Think. And he felt, felt so hard it was hard to breathe. It was hard to breathe and he was drowning, drowning so fast he didn't even realise he was crying until he felt the teardrops fall on his hands.
Someone put a hand on his shoulder and somehow it grounded him to the present, to the hospital room.
"Mitsunari." Mr Otani said, handing him a tissue. "We need to go."
Mitsunari stood up and touched his mother's hand for the last time, stroking it gently. He leant down to press a kiss on her forehead.
"I love you, mother. Goodbye," he whispered, quiet enough not to be heard by anyone else.
Mr Otani escorted him out of the room and all the way back to his car.
"Where do you want me to take you?" Mr Otani broke the silence after they had sat in the car for, Mitsunari didn't even know how long. He felt so empty, time just seemed to slip away from him like an endless stream running through his fingers.
When they reached the hospital a part of him wanted to run away. Run away, and not know what had happened with her.
But not knowing was worse than knowing. With information, he could form a plan of action and proceed accordingly.
At least he hoped he would.
Mr Otani followed him to the room she was supposed to be at. But no one was there, not even a sight of Hideyoshi or Matsuko.
He walked to the nurses' station like in a trance and asked after her.
"She was moved to neuro. We tried to reach you earlier to tell you, but your friend answered your phone."
Relief flooded him with such strength tears welled in his eyes and fell to his cheeks. And for the second time that day he was engulfed in a firm hug. This time he didn't just stay still. This time he buried his face in Mr Otani's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him, grasping his jacket so hard his knuckles turned white.
Why was he so weak?
Why did he fail so hard?
All he had wanted to do was to see his mother happy and her safe. And he had failed in both of them.
When he finally mustered the strength to lift his head, Mr Otani ruffled his hair and offered him a smile and a tissue. He led them to another part of the hospital, where he asked after her from the nurses.
Mitsunari stood still and listened. He didn't have the energy to do else, he just concentrated on pushing his feelings down so he could face her.
Mr Otani escorted him to the door of the correct room and opened it up for him, encouraging him to step in.
Mitsunari faintly registered Hideyoshi sitting in the room, Kiyomasa next to him, the laters face hidden by a book. All of his attention was focused on her.
She looked pale and frail, covered in bruises and bandages, half of her head shaven clean.
Her eyes opened and she blinked a couple of times before she looked at the door.
As soon as she saw him her eyes grew as big as saucers and she struggled to sit up, only to get Hideyoshi to jump next to her bed to push her down.
“No! Do. Not. Get. Up.”
Her eyes didn’t stay at Hideyoshi to see his words, instead, they were glued on Mitsunari as she struggled against Hideyoshi’s hands on her shoulders.
Her eyes welled with tears and she hid her face with her hands finally staying still.
Mitsunari didn’t know what to do. What to say. He stood still at the doorway staring at her as if that would give him the answers he wanted.
Hideyoshi turned around and strode to him. He took a hold of his shoulders and shook him like he was a ragdoll.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Where the hell were you? How dare you just leave your phone and disappear?! Do you have any idea how scared she has been? Every time someone has walked through that door you haven’t seen the dejected look she’s had on her face when it hasn’t been you! How dare you leave like that, huh?!”
No one tried to stop Hideyoshi as he screamed at Mitsunari. Not even he did. He just stood still as Hideyoshi shook him his face a calm mask.
“I think that’s enough for now.” Mr Otani put his hand on Hideyoshi’s shoulder a gentle smile on his face. “We were to see Mitsunari’s mother. She passed away last night.”
"Oh." Hideyoshi let go of Mitsunari's shoulders. "I just..." He stepped away and snatched the book lying on Kiyomasa's face and gently slapped him with it. "We're going." Kiyomasa scrambled after Hideyoshi, still half asleep.
"I'll be just outside." Mr Otani put his hand on Mitsunari's shoulder and squeezed before he followed Kiyomasa and Hideyoshi out of the door.
She had her face covered with her hands, but her breath was even. He took her bandaged, plaster covered hand on his so he could see her face. She was asleep, tears still clinging to her eyelashes.
"...I'm so sorry..." Mitsunari knew she couldn't see him, but he needed to say it. If just for himself.
The Way to a Man's Heart Goes Through His... Cat? Ch1
Fandoms: The Witcher
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Word count: 1545
Chapters: 1/?
More tags in AO3
***
DAY 1: Jaskier meets the biggest and meanest cat he's ever seen
Jaskier looks at the house and checks he has the right number again before approaching. The house is nice, not as nice as some of the others he has been in, but a regular two-storey house in a nice neighbourhood. Nothing remarkable which makes the secrecy of the gig more baffling.
Some people liked their privacy Jaskier guesses as he tries to spot a flowerpot without looking too suspicious. The flowers have almost wilted but Jaskier doesn't reserve them a second glance as he fishes out the spare key under the pot.
He checks the notes from the owner again from his phone.
<Use what you need in the kitchen. Clean sheets on the bed. No guests, second floor off-limits.>
<Roach hates people>
He could deal with cats who hate people. Animals love him, he just has to be patient and offer peace and love. And food. Food is very important.
He opens the door carefully, not sure if Roach is the type of a cat to try to squeeze her way to freedom every chance possible. He slips through, his bag in front of his leg to protect his pants in an event of a clawed attacker but, to his relief, there is no cat in sight.
He leaves his shoes and bag at the entryway and makes his way to inspect the house. The ground floor consists mostly of an open plan kitchen and living room, the backdoor in the kitchen leading into a small yard.
The living room looks like it's from a magazine, only the small decorative items usually on display are stuffed haphazardly in a cabinet, and by the looks of it, forgotten there. But what draws Jaskier's attention isn't the fine furniture. No, it's the gigantic cat tree in front of the window facing to the street. Jaskier eyes the cat tree warily. Either the owner is very enthusiastic about their cat (Jaskier has seen those, usually ladies in their middle ages or older) or the cat is a giant. No normal cat requires a cat tree that large.
He ventures further into the house, phone in hand and selects his best friends number.
"Hi, Essi, it's me. I arrived safely, there are no axe murders in sight. Yet."
"One of the days there will be and then I can tell you I told you so," Essi's voice is amused despite her admonishing words but she turns serious as Jaskier walks up the stairs, trying to find the bedroom, "You need to call me every day. If you won't I'll come storming over with Priscilla and that won't end pretty."
"Yeah, yeah, Little Eye. I got this, don't worry." The first floor seems as devoid of a cat as the ground floor. There are three doors Jaskier guesses lead to two bedrooms and a bathroom. All doors are ajar so he peeks through the first. A study. A boring one at that. Bookshelves line all the walls, and two decent sized monitors sit on the desk. No laptop.
It doesn't surprise him, the owner said he had to leave for work for at least two months. But why did it have to be so boring?
He glances at the bookshelves expecting to find more boring stuff.
What he finds are two enormous golden eyes staring down at him.
He would deny shrieking like a little child to his dying day.
"Jaskier?! Julek?! Are you okay?! What is it?" Essi screams at him.
"Fuck, fuck, cock, bloody Melitele, fuck, that is the biggest fucking cat I have ever seen, is that even a fucking cat, what the fuck?"
"Jaskier what the fuck? You can't just scare me like that, what the fuck are you talking about?"
"That thing is not a cat. No cat is that big. Nope. Exotic pets weren't in the deal I'm not having this, no."
