More Than A Woman
Chapter Two: Stuck In The Middle With You
Synopsis: At the command of Lord Ieyasu, you're now the wife of Lord Yasumasa, who just so happens to hate you... or so you think. Content Warning: 18+, MDNI, swearing, mentions of physical abuse. Word Count: 6k (I'm sorry) Author's Note: Beta-Read by @croquettish <3 sorry for the delay, I fell off. Also Toshiie might be a bit ooc but we're just going to close our eyes and ignore it until I read his main story <3 Click here to read on AO3
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“Dammit, dammit, dammit!”
A nearly uncontrollable rage fills your body as you enter Yasumasa’s chambers, slamming the door behind you.
How dare Lord Ieyasu allow him to yank you up by your hair in front of both the Tokugawa and Oda clans, just to force you into a lifelong bond with the same man?
And not only that, but to have your personal items secretly moved to his castle?
You scan the audience chamber for your belongings, only to find them strewn about unceremoniously on the floor. You only pack the items that were the most important to you — the broken hairpin from your father that you kept for good luck, the book of recipes you started when you first came to the castle, and an obi pin that Umeko and Matsuko gifted you when they first discovered you were a woman.
You were considering taking the broken arrowhead that Ieyasu dropped when you went hunting with the clan for the first time, when you suddenly hear the chamber door slide open.
“What the hells is going on here, woman?!” Yasumasa shouts, shocked to see you in such a frenzied state.
“I’m leaving. Immediately.” You gather your belongings in your old, tattered robes from when you first arrived at the castle. “I’m going back to my family. I refuse to serve a Lord that allows you to grab me by my hair so aggressively and then makes me your little wife!” You step forward, pointing your finger directly at his broad chest.
“You brazen little thing.” Yasumasa pushes your finger away, making you scoff. “You think you’ll actually survive that journey on your own?”
“I don’t care. I’d rather be dead than spend the rest of my days under you.”
There’s venom in your voice, and it causes Yasumasa to take a step back in surprise.
“How dare you speak to me that way, kitchen wench.” He says with a growl, brows furrowed as he blocks the entrance to his chambers with his large frame.
“What do you think you’re doing?” you snarl, clutching your belongings close to your chest.
“You are now my wife, and you will not be leaving these chambers tonight under any circumstances. That is an order you must obey.” He crosses his arms, a dastardly sneer plastered across his face.
Does he want you to hit him again?
“Why?” You know your wail can definitely be heard outside his chamber walls. “Why are you keeping me here against my will? You know as well as I do that neither of us wants this!”
You approach him again, quickly realizing that your smaller body against his frame towering over you is far less intimidating than you realized.
“Is this part of your sick fantasy?” You badly want to spit in his asshole face. “You’re just keeping me here to continue torturing me and keep you satisfied? Why don’t you ju—“
Before you can finish your sentence, he grips your jaw with his strong hand, pressing his fingers into your skin with great force while angling your face to his burning gaze.
“Because this is what Lord Ieyasu desires.” He replies, voice softer but still intense. “I have served him for as long as I can remember. I will never go against my Lord’s orders.”
The skin of his fingers is warm against your cheek, and you feel a tingling sensation rush through your whole body, making your knees feel weak. The way he’s staring at you, his face so close to yours, you could easily get lost in the greens of his eyes…
… but the memory of him pulling on your hair in front of the entire clan causes the illusion to shatter into pieces.
“Touch me again,” you growl, “and I’ll castrate you in your sleep.”
He releases his grip on you, and you quickly back away from his reach, just in case he tries to capture you again.
“Inuchiyo was right.” You look to the doors of Yasumasa’s bedchambers, unable to meet his gaze as you tighten your grip on your satchel of belongings. “I’m not safe here.”
“You’re very safe with the Tokuga—“
“I’m not!” You repeat, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes as you fall to your knees. “And if I’m stuck in here with you… You could kill me…”
Your body crumples on the floor, curling into a ball as the tears uncontrollably stream down your cheeks.
“… or worse.” You cry out meekly.
Yasumasa exhales, running his fingers through his messy hair as your sobs echo through his chambers. He pulls his hand away when he brushes against the spot where you hit him — a tender reminder of how his actions will always have consequences.
