#ftm!blaine

[writingandsilliness]

Security, Part 1 (Trans!Blaine verse)

NC-17 | Klaine | Blaine Anderson/Glee

Blaine wants to, but dysphoria always wins.

Warnings for dysphoria and internalized transphobia.

Click here

[a-wild-leo-appears]

i couldnt find your ask on your fic tumblr, but your trans!blaine fic is good so far and i really hope you make it into a long (long long) fic because trans fics make me, a young transman very happy :) (also i love long fics which show the characters lifetime, but thats up to you obviously) thanks man <3

So… It’s been a year. I have lots of plans for this fic, I have very little time. I’m so sorry that I haven’t replied or updated. I think about this fic all the time and I have some parts written already. Hopefully I’ll be able to raise it from the dead in the next few months.

The fic in question (that I haven’t updated in a long time, but will someday) is here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6660985

[dreamingkate]

Maternity Jeans

Summary: Pass Verse. Cooper knew his brother was pregnant but he wasn't expecting this. 

Prompt: The Pass 'Verse. Blaine is struggling with body dysphoria and Cooper helps talk him through it. Cooper also puts his hands on Blaine's pregnant tummy and gets to feel the baby kick and move around.

Warnings: FTM!Blaine, pregnancy, body dysphoria 

Of course Cooper knew what was happening.

  His mother had called him sobbing when they found out Blaine was pregnant and he had tried calling his brother or texting him with little more than a one or two word response. Cooper couldn’t help himself; he worried about his baby brother. He worried about him ever since he came out and admitted that he wasn’t a girl. He had even been the one to cut his long hair and help him find a binder online.

  Maybe it was when he moved away. After being Blaine’s ally for so long he had felt abandoned and had ceased all communication with him. It still hurt no matter the reason. 

  Despite knowing that Blaine was pregnant he wasn’t ready to see him. Blaine hadn’t posted any pictures or even mentioned it on Facebook, probably to avoid bullying. 

  Seeing Blaine’s face with that protruding belly shocked him into silence for a long moment before Blaine crossed his arms over his stomach. 

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Just checking on my baby brother and his baby,” Cooper drew his eyes up to his brother’s face and held out a bag. “And bring a present.”

  Blaine’s lips pursed together but he stepped aside for Cooper to step into the room. Piles of baby stuff covered most of the room and piles of baby books and brochures were stacked on his desk. Cooper took a few steps further into the room and his eyes locked on a small, grainy photo.

  “Is this the baby?” He asked, reaching for the ultrasound.

  “Yeah, the doctors say she’s doing well,” a small smile slowly spread across his face. 

  “A girl?” Cooper looked up and Blaine nodded. “You look good Blaine.”

  Then Blaine’s smile completely fell and his stony expression reappeared. He took the ultrasound out of Cooper’s hands and placed it on the desk. “Why are you here again?”

  “I come bearing gifts,” Cooper reached into the bag and pulled out a box of truffles. “Snacks, and…”

  “Maternity jeans,” Blaine said slowly as he pulled out the other item. “No thanks.”

  “Come on Blaine,” Cooper laughed. “Sure, you’re all cute baby bump now but soon you’re going to need them and-“

  “Stop,” tears flashed in Blaine’s eyes and he wrapped his arms tighter around him. “Is this a joke?”

  “No…”

  “Are you going to buy me maternity tops next? Or maybe a dress?” Blaine spat. “Because I’m glowing and my hair and nails are growing faster. Clearly I’m meant to be a girl, this is fucking karma.”

  “Okay, that’s not what I said,” Cooper said slowly. “I mean…you are glowing but…shit Blaine, you’re going to be a dad. Being pregnant doesn’t make you any less of a man. Men become fathers every single day but you get the honor of feeling that baby growing inside of you.”

  Blaine stared intently at the floor. “I’m huge. My hips are growing, my feet ache, my chest…aches.”

  “Have you felt the baby kick yet?”

  “Yeah,” Blaine smiled, gently rubbing his belly. 

  “And all that horrible shit…is it still as horrible when she kicks? When you feel her moving around?” Cooper asked and Blaine closed his eyes. 

  “No, it’s amazing,” he breathed. “But those moments don’t make me feel any less…in the wrong skin.”