The long-haired tabby stares at him and waves it's tail in irritation, hitting it against the bookshelf with a series of thuds.
"Um, yeah... goooood kitty, I'll just... go..." Jaskier runs from the room all while listening to the wheezing laughter of Essi from the other end of the line.
"Are you sure it's not a Maine Coon or something?" Essi laughs.
"Do you think I haven't seen Maine Coons? That cat is a monster!" Jaskier hisses while keeping a keen eye on the door of the study.
"You know for a fact there are monsters in the world and you're scared of a little cat? Sure, catboy. Have fun with your monster cat."
The cat (Roach, Jaskier's brain helpfully supplies) walks out of the study and stares at him unimpressed. Now, on a reasonable height, it clearly is just a very large cat. Sure, it's by far the biggest cat Jaskier has ever seen, but a normal longhaired cat none the less.
"Please, don't tell Pricilla about this," Jaskier beggs as he eyes the cat and blinks slowly in hopes of gaining the enormous cat's trust.
"Yeah, of course, I won't, why would I do that?"
"You're telling her as soon as this call ends aren't you?"
"Oh, don't worry about it, I already texted her," Essi mocks him gleefully.
"Traitor!" Jaskier hisses.
"Love you too! Call me tomorrow!"
"I will," Jaskier admits defeated, "bye."
He stuffs his phone in his pocket and looks at Roach, "I guess it's just you and me then, girl."
Roach screams at him.
"Umm, yeah, you're going to have to be a bit more specific than that."
Roach screams again.
"You could meow like a normal cat, you know?"
Jaskier has never seen a cat look as unimpressed with him as Roach is at the moment. She gives him a wide berth as she heads for the stairs to the second floor. And screams.
"Sorry, that's off-limits for me, you're on your own." Roach looks him up and down before she heads upstairs. He can hear her digging around and meowing pitifully. Something crashes to the floor.
Still, off-limits, he reminds himself and turns to investigate the rest of the house. Bathroom, bedroom. Both void of any personal belongings.
It's all fairly boring, all personality stripped, no pictures in sight. There's a sort of detachment to the whole thing Jaskier finds unsettling.
He steps to the back yard, making sure that firstly the door is unlocked and secondly Roach is nowhere in sight. He looks up after closing the door and blinks in surprise.
The whole yard is one giant catio, reaching all the way to the first-floor windows. The windows are connected with planks, leading to a wooden ladder. In the yard is a small vegetable garden and a shack Jaskier guesses contain the gardening tools.
"Well then... I guess I don't have to worry about leaving the back door open." He eyes the garden again and makes a vow to try to remember water the vegetables. He's not sure he'll succeed.
By dinnertime, Jaskier has settled down, unpacked his belongings in the bedroom and claimed a space on the desk in the study. He's putting his shopping away in the fridge (where all he found was cheap beer and snacks clearly meant for a child, thanks for the hospitality) when a demanding meow sounds from the other side of the kitchen.
"Oh, hello Roach. Is it time for your dinner?"
Another meow.
Roach walks in front of a cabinet and screams, as demanding as before.
"Is that where your food is? I'll be right with you, sweetie, just wait a moment..."
Another scream.
"Yeah, yeah..." Jaskier mutters as he tries to find some logic to where everything is in the kitchen. Like it was organised by some crazy witch who never cooked other than their evil potions.
A loud metallic bang makes Jaskier jump in the air and hit his head on a cabinet door.
"Roach?! What the fuck was that?" He looks at the cat who sits next to her empty bowl which sits upside down on the floor, a good half a metre from her tray.
Meow.
"Yeah, okay, food! You'll eat me soon if I don't feed you..." he mumbles and goes digging the cabinet Roach pointed to him.
Roach trills and screams and attacks the cup as soon as Jaskier puts it on the floor. Roach doesn't eat, she just keeps her head in her bowl and stares at Jaskier, a low growl rising from her throat.
"Right, of course, I can't watch you eat. Don't worry, I don't want to steal your food." Jaskier takes a step back. Roach eyes him warily, but apparently, he's far enough she starts to eat her food, selecting carefully the tastiest bits first.
Jaskier digs his phone from his pocket and snaps a selfie of himself, Roach happily munching away in the background. Or so he thought, as soon as he looks at the picture more closely he can see the cat staring at him like it wants to eat him instead.
He picks up the right conversation in WhatsApp and hits send before he turns back to Roach.
"You know, you have to start to trust me soon, I have to brush you so you don't get tangles and mats in that gorgeous hair of yours."
The Way to a Man’s Heart Goes Through His... Cat? Ch5
AO3
Days later Jaskier is still thoroughly embarrassed by accidentally calling Geralt while drunk. He is sure he had picked Essi's number but what is done is done. They haven't talked much after that. The next day Geralt inquired after Roach but since then it's been radio silence and it does not bother Jaskier at all. Geralt must just be busy, that's all. No other reason what so ever.
<my mom comes to visit today!!!>
<i missed her>
<when i grow up i want to be just like her!>
<i wish you could meet her she's so nice>
<she yelled at daddy for not answering her>
<oh no that was supposed to be a secret>
<i swear i won't tell a soul>
<that's good. daddy said i shouldn't lie to him any more but he wouldn't like if i told someone mom yelled at him>
<yeah, it's bad to lie to your parents>
<but maybe little secrets like this are okay>
<no more texting anyone without permission though!>
<yeah, i'm sorry I lied mrJ>
<hows the trip going now? i hope you don't have to be alone today like yesterday>
<no, today i got to help uncle A with a new video!>
<uncle A came here yesterday and he and uncle L were being gross>
<they make the best videos>
<but daddy is better than them>
<daddy is the best>
<even grandpa says so but he told me not to tell uncle L because he would get upset>
<that's very sensible off him>
<i helped making this video too!>
There's a link to a youtube video Jaskier clicks open without much thought. Except when he sees the channel he has to check to make sure he got it right. He knows this channel, he has watched almost every single video, including the one Fiona just sent him.
Camera zooms into a ginger headed man holding a sword, knee-deep in what looks like a natural pond.
"Oi, did you see it?" the cameraman asks laughing so hard the camera shakes
"Of course, not, you bastard! You were holding me down while it swam past!"
"Do you know what it is?"
"Fucking drowners I bet." the ginger man grumbles and lets out a yell as a blue-skinned monster leaps out of water. "Oi, fuck you, put that camera down and come help me!"
"Eh, you're doing fine! Show me that arse!" the cameraman laughs and the camera shakes.
"Fucking bitch ass cat!"
"I love you too!"
The camera moves to reveal a second blue-skinned monster closer, close enough to reach the camera.
"Oi, cub, catch!"
The camera flies in the air and for a while nothing but sky and leaves are visible. The camera turns back to show the cameraman killing the monster with a sword, a spray of blood flying in the air.
"Still struggling there, love?"
"I killed four while you were a prick killing only one! I'm not cooking for you tonight!"
"Oh, I'm wounded, how will I survive without the love of my life cooking for me?"
The ginger man gives the giggling cameraman the finger, a smile tugging at his lips.
Jaskier doesn't even glance at the comment section where the evergoing debate about the videos is going strong. In Jaskier's opinion it's stupid, no real witcher would post videos like this of their work. It's just two guys having too much time and energy in their hands making the videos look as realistic as possible, probably a combination of CGI and practical effects.
