#fuckspunky

[lovekilledus]

Waiting for someone's love all day and them not returning the love you give them is exhausting.

I think I'm done here.

I do t know why try so hard to be a light when it's never even noticed let alone given any kind of reciprocatity

I am tired of being the chaser.

When I jump off the balcony I know you won't follow at least. Feels better being lonely when I'm alone. Worse when I'm not supposed to be.

[lovekilledus]

Something inside me stops me when I try to speak, when I try to freely express anything. Sometimes I feel like the one thing that really was a mistake here. I don't think I'm supposed to be here. I feel as if it wasn't meant to be. If I jump out of a 20 story window would it make a difference? Would the world be better?

Thoughts and ramblings of #fuckspunky

[lovekilledus]

[lovekilledus]

Stop praising my strength.

l've been fighting and forgiving for so long it's exhausting, not empowering!

I've defended and stood alongside the very same people who've broken me.

My loyalty, at times has felt like the punchline.

You may see someone resilient; brave, even.

But you don't know how afraid I've been, how alone l've felt.

If there's a warrior inside me, it weeps. When no one was looking, I shook, in ways that are far from heroic.

l'm torn in two - the half of me that's proud, fights for things the other half believes make me a fool. It's so hard to stay.

Yet, I don't want to leave.

And just because

I didn't walk away doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to rebuild bridges I never would've burned. Im still sewing closed the wounds of painful lessons they had to learn.

I search for encouragement in places with bullet holes shot through it

The same place I kept my pride is the place they left their knife.

l'm sorry, but I'm still bleeding,

and none of this feels like strength to me.

[lovekilledus]