  Cooper gave him a small smile before pulling him into his arms and hugging him tightly. “Just focus on the baby. Once this is over you’ll get on hormones. It’ll all be better.”

  “Thanks,” Blaine mumbled into his shoulder. 

  “This baby is going to be so lucky Blaine,” Cooper squeezed him a little tighter. 

  He felt his brother relax in his arms and tears began to dampen his shirt. From the moment Blaine had come to him and confessed that he felt different he knew that his life was always going to be harder. Blaine was going to struggle more than most kids his age but God, he was going to be so much stronger. 

[chaossmagic]

Fic: Proud

Summary: When Blaine wakes up, Kurt's face is the first thing he sees. Part of the FtM!Blaine 'verse. 

Previous Instalments: In a Bind | Knight in a Cotton-Blend Blazer | Honesty

~782 words

When Blaine wakes up, Kurt's face is the first thing he sees. 

It comes into focus slowly as his eyes adjust to the blinding whiteness of the ceiling, the walls, the floor. Bright lights overhead. An annoying beep-beep sound coming from somewhere. Smooth white sheets underneath him and over him.

Oh.

"Hey," Kurt said softly, his eyes wide and blue and happy. "How are you feeling?"

"I think the doctor gave me some really strong anaesthesia," Blaine replied. "I feel like I'm floating."

"I don't think you can go anywhere, sweetie." Kurt laughed. "You'd probably keel right over and I'd have to carry you home. And you're not a light person."

"Are you saying I'm overweight?" Blaine raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Because I actually feel like I have lost a few pounds." 

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Blaine Anderson, you are not making a boob joke right now. But now you mention it...how do you feel?"

"Weird. I keep expecting to feel this...weight, and it's just not there any more. Does that make sense?" 

"Absolutely. You look different, aside from the obvious."

Blaine, with some difficulty, rolled onto his side to face Kurt, being careful of the bandages wrapped around his chest. It was sore, and the tug of the bandages when he moved stung, but it wasn't unbearable. If anything it was a reminder of just how good everything was. 

Blaine's eyes were wide as he asked,"How so?"

"You just look...better. Not that you weren't bad-looking before, of course, but just better. Happier. I can see it in your face." Kurt ducked to kiss Blaine's forehead, the tip of his nose, his lips. "I'm so proud of you. For doing this, and for being who you are."

A lump rose in Blaine's throat; he hastened to swallow it down, to blink back the tears burning at the backs of his eyes, starring his eyelashes.

For years he had struggled with who he was. Telling his parents at 12 that he wanted to be a boy. Telling his parents at 13 that he was gay. Getting attacked at a school dance at 14 both for being gay and daring to wear a tux even though the rest of the world still saw him as a girl. Moving to Dalton and finally feeling comfortable, the boxy blazers and loose slacks hiding the fact that the outside didn't match the inside.

Meeting Kurt and falling in love.

"I couldn't have done it without you," Blaine said honestly.

Kurt pulled back, his lips in a smile. "Yeah, you would have. It might have taken longer, but it would have happened.  Maybe not now, but some day."

Blaine wriggled on the bed, getting comfortable. He was wearing a thin hospital night-gown, and it wasn't very pleasant against his skin. He'd ask Kurt to help him change into his pyjamas, once he'd had a chance to come around properly from the surgery. 

"I like that you have such faith in me," Blaine said, his voice scratchy. "I think I need that, sometimes."

"I really am proud of you, for everything you've done." Kurt replied. "I love you, and I'm really glad that I get to tell people you're my boyfriend. You're so brave, Blaine. Maybe even braver than I was, because you had to deal with two things at once and you did it so amazingly."

"Marry me, Kurt," Blaine said, reaching for Kurt's hand. "I mean it. Maybe not right now, but...some day."

"Of course I will," Kurt answered sincerely. "You barely even had to ask. You have to know by now that I'd say yes, wherever and whenever you asked me."

Kurt was insanely proud of Blaine. Not many people could have done what he did and done it so well. But mostly, Blaine was proud of himself. Sure, he'd had help from his parents, who had so generously contributed the money towards his transition without hesitation, who had supported him through the administration process at Dalton and then McKinley, who had forced the school board to acknowledge Blaine's gender officially on their files when they refused to have him listed as male, and who had paid for his surgery as an 18th-birthday gift to him.