He has to admit, he is slightly hooked. Kittencam69 has been making these videos for a couple of years and while this is no way his favourite video, it's clear it was important to Fiona to be a part of making it.
His favourite videos are probably the ones where the ginger man yells from his window at werewolves. Or the one where they fight a wyvern, the effects of that one were truly gorgeous.
Why would someone spend their talent on something like this is beyond him, but who is he to judge? He still can't believe how anyone thinks the monsters in the videos are real though. He's far more interested if the two men are really dating or if that's just their way of talking to each other. He's 95% certain they are dating.
A text from Yen interrupts his thoughts.
<I found a book for your paper>
<I'll drop it in an hour>
<oh, thank you, that's very kind of you>
<shut up and accept the book>
<you don't want your paper turning out shite>
This time around, when Yen comes, Jaskier is wearing trousers.
"Here's your book," Yen greets him and tosses an old book on the kitchen table hard enough Jaskier has to leap to grab it before it slides off the table and drops on Roach who is of course right there.
"Hello, nice to see you, why won't you come in and have some tea?" Jaskier says with a mocking voice and bows, pulling a chair out for her.
"I see you haven't set the house on fire," Yen says as she sits down.
"Please, I'm not that terrible of a cook!" Jaskier exclaims as he puts the kettle on.
"Right, you were eating nothing but instant ramen last time I was here."
"That!" Jaskier points at Yen in mock outrage, "was one day! One unfortunate day I was a mess and you think I live like that?!"
"Of course, I'm never wrong." Yen smiles sharp and Jaskier can't help the cold shivers running down his back.
"You're terrible, that's what you are..." he mumbles as he digs out mugs from the cabinet. "So what this book then?" Jaskier takes the book he'd put the cover down on the table and almost drops it. 'Fifty Years of Poetry' stares at him from the cover of the book.
"Oh, just something I had lying around, you know," Yen drawls in what Jaskier is quite certain is mock indifference. He squints his eyes at her in suspicion.
"So you're telling me you had one of the most sought after books in the academic world just 'lying around' and decided to give it to some random uni student?"
"Please, don't think I'm doing this for you." Yen waves him off, "You're an idiot."
"Why, thank you for the compliment, ma'am." Jaskier bows again. "Do you want the pink or the white mug?"
They settle down on the table, cups of tea and some biscuits Jaskier got after last time Yen visited.
"I- ah- had some questions about Geralt." Jaskier admits shyly as he puts the 'Fifty Years of Poetry' safe away from the table. He wouldn't want to ruin a book that valuable by accidentally spilling something on it.
"Hm, what did he do?"
"Oh, no nothing! It's nothing like that. I was just- maybe if you could- you don't have to of course-"
"Just spit it out, Julian," Yen interrupts him, sounding both put-out and bored, a feat Jaskier can only hope to master.
"Maybeyouwouldknowifhe'sseeinganyoneorsomething..." Jaskier manages to mumble out, which makes Yen burst out laughing.
"Oh, gods, I thought this was something serious, you had me for a moment there." Yen falls into a fit of giggles Jaskier is sure is aimed at him. Or perhaps at the thought of Geralt seeing anyone but the way Yen thrills at his discomfort tells him it's the former.
Of course, the hot cat dad is not single, who is he even kidding. He should probably just think about the book he got. And his thesis. And definitely, not the hot cat dad whose bed he's been sleeping in for the past month.
He is doomed.
***
It's high time to do something about the vegetable garden.
Or literally anything to avoid his thesis, if Jaskier is completely honest with himself.
Roach is chasing something in the bushes and Jaskier is happier not knowing what unfortunate small animal will face its maker. He stares at the vegetable garden which at this point seems to be about 50-50 vegetables and weeds. At least the plants are alive.
"I should have done this several times already, right, Roachie?" Jaskier asks the cat who emerges from the bushes covered in leaves and dirt. She gives him a wide berth and digs a hole at the other end of the patch.
"I swear to gods, Roach, if I find cat poop when I'm weeding this thing you will not get out for a week, do you hear me?"
Roach does not listen to him. Of course, she doesn't. She covers the hole she made and runs back into the bushes.
"That's disgusting, Roach. You have a perfectly fine litter box inside why would you do that to me?"
Roach doesn't answer. In fact, Jaskier is quite certain she's not listening to him at all, far more interested in whatever is the bushes.
A large lock on the door of the shed stops his gardening endeavours quite efficiently. He tries in vain to find the key somewhere close by but has to give up after a while.
"Okay, so if I were a key where would I be?" Jaskier rummages through the kitchen and the living room, only finding a stash of cat toys under the sofa.
"Oi, what are you so happy about? I know it was you who hid them there!" Jaskier cries at Roach who jumps in the middle of the pile startling him.
His search leads him into the study, Roach hot on his heels. She jumps on top of the bookshelf and Jaskier finds himself marvelling yet again how effortless Roach makes the almost two and a half metre jump look like.
"Hey, Roachie, came in to check what I'm up to?" Jaskier asks as he tries to open the top drawer of the desk. "Aaah, shite, why I never remember which side is locked..." he mumbles as he moves to the other end of the massive desk and opens the top drawer on that side.
All he finds is stationary in an amazing array of boring and practical to colourful and silly. He suspects the likes of the pink glitter pens with pompoms at the top are the results of Fiona getting to decide what to get.
He moves to the bookshelf next, more out of boredom than any real thought about finding the key. The books all look incredibly boring, ranging from computer science to physics and the sort. Nothing that would catch Jaskier's eye.
He takes one book out in random and opens it to leaf it through if to do nothing else at least he gets to avoid writing his thesis. But what greets him in the pages makes him almost drop the book entirely.
Monsters.
Pages after pages about monsters. Detailed drawings, stories, myths, facts. Anything in between.
Jaskier feels his fingers turn numb from the sheer shock. He looks at the bookshelf again and pulls another book, then another and another.
Monsters. Potions. Magic. Elder races. It's all there. Jaskier can't even comprehend the sheer volume of knowledge that has been at his grasp for over a month without him knowing anything about it and it makes his head spin. He needs... he needs to read everything.
The bling of his phone brings him back from his frantic search for more and more books.
<mommy said she comes to see you>
<she wants to see my new tutor>
Jaskier stares at his phone, panic rising in his throat. He's... well him? Not some sort of accomplished tutor Fiona's mother is surely expecting.
<When is she coming?>
Just as he presses send he hears the front door open.
"Julian? Are you here?"
Oh shit. Oh. Shit.
He's so screwed.
<now>
"Yen? I'm upstairs, I'll be right there!" he shouts. He's so screwed. Yen, of all people, is Fiona's mother.
She is going to kill him.
Another surge of panic hits him. He asked Yen if Geralt was single! She's his... wife? ex? An old flame? Whatever she is, that is not someone to ask something like that.
"Julian? What are you doing- oh! You found Geralt's books."
"I'm sorry...!" Jaskier whispers, suddenly terrified of the woman in the doorway. "I didn't mean to snoop, I swear, I was only looking for a key to the shed to find some gardening tools, I never meant-!"
Yen silences him with a dismissive gesture with her hand, "I don't care about the books. If he's stupid enough to leave them for you to find it's not my problem. What I came here for was to talk about Fiona. Care to offer me some tea?"
"Tea? Um, yeah sure... tea coming right away..." he feels like he avoided death.