He lets your crying fill the silence between you for a few moments.
“I’m not going to touch you.” He finally replies. “As if I’d willingly lay with a woman like you…”
His back slides down the door until he’s seated on the floor.
“You may stay in my bedchambers for the time being,” he continues, “I can sleep in here.”
Despite his attempt at a peace offering, you cannot stop crying, curling yourself even tighter.
He sighs, this time in annoyance.
“Do I need to roll you there?”
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Tonight, Toshiie can’t sleep.
Despite Lord Ieyasu’s gracious offer to host the Oda clan members for the night, Lord Nobunaga had decided to begin the journey back to Owari. There was clearly enough drama going on at Hamamatsu Castle, and Nobunaga didn’t want to be involved in it any further.
The few members of his party had set up camp for the night, gossiping like maids about everything that had gone down earlier at Lord Ieyasu’s dinner.
“Can you believe that servant girl knocked that samurai out cold?” Hideyoshi chuckled, setting up the tarp for his tent. “That friend of yours must be stronger than an ox, Toshiie.”
“It wasn’t very impressive.” Mitsunari rolled his eyes as he closed his book shut. “It would’ve been better if she had killed him.”
That’s something we both can agree on… Toshiie thought, almost out loud.
“What was impressive was that cute maid serving us in the pink kimono.” Hideyoshi continued, the tips of his cheeks flushing bright pink. “Gee… I hope I can see her again.”
“I’m sure we can get you an introduction next time we meet with the Tokugawa clan.” Toshiie grinned, hoping he could see you sooner rather than later as well.
“That girl isn’t good enough for you, Hideyoshi.” Mitsunari sneered, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “You need to marry a woman from a good family who will bring honor to your name, not just a maid who cleans castles for a living.”
“Come on, now.” The monkey flashed a toothy grin at his page. “That’s no fun! Who wants to marry for all that fancy stuff, anyways?”
As the two bickered back and forth about suitable brides to take on the clan’s name, Toshiie excused himself to his tent. After such a long day, he wanted to fall asleep, to forget what he had seen, to forget this day had even happened.
Instead, he’s tossing and turning in his tent, unable to get you off his mind.
The way your smile lit up the hall when you finally saw him for the first time since leaving Kyoto. The way your anger contorted your features when you grabbed that plate and knocked that good-for-nothing samurai over his pompous head. The way your fingers brushed his tears away when he begged you to leave the Tokugawa Clan.
But what sticks with him the most was the way your eyes welled with tears when that drunkard pulled you from the floor by your hair in front of the entire clan.
Then, the image of your father appears, looking down upon him in disappointment.
Toshiie abruptly sits upright in the sheets, his face falling into his hands. He has failed you and your father, and he can never forgive himself.
He should have pushed harder for you to come with him to the Oda Clan. He should have stepped in when you were being attacked in the dining hall.
He should’ve asked you to promise to be his bride.
I should’ve… I should’ve… I should’ve…
He can feel himself spiraling; every decision he’s ever made was the wrong one. His breathing becomes heavy and labored as he tries to hold himself together…
Suddenly, Toshiie stops, lifting his head from his hands.
From his tent, he hears the babbling of a nearby brook.
He opens the flap of his tent, stepping out gently so as not to disturb the others. He gives a nod and a wave to the night guard.
“Can’t sleep. Just need to clear my head.”
The guard nods back, his face illuminated by the bonfire, and Toshiie leaves camp to wander through the dark forest.
The trees are barren from the chill of winter, allowing the moonlight to lead Toshiie through the wilderness. He takes note of his surroundings as he walks — a fallen log on his left, a boulder on his right — to help guide his way back to camp. As he continues onward, what once sounded like a babble gradually becomes the calm rush of water.
The ground below his feet felt softer as he emerged from the forest, the river flowing gently like the one back in Kyoto.
Back when you and Toshiie were kids, you would often sneak away from your chores and go down by the river to play. He taught you to skip rocks over the water’s surface, to keep your balance while hopping on the rocks and boulders surrounding the bank, and even how to swim.