And then there had been Kurt, without whom he probably wouldn't have had the courage to go ahead with such a big step, even with his parents' support. 

But he was proud of himself for what he'd achieved. He'd reached a milestone, and a big one at that. Countless other trans kids like him didn't get anywhere near as far. He had to count himself among the lucky ones, and he did, every single day. 

[andersfluff]

Til The End Of The Line by anderfluff Rating: G Word Count: 850

Paring: Klaine

Summary: Kurt walks in on Blaine binding

Notes: ftm!blaine and mentions of prejudice and hurtful words. also thanks to rowan for betaing.

“Blaine…,” a familiar high pitched voice rang through Blaine’s ears as he pulled his binder up over his chest.

  Blaine quickly looked behind him and to his right, checking that the doors to his bathroom were closed. “I’ll be there in a second.” He couldn’t let Kurt see him like this under any circumstance. Kurt didn’t know that Blaine was transgender and Blaine was hoping to keep it that way for as long as he could. As long as he bound his chest, got hair cuts when needed, used his packer, and trusted that he and Kurt wouldn’t go further than passionate kissing for a while, he’d be fine. Blaine had complete faith in that and was not going to let Kurt coming to pick him up a little early ruin that. He knew he’d have to tell Kurt eventually, but not now and not like this.

  “Blaine, I’ve seen your hair without gel before.” Kurt said from outside Blaine’s restroom.

The door knob turned and Kurt walked in just as Blaine had gotten his binder on completely, and Blaine froze with fear. “Whats that?”

“Its um…a shirt.” Blaine lied. This was not happening. This could not be happening.

  “7 months, Blaine. We’ve been together for 7 months and because of that I know when you’re lying to me. What is that?”

  Blaine walked through the door that Kurt had not come through and into his bedroom. He didn’t really have a choice anymore. He hated that his choice of when to tell Kurt was being stripped from him, but there was a bright side. At least now he wouldn’t have time to get anxiety over telling Kurt.

  He motioned towards the bed. “You might want to sit.”

  Kurt was confused by Blaine’s suggestion, and his face showed it. Still, he followed what Blaine had said and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his knees slowly.

  “Its…It’s a chest binder.” The words fell out of Blaine’s mouth with so much shame attached to them. He hated his body and he almost hated telling Kurt that it wasn’t shaped like he thought it was just as much.

  “Why do you need that?” Kurt asked. He didn’t understand what Blaine was saying and he wasn’t even sure that he wanted to understand.

  Catching on to this, Blaine threw a blue collared shirt on and tied a yellow bowtie over it before sitting next to Kurt, grabbing his hand and intertwining his fingers with Kurt’s. “Because my body isn’t shaped like most boys.”

  “So you’re…what? A tranny?”

  Blaine dropped Kurt’s hand as the word rang through his ears like the sound of a gunshot. The word was just as prejudice as the word faggot, and he thought of all people Kurt would be the one to understand that. He knew that when he finally did tell Kurt the news might be hard to take, difficult to process. He knew that Kurt could never fully understand what Blaine was going through because he had never been through anything like it himself. However, it never once crossed Blaine’s mind that Kurt would ever say anything so hurtful, so wrong.

  “I’m feeling kind of sick. I don’t think I can go to six flags today. You go on without me. Give my ticket to Rachel.” Blaine said. He was looking down at his feet, where his veins made himself noticeable. It was one of the many feminine qualities Blaine hated about himself, one of the things that made him want to throw up just by looking at it. Blaine always was full of so much rage when he looked at his body. How could whatever had created him mess up so badly as to put him in the entirely wrong body?

  “Did I say something wrong?” Kurt asked, noticing how upset and miserable Blaine seemed.

  “You know, tranny is just as bad of a word as faggot.” Blaine told Kurt, thinking that possibly Kurt was just ignorant to that fact, although he wasn’t quite sure how he could be.

  Immediately, Kurt felt so terrible for what he had said. “Blaine, I’m so sorry. I thought that was what it was called. I didn’t realize that it was so hurtful. I’m really really sorry.” He knew that this was something Blaine may never forgive Kurt for, but he hoped that it was something they could at least move past.