"Sooo, I'm finally face to face with the famous Mr J." Yen says when she has a steaming mug of tea in front of her.
Jaskier slumps on a chair opposite of her and buries his face in his hands.
"Please, don't murder me, I didn't know you were her mother..." he mumbles from between her fingers, wailing up in his misery almost far enough he doesn't hear Yen snort.
"Please, I wouldn't murder you for that. For something else though..."
"Please, don't murder me for any reason," Jaskier begs, not lifting his face from his hands.
"Don't worry, you're way too unimportant to be murdered." Yen pats his arm.
"Why am I relieved to hear that?" Jaskier moans and finally uncovers his face to look at Yen. "So, you presumably wanted to talk about Fiona before you murder me?"
"True. She has her final tests coming up before summer and she's fallen way more behind than I thought."
"Wait, wait, I thought you didn't want to murder me?" Jaskier squeaks. Yen gives him a terrifying smile.
"Like I was saying. She has fallen behind on her studies. And I need you to tutor her, properly this time, not just helping with her homework. I will pay you of course. And a bonus if I feel she did well enough in her tests."
"Pay me?" Jaskier asks, suddenly way more interested. He could, in theory, save the extra money towards a deposit for a place for his own, which he'll need soon if some other gig doesn't come up during the next few weeks.
"I'll give you double what Geralt is paying you. Tripple if Fiona's grades are good enough."
The biscuit Jaskier was eating drops from his mouth.
"Ah, shite, fuck!" he tries desperately to stop the crumbs from spreading everywhere, failing spectacularly.
"I'm so glad we have an agreement. I'll see you around, Julian." Yen rises from her chair and before Jaskier has the chance to collect a single thought, she's already gone.
The Way to a Man's Heart Goes Through His... Cat? Ch2
Days 6-7: Jaskier gets some unexpected messages and looks after house plants
AO3
Master of Music.
Jaskier loves the sound of it.
What he doesn't love is the half-empty document staring at him from his laptop screen.
'Historical Facts, Recent Myths, Current Connections: The Witchers in Historical and Contemporary Music'
He has all of his research material on hand. He has read through it. Several times. But writing the actual research down isn't happening.
Gods above how much he wishes he could just compose new songs and throw his brain out of the window. He doesn't even believe in any gods but if praying will help writing to happen he's willing to try.
Roach sits on top of the bookshelf, in one of her favourite places to... stare at him. And judge. Or maybe Jaskier feels like the cat is judging him. She hasn't warmed up to him during the first week at all, all she does is stare at him whatever he does but doesn't let him close enough to touch yet alone to brush.
"You know, Roachie if you won't let me touch you soon your owner will have to shave you naked when he returns."
Roach doesn't answer.
Of course, she won't answer. He must be going bonkers. Maybe a walk will help. He doesn't hold high hopes, everything is going shite anyway, what good could one walk do?
He snaps a quick silly selfie of himself and Roach and sends it to Roach's owner, like every day. It doesn't take long for the mark to turn blue to note the message has been seen. No answer, but at this point, Jaskier is not surprised. There has been no answer in the previous days, why break the tradition now? Some people just aren't made for small talk and Jaskier isn't going to force it. Not that he'd want to see the man. No, that would be ridiculous.
He gets lost in his thoughts, trying to figure out how to put together his thesis in some sort of coherent way as he walks to the nearby park. His phone buzzes in his pocket for a new message. He digs it out, not giving it much thought expecting to see a message from Essi or Pricilla. What he sees makes him almost drop his phone in his shock.
Cat dad answered? And with a photo?
A honk makes him realise he's standing in the middle of the road like an idiot and he crosses to the other side to reach the park. Only it feels like he doesn't need to have a walk anymore, this is more excitement than he's had in the entire week.
He opens the message.
A selfie with a blonde girl and a man stare back at him. He feels like his heart will stop.
"Essi?" Jaskier has to talk to someone. He knows he shouldn't, he promised absolute confidentiality. But he will burst if he doesn't talk about this to someone. He will absolutely without a doubt die.
"What is it, Buttercup?" Essi drawls like she has all the time in the world.
"Cat dad it insanely hot!"
"Whaaat? He texted back?"
"Yes! He's off the wall hot? I can't deal with this! How am I supposed to just sit working on his desk knowing what the man looks like? He will haunt my dreams, Essi!"
"Well, spill the tea! What does he look like?"
"You know I can't tell you, just know he's the hottest dude I have ever seen, okay? I can't deal with this. How am I supposed to write academic bullshite when his picture sits on my phone and I could just... look at it whenever I want to?
"Jaskier, for fucks sake. Your thesis is already a year late. You have been promised a place in the doctoral programme. If you keep sitting on your arse with this, instead of being the brightest student at the Uni, you will fail, understand? Get your shite together and stop falling in love with every person you happen to see."
"But, Essiiii... He's really hot!"
"I know, darling. Just keep it in your pants until you've finished with your thesis. Then I give you my permission to go chase the hot cat daddy."
"Melitele forbid, Essi, you're no fun. I wasn't going to chase him! I don't even know where he is. I just can't get over the hotness, okay?"
"Mm hmm, I know you too well. Get back to work or do I need to remind you why you took up pet sitting?"
"No. I'm sorry. I'll take a small walk and then get right back to writing, I promise."
Jaskier does not get back to writing.
He stares at the picture in his phone trying to figure out how a gorgeous man like that could have such an impersonal home. The man has his hair tied back in a messy bun, revealing an undercut which tells the milky white locks are natural. Jaskier didn't know he had a thing for blonds, but he sure as hell does now.
The girl's young, maybe around ten years old, Jaskier isn't sure. Kids aren't exactly his forte, all of his friends are still firmly stuck in their studies instead of having families of their own.
The picture had been taken by the girl, the grin wide on her face suggesting taking it had been her idea. But the soft smile the man has as he looks at the girl is melting Jaskier's heart.
If only someone would look at him like that he could die happy.
A crash from upstairs startles him enough to put down his phone and look at the time. Jaskier tries and fails not to fall into despair. He has wasted another day, not a single word written and how he wishes he could just throw up all of his ideas into coherent text but it is not happening.
He closes his laptop. It's no use. Going like this he'll never graduate.
Roach stares at him from the door, covered in dust and... definitely more dust.
"I'm a mess, aren't I, Roachie?"
Roach doesn't answer. Instead, she screams and runs downstairs, expecting him to follow like a good servant. His phone buzzes for a new message and Jaskier taps it open.
<Water the plants. Remember to brush the cactus.>
Remember to what the what now? He stares at the message, trying (and failing) to ignore the image above it.
"What the fuck?" he mutters to himself as he makes his way downstairs to stare at the house plants he has given no thought at all up to this point. On the windowsill in the kitchen is a lone cactus, right next to where Roach likes to sit and look to the yard. A cactus completely covered in cat hair and Roach is happy to provide how that particular thing happened. She jumps next to the plant and rubs her head against it, leaving even more hair on the spines.
"Brush the cactus. Okay then..."
<How do I brush a cactus?>
<What the fuck Jask?>
Jaskier snaps a picture of the cactus and sends it to the group chat with Essi and Pricilla.
<How do I get rid of the hair???>
He gets no response. ... appears on the screen several times before crying laughing emojis fill the screen.
<Thanks a bunch -.- >
He goes to dig through the cabinet where he found cat things and discovers a comb.