As the two of you got older, you’d often sneak out on nights like this — where the thoughts were running through your head, and neither of you could sleep — and just enjoy each other’s company. Talk about what’s on your mind, give advice on each other’s problems, and just… be yourselves.
At the time, it had meant everything to him. Out of all the other boys in town, he was the one that you cherished the most, the name you called out when you needed help, the one who could always be a lending hand to you and your family.
It’s what made him fall in love with you even more.
Toshiie falls to his knees at the riverside and plunges his hands underneath the surface, cupping them to splash the fresh water across his face. He sighs in relief as his hands break through the water over and over again, washing his silent tears away and cleansing his mind of his anxieties.
He wanted you to be with him. To be safe by his side in Owari. But he wasn’t sure how he could save you from the men of the Tokugawa Clan.
If she were here right now… he thinks as he stares at his rippling reflection, illuminated by the moon’s light, what would she say to do?
He tries to imagine you by his side, your feet slowly sinking into the mud beneath you, patting the top of his head as you used to when you were younger.
He recalls one night, just like this one, when the two of you were dipping your toes in the river’s edge. He wanted your advice on how to help a friend of his — the young man had been helping out at another restaurant in Kyoto, but the owners had been cruel and would beat him for something as silly as adding too much of an ingredient in a dish or stumbling over his words when taking orders.
“He could always come help us.” You had shrugged in response. “We don’t treat our employees poorly.”
“That might be easier said than done,” Toshiie replied, kicking his feet back and forth to make little splashes in the water. “His parents are forcing him to work there with no pay. Something about an unpaid debt…”
“It might be out of your control then, Inu.”
“What?” he almost shouted, turning his head to you so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash. “So you’d just give up completely?”
You reached for your hair behind your back, throwing it all over your left shoulder before separating it into sections with your fingers.
“Sometimes, we cannot interfere with fate,” you explained while braiding the sections of your hair together. “This is his lesson to learn, and it will make him a better man.”
With a huff, Toshiie stood from his seat on the riverbank.
“Fate, my ass!” he argued. “If they hit my friend again, I’m… I’m gonna kill them!”
“Inuchiyo, wait!”
Before he could have marched off into the night to do gods know what, you abandon your braid and grab his wrist with all the force you could muster from your spot on the bank, pulling him back towards you.
“You know as well as I do that violence isn’t the answer,” you said as your grip tightened, your fingernails digging into his skin.
“It should be when my friend is getting hurt!” He shouted, tugging back as hard as he could to escape your grasp. “Do you think I wouldn’t do the same for you?”
“Inu, stop being a dummy!” you shouted before yanking back on his arm with all your strength.
You were stronger than you looked, because Toshiie lost his balance, teetering back and forth on one foot, before falling on top of you.
His hands rested on either side of your head, his knees straddling your hips as you fell back into the grass. Your noses were just inches apart, and he could feel your exhales blowing against his cheeks. Your eyes were blown wide in surprise, your face completely flushed in embarrassment…
He wanted to kiss you so badly. And he almost had.
Instead, he pushed himself off you, backing away instinctively to give you space.
“I’m… I'm sorry.” He muttered as you sat back up. “You’re right. I was out of line.”
He picks up a flat rock from the bank, juggling it in his hand for a moment before twisting his wrist as he throws it at the river’s surface. It skips one, two, three times before diving under the surface.
She wouldn’t want me to get violent… he thinks as his eyes follow the sinking rock, but what other choice do I have?
As he watches the rock skip over the surface, the perfect idea pops into his head.
He knows you won't be happy. You never thought that revenge was worth seeking, especially after the loss of your father.
But at this point, it has to be done. For your sake.
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Tonight, you can’t sleep.
As you lie in Lord Yasumasa’s bedsheets, your mind can’t stop racing. You tried counting each sheep as you stared up at the ceiling, breathing slower to trick your brain into falling asleep, but it was no use. You had too many thoughts that you couldn’t block out.
I should’ve just sneaked away with Inuchiyo when I had the chance, you think to yourself. He would’ve kept me safe no matter where we ended up.
You feel your heart pang as you remember him begging on his knees for you to join the Oda Clan. The only other time you saw him cry was when he learned your father had passed away.