  Blaine nodded slowly. “I know.” He stood up again, standing in front of Kurt. “I’m just no longer feeling up to it today.”

  “Blaine, this doesn’t change a thing, okay? You’re my boyfriend. I know that. You know that. Everyone knows that. The fact that your body doesn’t match your gender means nothing to me.” Kurt promised, hoping that helped and that he didn’t say anything wrong.

  Blaine stood in silence, nodding his head. He was grateful that what had been an ignorant mistake less than a minute ago was now kind words coming from an accepting boyfriends mouth.

  “I love you. No matter what.” Kurt promised.

  “I love you too.”

[andersfluff]

message me if you want to beta my ftm!blaine one shot

[chaossmagic]

Fic: Honesty

Summary: A few months after they meet, Blaine finds the courage to tell Kurt about himself...all of himself. Part of the FtM!Blaine 'verse.

Warnings: Okay, so this one is angstier than the other two and deals more explicitly with issues around social/medical transition and slight references to gender dysphoria.

Previous installments: In a Bind| Knight In a Cotton-Blend Blazer

~1370 words

Before he met Blaine, Kurt had never had a best friend. He hadn't even had a friend, not really, unless you count a love/hate relationship with Rachel and a close-but-not-quite-best-friend-territory relationship with Mercedes.

Meeting Blaine had changed all that, almost overnight. It was so easy to talk to him, to share things with him that he hadn't told anyone else, so easy to trust him and know instinctively that he would never tell another soul, not if Kurt didn't want him to. The list of things they had in common was endless; they were finding new mutual loves and hates almost every day, and it always surprised Kurt just how much like him Blaine was. Here was someone he could really connect to, in a way he never had with anyone else.

Which is why he knew that it was serious when Blaine came to find him after school one afternoon, and told him that they needed to talk. Privately.

They ended up going to Kurt's house, since his dad was at work and Carole was out grocery shopping, and Finn had football practice until six, so the place was empty. Blaine was uncharacteristically silent for the whole drive, didn't even so much as crack a smile when the radio played an old 70s song, one that Kurt knew was one of Blaine's favourites. 

Kurt could feel the tension coming off Blaine in waves as they reached the house and went inside. 

"Do you want something to drink or eat?" Kurt asked, dropping his bag by the door and heading in the direction of the kitchen. Maybe he could try to calm Blaine by giving him something to do. 

"What? No, no thank you." 

"Is everything okay? Really? 'Cause you're kind of scaring me. You've never turned down a soda from me before." Kurt tried to joke, but it came out forced. Honestly, he was starting to worry. Blaine looked a little green and seemed to be avoiding looking directly at him, his gaze moving rapidly from side to side, as if he were watching an invisible tennis game. 

"I have to tell you something," Blaine said suddenly, "and it's really important. But I need to know that when I do, you won't change your mind about being friends with me. I don't want to lose you. As ridiculous as that sounds - God, we've only known each other for, what, four, five months? - I meant what I said when I told you that I really cared about you. I wasn't lying then. And I don't want to lie to you any more about this, either."

Is he going to say what I think he's going to say? Kurt thought wildly, his imagination speeding toward only one conclusion. Please say you feel the same way about me as I feel about you. Please. 

"There's a reason why I came to Dalton." Blaine continued. "And I think that I'm ready to tell you at least part of that reason now. Because I want to be honest with you. You told me everything about you, and it's only fair that I return the favour."

"O..kay?" Kurt prompted, feeling his stomach clench up at the thought of what it was that Blaine was going to tell him. 

"I'm not...." Blaine began, before halting and starting over. "I wasn't born like this. I mean, I was, but I wasn't. It's really hard to explain." 

Seeing that Blaine was struggling, Kurt immediately moved to his side, reaching for his hand instinctively but, realizing that would be a big mistake, settled for closing his hand loosely over his wrist instead. He could feel his pulse racing. His palm, where Kurt's fingers brushed it, was damp with sweat. 

"I'm trans." Blaine said eventually. "I was born a girl. My parents named me Alicia. I never really liked that name, though. It took a while to realize that it wasn't just my name that didn't feel right...." 