"That'll have to do," he sighs and gets to combing the cactus, careful not to harm it. In the end, the cactus comes unharmed from the endeavour but unfortunately, Jaskier doesn't. His palm is adorned with spines he spends a good five minutes plucking out with tweezers.
<If i die bc of a cactus related infection I'm blaming you>
<omg what did you do>
<Squeezed a ball of hair in my hand but it was filled with spines from the cactus>
<lmao>
<lmao???? I'm suffering and you're laughing??? Essi, Pris is being horrible>
<it is only what you deserve>
<OMG rude!>
<kissy face emoji>
Jaskier looks up from his phone when he hears water splashing. He doesn't even want to know what toy the cat has decided to drown now but if he doesn't hurry the whole kitchen will be filled with water.
Roach is happily playing with a toy mouse dunking it in her water bowl and tossing it around, spreading water everywhere.
"Roach, please? Could you just... not do that?" Jaskier begs as he fishes the mouse out of the water bowl and puts it to dry in a cabinet. "This may come as a surprise to you but I do not enjoy mopping the floors after you." He complains as he dutifully takes kitchen towels and dries the kitchen. At least it's better than the time Roach tucked the entire kitchen rug in the water bowl while he was out.
"You are a menace," Jaskier tells Roach after he has cleaned up everything. Roach meows.
Jaskier feels like he has barely fallen asleep when he wakes up. At first, he doesn't understand what woke him, but another yowl has him wide awake. What has him jumping out of the bed and run is the sound of pumping, like someone was trying to unclog a toilet.
"Roach you bastard, where are you? Please don't throw up on a carpet!!" Jaskier tries to find the cat based on the noise, stumbling in the dark. To his horror, the noise is coming from the second floor, where he was absolutely forbidden to go.
"Roaaaaach...!" he whines and makes his way up the stairs.
The view that awaits him when he flips the light on is totally unexpected. It is so unexpected Jaskier has to pinch himself to believe he's actually standing in a real room.
It is, and really the only way to describe it is every little girl's dream room. The room spans the entire second floor, ceiling low on the sides showing it was renovated from an attic, pinks, purples and blues adorning the furnishing.
And right on the middle of the white rug is the vomit.
"Fuck."
Jaskier collects the rug and carries it in the bathroom and spends an ungodly amount of time washing it, hoping against all the odds, the stain would leave.
It doesn't.
Come morning and Jaskier is sure it's all been a weird dream. Unfortunately for him, the stained rug awaits him in the bathroom when he goes to brush his teeth and he groans in frustration.
Roach meows at the closed door and scratches it until he lets her in so she can stare at him. Jaskier sighs and snaps a quick selfie, hair mussed and toothbrush still in his mouth and sends it. No need to prolong it, now he can hopefully focus on writing.
He's drinking his third cup of tea when his phone buzzes for a new message.
<Roach's hair is as messy as yours>
Jaskier stares at the message, sent from an unknown number.
<Who is this?>
<Youre looking after daddys cat>
<You're the girl! From the picture!>
<I'm Julian but you can call me Jaskier>
<Wait you shouldn't text strange men does your dad know you've texted me?>
<You're not strange you just told me your name>
<I'm bored daddy went out with grandpa and im left with uncle>
<Hes no fun>
<I'm Fiona>
<Hello Fiona, it's nice to meet you>
Jaskier doesn't know what else he's supposed to say. How does one talk with children? Just like normal people? Right?
Wait!
Jaskier comes to a sudden realisation; now he has the perfect opportunity to ask cheat codes for Roach to get the cat to, well maybe not like him but to tolerate him.
<How do I brush Roach? She doesn't let me near her>
The screen fills with laughing emojis earning a sigh from Jaskier. No help then.
<Give her cheese>
<Shes crazy about it but only gets it after shes brushed>
Of course, why hasn't he thought to give the cat cheese? Maybe because it doesn't make any sense. Who gives cat cheese when there are perfectly good cat treats available?
Nothing else about this makes any sense either and since writing isn't happening nor is Fiona texting anything else he makes his way to the fridge and digs out a block of cheese and cuts a piece.
Roach runs at him screaming. She thrills and screams and rubs herself against the drawer where all of her brushes are.
Roach doesn't purr when he combs through her fur, but feeding her bits of cheese every time she gets too annoyed helps and like a miracle Jaskier manages to brush a cat-sized pile of loose fur to show for his efforts. He gives Roach the last piece when he has finished and tries to pet her, but she sprints away from him with an annoyed meow.
Maybe Roach doesn't hate him as much as he thought after all.
The Way to a Man’s Heart Goes Through His... Cat? Ch3
AO3
As much as Jaskier adores the fact Roach seems to warm up to him, there's one thing he can't stand.
<I think the cat is planning to kill me>
<why>
Jaskier snaps a picture where all that's visible are glowing eyes in the dark, staring down at him and sends it.
<She keeps staring at me>
<And tries to sleep on my face>
<And licks my hair!>
<She won't let me drive her away>
<help>
<Maybe she secretly likes you>
<Then why won't she let me touch her?>
<I have to hide under my blanket so she won't eat my hair>
<yeah, i'm with Essi, you're on your own>
<think of it as a free haircut>
<Firstly eww>
<Secondly how can you be so cruel>
<Have you no mercy for my luscious locks???>
<absolutely none>
<screaming emoji>
<you are horrible friends>
<good night Jaskier try not to die>
<good dying>
<when you don't hear about me in the morning you will regret those were your last words to me>
<your thesis supervisor will drag you back from the grave to finish your thesis>
<don't remind me I'm trying to sleep!!!>
<sleep tight don't let the type errors bite>
<I hate both of you>
<kissy face emojis>
<zzz>
The morning routine is something Jaskier has learned to both love and hate. His alarm rings at 8 like every morning and like possessed Roach jumps on top of him and screams.
"Mmmm yeah, I'm awake, Roach..." Jaskier mumbles and tries to sleep just one more minute. Roach is having none of it. She runs over him, to the door and screams bloody murder and jumps on top of him again.
"Please... Roach... just two... minutes..." Jaskier tries to bury his head under the blankets but Roach walks on top of him and screams again.
He walks downstairs to feed Roach who keeps screaming and thrilling until her bowl is full and walks back up to brush his teeth.
Roach doesn't take long until she demands to be let in the bathroom, scratching and meowing making her demands known.
"One of these mornings I will get to brush my teeth in peace," Jaskier sighs as Roach curls herself into the sink. This is not one of those mornings.
He checks his phone over morning coffee and is surprised to find a message from Fiona so early.
<Help me out>
<Sure, swallow. What do you need?>
Fiona sends him a picture of her math assignment.
<What is it you're having trouble with?>
<I don't understand anything.>
<I asked uncle L but he was no help.>
<I usually ask uncle E but he's not here>
<What do i do?>
Jaskier looks at the math over and starts to explain it in detail. It's somehow endearing how much trust Fiona puts in him and he does not want to ruin it for her. Not that third-grade mathematics is hard, he suspects 'uncle L' just isn't that good at explaining things.
He can't help but venture to reread a different conversation entirely while he waits for Fiona to finish.
A picture of Cat Dad and Fiona. And actual texts after it.