Inu really cares about me… not like the lords of this castle do.
Well, that’s not entirely true; you contradict your own thoughts. Toramatsu always helps me out when I need it and is a good person to talk to. Tadatsugu looks out for me and usually acts as a barrier between me and Lord Ieyasu’s wrath.
Tadakatsu… well, he’s… nice?
You cringe a bit, thinking of all the times he unintentionally made you uncomfortable with his odd outbursts.
At least I get to sleep by myself, you continue. It could be worse. We could be forced to sleep next to each other. Or under the same bedsheets…
You shudder, diving your head underneath the sheets to cleanse yourself of such an awful thought. But as the cotton sheets fell on your face, you inhale a musky, earthy scent that you recognize from earlier that evening.
The same scent you caught from Yasumasa when he grabbed your jaw and pulled you close to him.
The way his warm skin felt against yours comes back to the forefront of your mind, how close his face was to yours as you melted underneath his gaze. Surely, if your faces were any closer, your lips would have grazed against each other…
No, think good thoughts! Think pure thoughts! Don’t think of something so utterly repulsive!
With Lord Yasumasa stuck in your head, you already know it was going to be a long night.
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If not for the sound of Umeko calling your name, you would have never awakened from your troubled slumber.
“Good morning!” she chirps like a bird as you slowly slide the door open. “How did you sleep last night?”
Your hair is in many tangled knots, there are dark bags under your eyes, your face is puffy from crying a good portion of the night, and your sleeping robes are disheveled. To put it kindly…
You look like a mess.
“Great,” you say, hoping your sarcasm cuts through.
Umeko gives an awkward laugh in response. She was probably expecting a totally different answer… You realize, doing your best to rub the last bit of sleep from your eyes.
“Anyways,” she continues, “Lord Ieyasu sent me. He is requesting an audience with you.”
Well, that wakes you up real quick. You raise a curious eyebrow in her direction as she gives you a wary smile back. She knows just as well as you do that he can be terrifying when encountered alone.
You haven’t forgotten what happened the last time you were alone with him longer than usual.
You don’t have to see him alone… right?
“Where’s Lord Yasumasa?” You try to wipe the sleep deprivation out of your eyes as you hold back your yawn. For the first time in your life, you actually wouldn’t mind having Yasumasa with you to make an appearance with Lord Ieyasu.
“He’s already training with the other samurai.” She responds. “I heard they’re moving out to the front soon.”
“Really…” you say, your heart beginning to sink in your chest.
War is hard on everyone, you know that as well as anyone in the castle. Despite your mixed feelings about the Tokugawa Clan, you hate seeing innocent men lose their lives to serve their Lord, whether he was kind to them or not.
“Well, let me know when you’re finished changing, and I will escort you to the audience hall,” Umeko says before sliding the door to your chambers closed.
You try to hold back the groan in your throat, but it tumbles out anyway as you try to make yourself look presentable for your Lord.
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“Good morning, Lady Sakakibara,” Lord Ieyasu addresses you as you bow in front of him at the dais, pressing your forehead against the floor. "I hope your night of sleep treated you kindly.”
You sit upright and nod as politely as you can, given the circumstances. You breathe a sigh of relief as you see Tadatsugu, Toramatsu, and Yasumasa have also joined you. You’re thankful that you don’t have to do this alone.
“So then,” he continues, “as the wife of Lord Yasumasa, there are certain responsibilities and skills you have that are vastly different than your current duties. Unfortunately, most of the women in the castle are…”
He trails off, trying to find the right words to say.
“… rather incompetent, in the skills you need, so my retainers will help train you.”
Oh, great.
“What are these skills you would like me to learn, Lord Ieyasu?” you ask, doing your best to keep him pleased.
“I’m glad you asked.” He smiles, much like a cat after knocking over an expensive vase or taking a bite out of freshly-made people food.
“First is proper etiquette and household management. Tadatsugu will be in charge of that, with Toramatsu’s assistance.”
Okay, seems fair enough… You turn your head to look at the trusted retainers, who smile and nod in acknowledgment.