"Go on," Kurt prompted. "I want to hear everything. You were so kind, so good to me when I showed up at Dalton, listening to me spill my guts about Karofsky. This is me returning the favour."

"When I was 12, I told my parents I was a boy, and that I didn't want to be a girl any more because it wasn't who I was. That's when I started, you know, transitioning. I begged my mom to let me get my hair cut, and I threw out most of my clothes. I asked to redecorate my bedroom. I changed my name. That's when the bullying started, and....after that, I transferred to Dalton. You know the rest."

Oh, Kurt thought. Oh, Blaine. I'm so sorry.

What he actually said was, "Why Blaine?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you pick Blaine?" Kurt asked. "You know, as your name? Is there any kind of story behind that?"

To his surprise, Blaine went red, colour spreading across his cheeks. He rubbed at his neck awkwardly, a nervous habit. "It's, uh, from Pretty in Pink? You know, the movie? I used to watch it a lot with my mom. It's her favourite movie. And she always said that if I'd been born a boy that that's what she would have named me."

"But you were. Born a boy, I mean. You just had the wrong body."

Blaine laughed, but it wasn't cruel. "Kurt, you do realize that you just repeated what they write in those pamphlets they hand out at PFLAG meetings, right?"

"Should I not have said that? I didn't mean to - offend you, or anything, I just - I want you to feel comfortable. Being yourself. Around me. Because we're friends. Best friends. We are, right?"

Blaine laughed again, shaking his head as if to say, oh, you. The sound was music to Kurt's ears. "Yes, we are. And you're not offending me. I get it. It's a lot to take in, I know that. It's one of the reasons why I waited so long to tell you. I didn't want to scare you off when we were just getting to know each other."

"You haven't scared me off." Kurt said quickly, an attempt to reassure Blaine - but it appeared to have the opposite effect, for his expression fell, noticeable enough for Kurt to mentally slap himself for speaking too early. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"It's okay. I understand if this is...too much for you to take in. I just wanted you to know."

"Blaine, I didn't mean it like that-"

"It's okay, Kurt. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Just...don't cut me off, okay? If you need time - if you need to, um, process this, or whatever - just, don't shut me out afterwards. I want us to be friends."

"We are friends. Don't you get that? It's just - a shock - I don't know anything about this stuff, Blaine. I don't want to say anything or do anything that might hurt you." He nearly added, "because I love you.", but held his tongue at the last moment. 

"I should probably go." Blaine mumbled, casting a look around for his coat, before realizing he never brought one with him. 

"I drove you here. I can take you home."

"I'll call a cab."

"Blaine-"

"Don't."

The sharpness of Blaine's tone, angry and biting, made Kurt stop in his tracks. He had never seen Blaine angry before. Irritated, yes, and annoyed, definitely, but never angry. And it hurt to know that it was because of him, because he'd been careless. 

He wanted to help. He wanted to support Blaine. He just had no idea how.

"I'm sorry."

If Blaine heard him, he made no gesture to show that he had. His words were lost in what felt like a vast, sprawling space that stretched between them, getting larger and larger as he watched Blaine leave, shutting the door heavily behind him. He watched him call a cab from the driveway, watched him wait for it, watched him get inside and the cab pull away with the crunch and grind of gravel under the tires. 

You've really done it this time, Kurt. Now he'll never forgive you.

[chaossmagic]

Fic: Knight In a Cotton Blend Blazer

Anonymous prompted: Kurt sees photos of Blaine from before his transition. FtM!Blaine, same 'verse as "In a Bind". Slightly angstier than IAB, no specific trigger warnings except for general ignorance and misinformation.

~990 words

He should have known that it was a bad idea to show Kurt the old family photo albums.

At the time, he hadn't thought anything of it. It was only later, when Kurt got to the photos of him and Cooper as children, that he'd realized his mistake.

There were photos in there from...before. Before he'd come out as trans, before he'd made the decision to transition. There were, in short, photos of him in there as a girl, photos that his parents hadn't got round to disposing of or replacing yet. 

"Hey, who's this?"

Blaine turned from where he'd been adjusting the books on his shelves to Kurt, who was lying on his stomach on the bed with one of the photo albums open in front of him. He pointed to one of the photographs. "Do you have a sister I don't know about?"