<how is roach>
<She's very fine! Quite vocal about what she wants but still lovely!>
<good>
<let her outside>
<she enjoys it>
And on another day:
<thank you for the pictures>
Then another selfie with Cat Dad and Fiona, this time taken by Cat Dad. He is very bad at taking selfies, but somehow even that is endearing, despite the man looking like he's a member of a biker gang with the beard and all of the black leather. When he got the first picture, he hadn't even noticed. He had been too distracted by... other things. Jaskier really shouldn't feel this giddy just looking at a picture. Just rereading the texts. But he can't help himself.
<i like seeing roach happy>
The man is clearly crazy about his cat. And what's hotter than a person who loves their pets to the moon and back. Nothing, if you ask Jaskier.
<I'm glad you like the pictures! Like I told you, I'll send one or two every day!>
<tell me before you run out of cat food>
<i know a person at a pet store>
<dont feed her too many treats>
<I won't, I promise>
What Jaskier doesn't tell is feeding the cat cheese every single day to get her brushed. Little treats never hurt anyone.
Fiona sends him a picture of finished assignments.
<Very good! You did it on your own, I'm very proud of you!>
<Thank you, MrJ!!>
Jaskier thinks he will melt. While being a tutor wasn't in his job description he doesn't really mind. To him, it's evident what Fiona wants most of all is company and support and he's happy to provide. The family she's staying with is trying their best, Jaskier is sure of it. But from what Jaskier gathers through Fiona's texts, they don't seem to have enough time to look through her school work as much as she wishes they would.
How can two people he's never even met manage to occupy most of he's thoughts?
***
Jaskier has barely put the first forkful of instant ramen in his mouth when he hears the door open.
"Geralt, it's me!"
Jaskier scrambles to meet whoever just walked through the locked door using their own key, what the fuck.
"H-hello...?" he manages to greet through a mouth full of food before he even sees who it is.
Jaskier is not one to be intimidated nor is he one to be at loss for words.
Somehow, the woman in front of him manages to do both. She's gorgeous, her raven hair falling in curls over her shoulders, violet eyes staring straight at him like he's a piece of cheap meat and suddenly Jaskier is keenly aware of wearing nothing but pants and an undershirt, his hair a ruffled mess, hands covered in ink, pencil and pen marks.
"You're one of those... trainees. Melitele forbid, what sort of trash does Geralt drag in here, why aren't you with the old wolf?"
Jaskier opens his mouth to answer but is immediately interrupted.
"No, don't answer that. Where is Geralt, I need to talk to him."
"I... um..." Jaskier gets the feeling this is a person who gets what she wants. She quirks an eyebrow at him expecting an answer and when none come she sighs, a dramatic gesture Jaskier is not sure he could perform better even if he tried.
"Where. Is. Geralt?" she asks like he's an idiot and Jaskier things at this moment he really is.
"He, um... is not here?" Jaskier tries his best. He does. But something about the woman, no matter how beautiful she is, radiates power, like she could crush him without even blinking an eye.
The woman eyes him, up and down and glances behind him to the kitchen. And smiles. It's a small amused quirk of her lips, one that makes Jaskier spin around immediately only to spot Roach sitting on top of his papers, meticulously dropping every single pen to the floor.
"Roach, no!"
Roach meows and jumps down from the table with a mrrrp. She trots to the woman and rubs herself against her legs before she jumps up to her scratching post to stare at them.
Jaskier kneels to collect his pens, muttering curses under his breath.
"You know Roach."
"Um, yeah?" Jaskier mutters as he crawls deeper under the table to reach the pens.
"Soooo, witchers, huh? Interesting topic of research."
Jaskier hits his head on the table.
"Yeah... yeah I. I know it's not the most conventional one but I do find it quite fascinating especially when you look at all of the historical songs..." Jaskier crawls from underneath the table and is met with the woman standing next to him and suddenly he's keenly aware of being in his underwear on his knees on the floor in front of one of the most beautiful women he's ever seen.
He blushes.
He's sure he's never blushed as much as he is right at this moment and he honestly wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole.
"You're not one of the trainees," the woman says eyeing him, amusement still lingering on her lips.
"No, I'm not," Jaskier admits and tries to get to his feet in a somewhat dignified way. He fails and all of his pens scatter to the floor again. "Fuck..."
"And who are you then?"
"I'm the cat-sitter. Julian." Jaskier gives himself a mental slap. He is an adult person why does he introduce himself like a toddler? "Can I please go put my trousers on?" he pleads. Maybe clothed he'll have a chance to be on equal grounds with the woman.
"Sure."
A few minutes later he comes back down, fully clothed this time, to find the woman sitting by the table and reading his scribbles.
"Um, hello?" Jaskier greets the woman again. She looks up but does nothing to stand up to greet him in return. "Julian Pancratz, the cat-sitter." Jaskier extends his hand to her and she takes it.
"I'm Yen. Geralt is my-... we're... friends. Now, where has that grumpy bastard gone?" The woman - Yen answers and looks at him expecting an answer immediately.
"I honestly don't know, he only told me it's work-related. I've never even met him. I was recommended by a friend of his who is also a client of mine. He occasionally answers the texts I send him, maybe you could try to reach him by phone?"
"He answers your texts? What did you do, enchant him?" Yen sounds honestly baffled and it makes Jaskier feel bad. She obviously has some sort of history with the Cat Dad so the least he could do is answer her.
"He only answers every now and then. I don't think it was even his idea to reply."
Yen smiles, a true smile this time, not just an amused quirk of lips, "You're probably right." She picks up one of the papers again and taps it, "Ever met a real witcher?"
"No, I haven't. I've just always found the stories interesting... I have plans for real research for my doctoral thesis as soon as I manage to finish my master's degree, I just need to get around to figuring out... well pretty much everything outside of the basic structure. I already know all of the material by heart, it's just... just look at this, how can someone write something so vile about people who work to keep us safe from monsters? And this here..." Jaskier rummages through the piles of papers and pushes the ones he meant on Yen's hands, not waiting for her to answer. "And look, I even came up with this account of someone killing a witcher after he had finished a job for them, just the audacity of it all!" He glances up at Yen, suddenly keenly aware he is probably either boring her or making her uncomfortable with all of this talk about monsters and monster hunters. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't bore you with this..." He reaches to take the papers from Yen's hands but she holds them out of his reach.
"No, you're not boring me at all. Please, tell me more about your current paper?"
Yen proves to be a far better company than Jaskier first thought. At the end of their discussion and a few cups of tea later, Yen turns the conversation back to him.
"Why do you live here? Wouldn't it be easier to write in your own place?"
"Oh, you know, roommates..." Jaskier mumbles, avoiding Yen's eyes. No way in hell is he going to tell a complete stranger he sleeps in his friends' sofas and in the musicology society's guild room at the uni when he can't find anyone to room him between jobs. His parents already think him a failure, no need to add a complete stranger to the mix.
"Hmm," Yen agrees and stands up. "I feel I have held you long enough. Good luck with your thesis. Here is my number, call me if you get into any trouble while you're staying here." Yen scribbles a phone number on the edge of one paper with a bright red pen she picks up from the floor.
"Um... what trouble?" Jaskier asks, suddenly wary. "I have only told one person the address like was the deal? I haven't told them anything else, I'm not in danger, right? This isn't some mob bosses hideout or something? I'm in trouble, aren't I? Melitele's tits, Essi will kill me..."
"Calm down, no trouble. Just... if anything comes up, like bills or something and you can't reach Geralt. He can be unreachable for days." Yen smiles at him, an uneasy smile, not quite reaching her eyes.