“In addition, Yasumasa has asked to teach how to fight. He and Tadakatsu will be working together to train you.”
Out of the corner of your eye, Tadatsugu tilts his head in confusion.
“Surely you’re not going to force a woman to go to battle, are you?” His voice is tinged with concern. “There’s no reason for her to–”
You hear a familiar scoff interrupt Tadatsugu from the other side of the audience hall.
“I refuse to have a weak woman as a wife,” Yasumasa says.
Great, you think, staring at the floor, if I end up dead, his training will be the reason why.
“And lastly, your literacy skills. What good is a wife who cannot recite poetry or write letters to her husband?”
Your head snaps up in response.
“Lord Ieyasu, I can read and write quite well, actually.” You say. “My father taught me when I was a young girl.”
“Then we’ll just brush up on your skills to prove if you’re worthy.” Lord Ieyasu shrugs.
Well then, that should be easy to do…
“And who will be instructing me?” you ask, looking around the audience hall, wondering who in all of the castle could possibly help you with reading, of all things.
“That would be me.”
You blink back in surprise, furrowing your brows as you turn your head to face your Lord, who stares back with a smug grin growing over his features.
“And why is the daimyo of Mikawa teaching the castle’s cook how to read?”
“Well, you’re not the cook anymore, are you?” he replies, standing from his spot on the dais, “And I happen to have read a lot of books in my time. I’d say I’m best for the job.”
He has a point. You’ve been in his chambers every night for the past few months to deliver his meals, and you’ve tripped on one too many books laid out on the floor.
“Lord Ieya–”
“What is it, Tadatsugu?” Lord Ieyasu says with a groan.
“Might I offer myself to help her with her literacy skills?” He asks. “You’re already very busy here at Hamamatsu, surely putting such an important responsibility would be too much for you…”
The lord ponders, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and Tadatsugu. A short, huffy breath escapes his lungs.
“Fine. If I am unavailable, Tadatsugu will be your instructor.”
“And has Lord Yasumasa approved of all this?” You glance at him from the corner of your eye to see if he has any objections.
Despite his disdain for me, he probably doesn’t want his wife alone with another man…
“Why would he need to?” He cocks his head as he takes one, two, three steps, and now his frame towers over you like a threat.
You try to think of a reply, but it gets stuck in your throat. As the lord of the clan, he has the final say, after all. He could order you to be put to death, sell you to another clan — hell, he could take you as his own bride, even now after he ordered you to be married to another. He had all the power over you, and you couldn’t do anything about it.
His left hand twitches. You flinch in response.
He glares down at you with a sinister grin. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
You can’t help but be brought back to the last time the two of you were alone in his chambers for more than a few moments.
It was after the Tokugawa clan was decimated by Takeda Shingen's army at the Battle of Mitakagahara. The surprise attack had failed, and even Lord Ieyasu suffered grave injuries.
You remember slapping him out of anger. His irresponsible choices as a leader had led to the slaughter of many members of the Tokugawa Clan, and yet he had refused to take responsibility for it. As a child would, he held his retainers responsible rather than himself.
In retaliation, he had lunged at you, wrapping his hands around your neck with a viper’s grasp.
He intended to choke the life out of you that evening. You remember the feeling of air escaping your lungs, your vision going misty and grey as you clawed against his iron grip. You were so sure you were going to die…
Until you felt his grip go limp against your neck. You gasped for air, and your eyes grew wide, and the first thing you saw was the tears streaming down Lord Ieyasu’s face.
And you had consoled him that night, not with words, but with your actions, like you did when your brother Yahiko would break down in his sleep over losing your father. Holding him against your chest, rocking him slowly until his sobs had settled and his breathing had slowed. Ruffling his wild, blonde hair, scratching his scalp with your nails to relax him.
He didn’t need to say anything else — you knew that if you even mentioned that night ever again, he would publicly execute you in front of the whole clan.
So, ever since that night, you’ve obeyed every order your Lord gave you, doing your best to keep his trust while avoiding one-on-one confrontation.
But you must have been avoiding him too much, because now he’s forcing the two of you together.
