#fuck comphet

[fuck-comphet]

Hey there, I'm an intersex lesbian trans woman, I saw your pinned and wanted to say that SOME (not all) cis men can be lesbians. That SOME cis men can be intersex. Dont assume that all intersex people identify as trans, some of us identify as cis. I understand your intentions and what you meant in your pinned. But don't forget about intersex people. /g

Hi friend, thank you for your submission! I amended my pinned post to include mention of intersex lesbians because I agree that they (and you) are an important part of our community and I’m so sorry for not having it included in my pinned before now.

To be completely honest, I strongly dislike all of the online discourse around who is and who isn’t a lesbian. There’s no queer police and as a community we should never be policing eachother. I’m a firm believer of respecting and accepting whatever label someone chooses for themselves. If lesbian is the word that most resonates with you and your experience, then you are a lesbian and you are welcomed on this blog.

I hope this response is alright, as always the queer community loves you 🧡🤍🩷❤️

[priorityregistration]

YALL WHY CANT I STOP FLIRTING WITH STRAIGHT BOYS AT PARTIES WTF LIKE THERES NOTHING BETTER TO DO HOW DO I STOP THO I DONT WANT TO LEAD PPL ONNNNNN

[fuck-comphet]

I wanna like men so bad send help

To quote our great lord and saviour, Chappell Roan, good luck babe!

But seriously, as you let go of comphet I hope you also let go of this wanting to fit the heteronormative mould because being a lesbian is truly a beautiful wonderful thing. If I had the choice, I would still choose to be a lesbian; this realization has come about after finally unlearning my internalized homophobia and shame.

You’ll get there! The queer community loves you ❤️🧡🤍💖

[fuck-comphet]

For me comphet looked like setting my dating app preferences to men, because they were the "accepted" option. I thought I could be attracted to them but I never had a type. I tried dating men but kept getting annoyed when they developed romantic interest in me, something about it felt gross and I preferred the way they interacted with me before that stage.

It was only when I did research for a lesbian character I was writing that I stumbled across a video on comphet and it helped me realize that's what it was. Once I let myself be actually open to the idea that I like women I found out that I have SO many types! It was such a shock to learn that I could be attracted to people in that way.

I'm so happy for you friend! It's so great when you can see past the comphet for the first time and it feels like you can actually live the life you want instead of the life that was previously expected of you.

Thank you for sharing your experience of comphet, the queer community loves you <3

[fuck-comphet]

I think i might be a lesbian because too many things from what lesbians say like..respond in me. The masterdoc felt like a personal attack. All the things about anxiety near men and the feeling that het marriage is a burden and that women are genuinely amazing and all. And i really wish i was a lesbian, it seems right. But I struggle with mental and physical illnesses and I don‘t think I‘ll ever be able to have a girlfriend because of it. Because I‘m always tired and depressed, and struggle with basic chores and its not a good thing for the relationship. My friend (a lesbian) said a big sign is whether or not I see a happy future with a woman. The problem is when I think about the future I only see death. And I’ve never had a huge crush on a woman and don‘t think I‘ll ever have. But lesbian feels very right and calming to me. But because of all above I think I’m just lying to myself. Because my friend is a real lesbian, like, she has a girlfriend. And Im just. Lying.

Hi friend, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult mental health time. I obviously don't have a lot of details about your life and your situation but what I can say is things do get better, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

I want to gently remind you that there is no such thing as a "real" lesbian and a "fake" lesbian; sexual orientation is how you feel not what you do. If you are struggling to imagine any future where you are happy, I don't think the deciding factor here is whether or not you are with a woman in that future. Also, I'd say it's super difficult for our brains to develop crushes or think about romance when depressed, so please don't be so hard on yourself for not having had big crushes on women; maybe it's not actually as gendered as you think...have you had any big crushes on anyone, including men?

If labelling yourself as a lesbian feels right and calming to you, and with literally everything you have said about feeling attacked by the masterdoc (we've all been there lol), you can label yourself this way and it doesn't mean you absolutely have to find a partner and fall in love immediately! The last part of your ask, where you say you feel like you are lying to yourself, sounds more like you are actually invalidating your own feelings because you are denying yourself the comfort of accepting your own lesbianism.

I hope you stick around to discover all that the future has to offer, because you deserve all the joy and love in the world. Take care of yourself, the queer community loves you <3

[fuck-comphet]

genuinely. How do I know if I’m sexually attracted to men?

Not gonna lie it took me a super long time to figure out I wasn't sexually attracted to men because I am not repulsed by them like some lesbians are, I'm just....so neutral towards them, like so unaffected and indifferent.

All I know is the first time I had lesbian sex, I felt immense relief at the realization that I never had to have sex with a man ever again. When I am with my partner, I feel like I am actually present and in my body, and I feel joy that I had never ever felt with my exes that are men; like seriously I was always bored or disassociated or uncomfortable when it came to intimacy with men. I just thought that this was normal to feel because of comphet.

One thing I have seen as a way to figure out if you're sexually attracted to men or not (and I forget where I saw this but if I find it again I will credit the original creator) is ask yourself this: if you were alone with a man and no one could know, meaning there is no social approval or power to be gained from being with this man, would you still want to kiss him/be intimate with him? If the only person in the world that could know you did this was you, is that still something you would want?

I know it can be difficult and confusing to figure all of this out but I hope this helps a little bit, the queer community loves you <3

[fuck-comphet]

Sometimes you come out to your ex as a lesbian and you think that the 2 of you finally have the most vulnerable and honest conversation you’ve ever had, and it feels like such a relief to finally take off your mask

And then sometimes that same ex, who prides himself on being a good communicator, leaves you on read for a week and when you finally confront him about it he admits that he is choosing to cut you out of his life (while pre-coming out you had been establishing a friendship)

Sometimes it dawns on you that you have very few people left in your hometown who support you as you are, and even fewer people who understand you; in fact, most people here prefered you before they knew you were gay, including your own mother

So yeah, obviously this environment was never going to allow me the safety to realize I’m a lesbian, and obviously I had to leave this environment to blossom into my lesbianism with people who do see me, and understand me; I feel infinitely grateful that I had the privilege and the ability to do that, and to find my people

But sometimes, all I feel is the sting of rejection from my own home, and the bitterness of knowing how much easier things would be if I weren’t queer

[fuck-comphet]

- Selby Wynn Schwartz, After Sappho

I felt seen in the very first page of this book, and feel grateful today for sapphic literature like this 🧡🤍🩷❤️

“Prologue

Sappho, c. 630 BCE

The first thing we did was change our names. We were going to be Sappho.

Who was Sappho? No one knew, but she had an island. She was garlanded with girls. She could sit down to dine and look straight at the woman she loved, however unhappily. When she sang, everyone said, it was like evening on a riverbank, sinking down into the moss with the sky pouring over you. All of her poems were songs.

We read Sappho at school, in classes intended merely to teach poetic metre. Very few of our teachers imagined that they were swelling our veins with cassia and myrrh. In dry voices they went on about the aorist tense, while inside ourselves we felt the leaves of trees shivering in the light, everything dappled, everything trembling.”