"Oh, okay, yeah, that's. That's good..." Jaskier feels so stupid. Not only has he managed to be half-naked while Yen walked in, but now he has also made a complete ass out of himself.
"Take care of Roach," Yen says as a goodbye and walks out of the door. Jaskier rushes to say goodbye but when he reaches the door, she's already gone.
Come night Jaskier is surprised how much he has managed to work on his thesis. Talking about it with someone made writing so much easier, even when most of the talk was him ranting about the unfair treatment of witchers which will never end up in the final paper.
He grabs something to eat before bed and spots Roach. She sits facing the front door, waiting for someone to walk through it.
It breaks Jaskier's heart.
Roach has done it every night, giving up only after Jaskier has gone to bed to crawl on the other side of the bed to stare at him.
Jaskier snaps a picture of Roach and sends it despite the late hour.
<Roach misses you>
Jaskier doesn't expect an answer.
<tell her im sorry and i love her>
That. That is too cute. Jaskier can't handle it, he just can't.
"Roach, your owner is a big old sap and he wanted me to tell you he's sorry and he loves you, okay?" Jaskier tells her from a respectable distance away. Roach looks at him and meows pitifully.
"I know, girl. I'm sure he misses you as much as you miss him. Come on now, I'm going to bed, you can come and stare at me until I fall asleep."
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski, Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion
Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Female Jaskier | Dandelion, wlw Jaskier, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Rating May Change, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Minor Jaskier | Dandelion/Original Female Character(s), this may seem straight, but i guarantee both geralt and jaskier are bisexual disasters
Summary:
Geralt stares at the girl riding in front of him, talking about—something or another, he isn't sure what. He'd stopped listening hours ago. He's desperately trying to wrap his head around the current situation, around all of this, and especially the girl.
Julia, as she'd been introduced.
Geralt is pretty confident she'd been under the influence of drugs the day before. The glassy look and dopey smile she’d had is nowhere to be found anymore. Not since the early hours in the morning when they had left the opulent mansion the girl had presumably called home until yesterday.
He had expected resentment, anger, apprehension. Anything really but whatever this is.
The girl seems almost... happy.
OR
The arranged marriage fem!Jaskier AU absolutely nobody asked for.
Eey I wrote another fic instead of finishing my wips. I hope you enjoy!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Hidden by the Forest
Chapter one, in which Geralt finds out the bard he's been travelling with isn't what he thought
Read here in Tumblr after the Read More or in AO3
***
“Geralt, please, I... can... let me explain, please...” Jaskier’s voice wavers and he takes another step back. Geralt strengthens his grip on the blood-soaked sword still in his hand and glares at Jaskier. At who he thought was Jaskier but is clearly something else.
“What have you done with Jaskier?” His voice comes out as a savage snarl, his teeth clenched together, every muscle in his body tense like he’s a string pulled tight, ready to snap even at the smallest sign.
“I am Jaskier. Geralt, please, you have to believe me...!” Jaskier’s voice hitches as Geralt takes a step closer stalking towards the bard in slow steady steps careful not to startle the bard before he’s close enough to strike.
“Where’s the real Jaskier?”
***
Jaskier stares at Geralt his eyes shining just a bit brighter, a bit wilder, an unmistakable tinge of chaos radiating from him. “Geralt...” Jaskier starts but is silenced by a feral growl rising from Geralt’s throat. Jaskier puts his hands up in surrender and takes a step back and Geralt can smell the stench of fear radiating from the bard. “Geralt, please, I... can... let me explain, please...” Jaskier’s voice wavers and he takes another step back. Geralt strengthens his grip on the blood-soaked sword still in his hand and glares at Jaskier. At who he thought was Jaskier but is clearly something else. “What have you done with Jaskier?” His voice comes out as a savage snarl, his teeth clenched together, every muscle in his body tense like he’s a string pulled tight, ready to snap even at the smallest sign. “I am Jaskier. Geralt, please, you have to believe me...!” Jaskier’s voice hitches as Geralt takes a step closer stalking towards the bard in slow steady steps careful not to startle the bard before he’s close enough to strike. “Where’s the real Jaskier?” The hurt, the betrayal burns in his veins stronger, brighter than the potion he took, overwhelming his senses, making it impossible to focus on anything but the creature who tricked him, who must have done something to his bard to be able to masquerade as him so easily, without even the slightest vibration from his medallion lying on his chest. “I’m right here, just... just let me explain, please...!” ”Shut up!” Geralt swings his sword. It seems like time slows down. Jaskier’s eyes widen in fear and he jumps back just in the nick of time from the path of the sword. Geralt curses at his impatience, he should have taken a step closer but now he surges at Jaskier. Jaskier — no, the creature stumbles backwards to flee and Geralt feels bad just for the tiniest moment for killing a fleeing man. But before he has the chance, Jaskier turns around and is gone. His sword connects with a tree with a thunk but he yanks it off as he scans the area around him. He senses no one. Like the bard — the creature — disappeared in thin air but he knows that to be impossible. No creature can do that and there was no portal. It feels like his blood is boiling, his heartbeat faster, the potion he took before the fight with the monsters now lying dead around him heightening his senses, making every sound in the forest sharper, louder. But none of the sounds belongs to the... to the creature. No steps in the forest floor, no humming or talking. No heartbeat. Like the bard was never there. ***It takes a few years before he sees the bard... the creature again. He travels far and wide, across the Continent and he tells himself he’s just going from one contract to another. Still, he ends up in Oxenfurt. And in Lettenhove. He learns things about Jaskier he’s never learnt in the years they travelled together. Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove, a professor in Oxenfurt academy. He also hears some whispers about Redanian Secret Service but never learns the source of those. Considering the frequency they previously ran into each other, now it’s a series of near misses. Geralt reaches a town, a village just hours, days, weeks after the bard. Or later hears the bard came after he was gone. Every time he hears something about the bard the anger he felt the moment he realised the bard had lied to him seems to seep lower, deeper, coiling around his heart. The hurt, the betrayal follows him even into his sleep, into his dreams and he thinks sometimes he can hear the bard sing. First in his dreams. But then he thinks he hears it when he’s awake as well, a quiet tune just out of reach. He should have noticed. ***A group of wraiths, nothing he hasn’t handled before. Only he miscalculated. There are more wraiths than he thought, more wraiths the villagers told him about and they have him pushed back to the edge of the forest. He’s getting tired, slow. Suddenly, he’s being pulled back with a hard yank right into the forest. Without a thought, he slashes at whatever grabbed him before he even looks but the cry he hears stills him, freezes his heart with its familiarity. “Don’t kill me!” Jaskier- no the creature who looks like Jaskier cries holding his free hand up the other clutching his side. “... not yet... you won’t... you won’t find your way out of here if you do...please...”“What the fuck do you want?!” His voice is a low growl, the potion he took making it even lower, wilder. Monstrous. “I... I just wanted you to be safe...” Jaskier... the creature tries to get up. Geralt’s silver sword is on its neck in an instant, pressing down. Something inside him screams so loud he has to force himself not to listen, not to listen to the voice which tells him to rip the impostor apart, take his betrayal and anger on the defenceless creature lying in the ground in front of him. “Okay, yeah... I’ll stay down so... could you please not run me through with the very scary sword, maybe?” Jaskier babbles, his eyes focused on the sword pressing down on his throat. Geralt listens to the forest around him. To the sounds he should hear, the wraiths, the animals, the wind in the trees. But he hears nothing, the eerie quiet surrounds them like a blanket even his sharp senses can’t penetrate. He keeps his sword at the hollow of Jaskier’s throat and scans his surroundings. Everything looks... off. He’s been in plenty of forests but never in any that looks and sounds like... this. Muted, filled with ancient magic, impenetrable, not even a small path in sight. “Where’s this?”