At that, Blaine felt his blood run ice cold, his stomach dropping somewhere in the region of his shoes. He tried to tell himself that it was an honest mistake. That there was no need to overreact And yet - how could Kurt not realize?

"That's me." He eventually says in a quiet voice, staring at his hands. "From before. It shouldn't even be in there - I should take it out -" He was aware of his own voice wavering, faltering on the words, like a toddler with a stammer. 

But Kurt moved the photo album out of his reach, closing it with a snap. He was silent, his expression controlled. Like he was thinking hard about something. 

Then he said, "I'm so bad at this."

"At what?" Blaine asked. What could Kurt be talking about?

"At this, at being your boyfriend! Dammit, I keep saying the wrong things! I don't mean to upset you but I keep doing it. I have no filter. Maybe I should just never talk ever again."

"Kurt, c'mon. It was an honest mistake, really. I don't exactly know what I'm doing here, either. This is a first for both of us."

"It wasn't an honest mistake." Kurt mumbled. "I should've known better. I'm your boyfriend. I'm supposed to make you feel safe and comfortable and yourself, not the opposite."

That, more than the actual photograph, made Blaine feel terrible. Sure, it had been a shock; he hadn't expected it, to be reminded of his old self in such a jarring way, a visual reminder of who he'd used to be - scared and insecure and trapped in a body that didn't belong him. He remembered those feelings well. He hadn't felt them in a long time, not since Kurt.

But it wasn't all Kurt's fault. He knew how hard he tried - to be supportive, to understand, to empathize, to connect with Blaine and make their relationship work, to make it something special. Somewhere along the way, he was going to get it wrong. That's how you learned. Hell, he had made a few mistakes along the way himself, albeit of a different kind. He didn't blame Kurt. It had hurt, yes, and he could still feel his heart beating hard in his chest, his pulse racing under the thin skin of his wrist, but he didn't blame him. 

"Everyone gets it wrong sometimes." Blaine reassured him. "It's a work in progress, okay? It's behind us. Done. I'm fine, really."

Eventually, Kurt sighed. "Alright. If you're absolutely sure, I'll forget about it. But only if you really are okay with me and me big mouth." He climbed off the bed, crossed the room to where Blaine was standing, wrapped his arms around his waist. "I'll try harder, I promise. I just want to get this right, so we can have the best relationship that the entire US has ever seen. A relationship that makes even Beyonce and Jay-Z jealous." Kurt's mouth lifted up in a teasing half-smile. "Do you think we match up to them?"

"Nah." Blaine shrugged. "We're even better."

"You know, you were quite pretty as a girl," Kurt said. "But I definitely like you more this way. The real you.My brave, strong, handsome boyfriend."

"Oh, stop it," Blaine protested, blushing and burying his face in Kurt's neck. He breathed in his smell, hairspray and cologne and expensive clothes, if expensive clothes did indeed have a smell. There was the faint whiff of the moisturiser that Kurt liked to use, and the shampoo that smelled like oranges. He'd always loved the smell of oranges, citrus-sweet and fresh.

"It's true," Kurt replied, matter-of-factly, turning so that his lips were close to Blaine's ear. "I've always thought so, even when I first met you. My knight in shining armour."

 Blaine snorted at the analogy, but felt himself preening slightly under the praise. "I don't know about shining armour. Knight in a navy cotton blend blazer, is more like it."

The sound of Kurt laughing vibrated through him like the tune of a bell, making goosebumps erupt over his skin where it wasn't covered by his clothes. He knew Kurt would be able to feel the extra material of his binder round his chest, and they were close enough that he could probably feel his packer, too. Usually he would feel self-conscious knowing this. Afraid that one wrong move would send Kurt running in the opposite direction. But this time, he didn't. He knew he never had to hide anything from Kurt; it was one of the things he loved most about him, his ability to be completely himself when he was with him, no holds barred. Kurt's own confidence had inspired his. And while he still disliked looking at himself in the mirror - or seeing old photographs of himself from before - he no longer felt such violent hate towards what he saw. 

"Well, you can be my knight in a navy cotton blend blazer, any day." Kurt said, after a short while. "I wouldn't have it any other way."