“You will start your lessons tomorrow,” he continues, finally taking a few steps back. “Umeko and Matsuko will be taking over your duties from now on. Please help them out today so they will be able to do their best work moving forward.”
You bow in acknowledgment before standing from the ground and making your exit.
“Oh, and one more thing.”
“Yes, my lord?” You ask, turning over your shoulder.
“Do try to get some sleep tonight. You look awful when you’re not well-rested.”
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You spent most of your day training your fellow maids in your daily tasks — primarily preparing meals using your recipes, which you had written down for them to follow once they had finished each dish. You even taught them your family’s recipe for the Absolute Victory Bowl. By the time the sun has set and dinner has been cleaned up, you are absolutely exhausted and not mentally ready to prepare for your new life as Lord Yasumasa’s bride.
But the evening is cool tonight, and you want to take some time to clear your head.
Quietly, you slide the door to your chambers open, tip-toeing out to the veranda. You take a seat on the edge, the cold breeze gently blowing through your hair. You allow your sandals to slip off your feet, the dry grass tickling your toes as you swing your legs back and forth. When you look up at the sky, you see hundreds of stars, and the crescent moon hangs high.
I wonder if Toshiie is looking up at the sky, too… You wonder, feeling a deep ache in your chest. You remember all the times the two of you would sneak out at night just to look at the stars, make your own constellations as you lay together by the riverbank.
Gods, you wish you could go back to that time in your life.
As you release a sigh — of relief or acceptance, you weren’t sure — you swear you can see your breath billowing away in the chilly air. Experiencing the sights and sounds of nature, you hadn’t felt this peaceful since you joined the Tokugawa Clan.
But even when you first walked through the gates of the castle, you were the Clan’s prisoner, just as you are now.
“Woman.”
The sudden interruption makes you jump.
“Are you trying to escape?” Yasumasa asks, arms crossed around his chest.
“N-n-no!” you reply, desperately trying to bring your heart rate back to normal. “I’m just getting some fresh air.” You turn around to see him still in his day clothes.
You could easily slip away…
“It’s late. Come inside,” he said, gesturing for you to follow, “I don’t have time to take care of a sick kitchen wench.”
“I don’t expect you to nurse me back to health.” You turn back around to gaze at the stars once more. “That is not a samurai’s job.”
You can hear Yasumasa begin to say something, but he cuts himself off. He quietly huffs out a breath.
“… that is the job of a husband.” He barely gets the words out. “To ensure his wife is healthy.”
“You’ve never cared before, so why pretend to care now?”
“Dammit, woman…”
You turn around again, and you see Yasumasa pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.
“Then…” he begins, shaking out of his hand, unsure if he wants to say the next part out loud.
“Then what?”
“… may I sit with you?”
You quirk an eyebrow in his direction.
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“Because we clearly don’t want to be near each oth—“
“Oh, for hell’s sake.” Yasumasa interrupts, taking a seat on the edge of the veranda a few feet away from you. Not close enough to touch, but closer than he’s ever willingly been near you.
There’s an awkward silence between the two of you. The breeze blows through the veranda, the curls of his hair flowing gently as he rests his chin on his fist. He’s peeking at you from the corner of his eye — watching, waiting for your next move.
This is one of the few times you can actually admire how handsome he is. He has a strong profile, a nose that complements his facial structure, and you’ve never seen him with dry lips. Luscious, shining golden hair that makes you jealous. Your eyes trail down to where his robes have slipped open, getting a peek at his toned chest…
But it’s unusual for him to be this silent. It almost makes you uncomfortable.
Trying not to bore him too much, you try to think of something to say that will be of interest to him.
“I heard the Tokugawa may be going back to the front soon.” You say, turning your head to focus on the twinkling lights dangling in the sky.
“Who told you that?”
Though you can’t see his expression, you can tell from his tone that he’s surprised.
“Word has been spreading through the castle,” you respond. “It’s not really a secret anymore.”
Your legs stop swinging when you don’t get a response, your gaze trailing down towards your feet.
“War is such a terrible thing.” You sigh as one of your shoes slides into the grass below.
You hear Yasumasa scoff.
“Of course you would think that.” He says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Typical response of a woman who’s spent her life as a kitchen wench.”