“We’re still in the same place,” Jaskier starts but yelps as Geralt presses his sword harder on his skin, “Ah! I mean technically speaking, of course, we haven’t travelled anywhere, we’re just... hidden by the forest... so to speak...” Jaskier falls quiet and looks behind Geralt his lips pursed. Geralt doesn’t hear anything, but he can’t help but look behind himself, at what looks like an impenetrable forest. “Take me back.” He orders the bard, pressing his sword down hard enough to draw blood. “No.” The bard shakes his head, a stubborn glint in his eyes, “I’m not letting you out there to get killed. We just have to wait until the sun rises.” “I could just kill you now and be done with it,” Geralt growls his anger flaring up again. “No!” For the first time Jaskier... the creature looks actually scared. But instead of looking like he’s scared for himself, he looks like he’s scared for him. It doesn’t make any sense and it makes even less sense when the creature continues, “no, you won’t find your way out of here without me. And I’m not saying this do diss your witcher senses or anything. You don’t know what this place is, what will happen if you’re left on your own in here. It might be days, weeks before you find your way out. If you do. Please, Geralt. I just want you to be safe.” “How do I know you’re telling me the truth?”“I’m...” Jaskier makes a face like he’s trying to figure out what to say to get out of being killed by an angry husband before he completely relaxes and closes his eyes, “Just... just let me show you, okay? I promise I’ll let you out in the morning and after that, you’ll never have to see me again.” “Hmm.” Geralt watches the creature in front of him, how it looks like Jaskier, up to the mannerisms and tone of voice. If he didn’t see the unmistakable wildness radiating from the creature he would have thought it was his friend in front of him. When he removes his sword from the hollow of the throat of the creature he can see the unmistakable burn of silver on its skin, driving away any last thoughts it might have been his friend in front of him despite everything. Jaskier’s shining blue eyes open and stare at him in wonder before he gets up slowly. Geralt doesn’t let go of his sword, ready to strike in a moments notice if the creature decides to do anything. But all the creature does is to lift its hands making a triangle out of them. The movement sends a coppery scent in the air alerting Geralt to the fact it’s injured. The hand Jaskier used to clutch at his side is dyed red with blood. Panic surges through Geralt, drowning the anger underneath it and he realised with a painful clarity he can’t bear to watch the bard die even if it’s not really him, even if the creature is just using the bards face to throw him off he can’t kill it. Not while it wears that face. “Look through my hands, you should be able to see to the real world.” Geralt peers through Jaskier’s fingers at the wraiths still swarming the edge of the forest. “See?” Jaskier asks. Geralt hums as an answer and Jaskier drops his hands to his side and leans against a tree his eyes falling closed. ”You're injured, ” Geralt says startling Jaskier to open his eyes. He looks at his hand, covered in blood and laughs in what sounds like self-mockery. ”Yeah... Yeah, I suppose I am. I just need a bit of rest. Sunrise should be in a couple of hours or so, I'll just close my eyes until then... You can do whatever, just... don't stray too far...” Jaskier closes his eyes and slides to sit on the ground pressing at his side with his hand. Geralt looks at him in wonder, at how relaxed and unguarded he is in the presence of a monster who was ready to slay him just a moment before. He looks at how his lips start to turn pale and then a tinge of blue. “It’s almost dawn.” Jaskier opens his eyes and looks up at him a tremble in his voice, “do you just plan to stand there and stare at me for the rest of the time? You’ve been up to it for quite a time by now you know? I’m not going to run away if that’s what you’re worried about. Couldn’t even if I wanted to to be honest. Have to collect my strength a bit more for that and by then you’ll be far gone I would assume. Or is it my good looks you want to rest your eyes upon? If it’s that then, by all means, go ahead...”“Shut up, Jaskier,” Geralt grunts and kneels by the bard. By the creature. “You’re injured, let me see.” Jaskier lifts his doublet and chemise with trembling hands. The wound on his side is deep and angry looking, veins turned black with poison on the edges. And against all the odds the bleeding has significantly slowed down, the wound starting to close. ”It’s starting to heal but we still need to bandage it.” ”Don't worry about it. I won't die before sunrise...” Jaskier falls quiet closing his eyes again. ”Probably... I hope...” Without a word, Geralt takes off his armour and shirt. He crouches next to the bard and rips up his shirt folding up the cleanest part against the wound and binds the rest around the bard in careful practised movements. Despite his anger, despite feeling betrayed and wound, he still can't let the creature carrying his friends face die. ”Thank you, Geralt. Truly.” Jaskier’s eyes close and it doesn't take long for him to fall asleep. Geralt sits down next to the creature. If he has to be stuck here for a couple more hours he might as well get some rest. But rest is the last thing he gets as the creature moans in its sleep, clearly in pain. He keeps a close eye on the symptoms of poison clearly plaguing the bard, ready to wake him up if it starts to look like he will not survive without further treatment. He doesn't want to look too deeply into the anxiety he feels. Into the desperate need to reach for the bard every time he makes a pained noise, into the need to do anything in his power to make his pain to stop. So instead he stays still and silent, watching. ”Oh, Geralt? Is it morning?” Jaskier stirs as the sun has already risen high in the sky. His eyes are still glassy with fever but the worst seems to be over. Geralt doesn't want to think why he didn't wake the creature up at the first rays of sunlight. It didn't matter. The creature was awake now. ”Here, I'll... I'll let you out and you'll never have to see me again...” Jaskier climbs to stand on shaky feet, taking support from the tree behind him. He moves a branch to form an archway and gestures towards it. ”You can look before you go to make sure it's the right place. Just... walk through and you'll never see me again.”Geralt sheaths his sword and takes a step closer to the bard. He only intends to look through the archway but the bard... the creature seems to take it wrong and reaches to give him a hug. Jaskier feels still a bit hot to touch as Geralt wraps his arms clumsily around the bard as if his hands don't know any other action they could make. ”Thank you. For being my friend. For everything. Try not to die, okay?” Jaskier leans heavily against him, his face pressed against the hollow of his throat, every word tickling his skin. ”Hmm...” Geralt doesn't know what to say so he says nothing. It doesn't stop Jaskier from babbling on as the real Jaskier would.”You really were a great friend. Always looking after me. Deep down you do care even if you won't admit it and that's what's great about you. The caring I mean. You always get paid too little because you don't want to burden the people too much and you always did the silly things I asked of you. And I'll write more great ballads about you even if I'm not there to see them, I'm sure someone will tell me about your heroics...”Jaskier rambles on and Geralt’s sure the bard- the creature doesn't even think about half of its words. ”What happened to the real Julian Pankratz?” Geralt tries his luck as the creature seems to be halfway back to sleep. He needs to know where to find him. To be united with his friend again (which is a thought he will look further into another day). He tightens his hold on the creature just the smallest of amount, just to make sure it doesn't run away. ”He's dead, ” the bard mumbles into the crook of his neck.