“It’s not surprising that a samurai who’s spent his whole life fighting to think otherwise.” You argue back. “You don’t see the greater impact.”
“Does it even matter?” He nearly laughs in response.
“Well, there may be winners and losers, but…” You shrug before you continue, “No matter whose side you’re on, everyone loses something.”
“If you’re so against fighting in wars, then why did you willingly come to work for a clan led by a notorious warlord?”
“I didn’t.”
You face Yasumasa, who gives you a confused look.
“Not willingly.”
“You were forced here?”
You turn your head away as he unwinds his arms, resting his hands on the edge of the veranda.
“Do you not remember why I came here in the first place?” you ask, your legs swaying back and forth once more. “I came here so my brother could stay in Kyoto. He’s barely a teenager. I couldn’t let him go, knowing he’d be led to his death. Someone has to be the man of the household.”
Yasumasa tilts his head in further confusion.
“Your father…?”
“He died in battle.”
Yasumasa stills for a moment, his grip tightening on the veranda’s edge. Then, he nods silently.
“That’s why I came to the castle in my brother’s place, and why you met me as Yahiko,” you continue. “He’s too young to be exposed to the hardships of war. He’s already dealt with enough.”
Once again, silence fills the space between the two of you. Not surprising for what you just confessed, but uncomfortable all the same.
Out of the corner of your eye, you can see that Yasumasa is racking his brain, trying to say something, anything to you. A slight flush creeps over his cheeks as he finally turns to you.
“What you did is a very honorable thing,” he whispers, so softly that you can barely hear it.
You know that what you did can be considered honorable, but the last thing you expected was a compliment from Lord Yasumasa’s mouth.
Still, you take it humbly.
“Thank you, my lord.” You nod, feeling a flow of warmth spread through your body.
Maybe he isn’t so bad after all…
“But also a bit foolish, if you ask me.”
Ah, of course. He couldn’t just keep his vile mouth shut.
“The boy will be joining the front lines eventually; he could have gotten an early start. I could have trained him very well. He could have been the best samurai of the Tokugawa Clan — besides me, of course.”
He sits up straight, proudly placing his hands on his hips.
You roll your eyes, and you hope he sees you do it.
A piercing wind blows through the veranda, causing the skin of your face to sting and your whole body to shiver. You scrunch up your shoulders and wrap your arms around yourself, trying to stop the tremors.
With a sigh, Yasumasa stands up from his spot, wrapping his robes tighter over his exposed chest.
“Come inside now,” he orders, extending his hand out to you. “At this rate, we’ll both be sick for weeks.”
You gingerly accept his hand as he helps you get on your own two feet again. His thumb presses against the back of your hand, and his fingers wrap around your wrist…
You're surprised by how gentle his touch is.
Yasumasa pulls you up close — too close, his strength too much as your socked feet can’t find their grip, and your face collides with the sliver of bare skin peeping from underneath his robes.
You’re frozen in place. Whether it’s from the chilling wind blowing through the castle or colliding with a man’s cleavage, you aren’t sure.
On one hand, his skin is so warm, and you can feel his heart pounding in his chest. His scent, all too familiar to you now, flows through your nostrils. And you were pleasantly surprised with how comfortably his pecs rested against your cheek.
On the other hand, this man literally pulled you up by the hair just yesterday.
You step back from the semi-embrace, snatching your hand away from his grasp. He seems just as shocked as you are, wiping the hand that held yours against his robes in disgust.
“…well then,” Yasumasa mutters before turning on his heel and entering his chambers.
You follow behind him, doing your best to erase the feeling of the warm skin of his chest against yours from your mind.
But even as you lie your head down to sleep, you can’t get over the sensation, sending tingles up and down your spine. You yearn to feel his touch again; even the slightest brush of the hand could satisfy your urge.
What is this feeling? You ask yourself, staring at the ceiling of Yasumasa’s sleeping quarters. You can hear his gentle snoring from the other room, so you know the incident isn’t bothering him like it's bothering you.
There’s something riling up inside of you, and you aren’t sure if it feels closer to a swarm of butterflies fluttering through your chest or getting struck by a bolt of lightning.
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