#fuckyes

[luvbvgz]

when the interest you had when you were 10 comes back slower and nastier

[opiumvampire]

too good to go is a cool thing and im glad it exists but sometimes the stuff you get is so funny. i have a bigass loaf of rustic bread as big as my head now. like skyrim ass bread. what the fuck am i supposed to do with it. eat it i guess

[fiddlefartmcfreakit]

year two of celebrating stanford’s birthday

[bigriverdata]

[be-more-silly]

Who up Connor??

(This guy)

[latedawnsandearlysunsets]

[deathhasenteredthechat]

No seriously Wisconsin is like 1) a shithole 2) quintessentially a human trafficking stronghold

Writing a book now too it should be chill it’s on like Beauregards analysis of simulation and simulacrum. Going to go past your expiry date though soooo yeah you’ll never read it probably.

[deathhasenteredthechat]

Nia

So i didnt do yesterday really i dont fuck with the financial day of Kwanzaa but i mean i dont know economics in a holiday like this WHATEVER ok so basically i thought about things and I have some things i processed that if you want to read a big ass text block will make you SUPER happy yerrrrrrrrrrrd.

Ok so basically, im coming to the conclusion that at least here it seems like my purpose has been to try and help as many people as possible, the only problem being is you cant help people that are literally incapable of being helped. I kind of felt lost in that a bit, consciously and subconsciously but i think like this guy i saw that change is here and my purpose is slightly shifting. Im not mad at it and i feel actually not scared about it or anything and i feel really positive about it but to be real its one of those things where its in a transitional phase where it isnt completely clear, but i feel like thats ok. Not everything has to be completely clear for you to have a purpose.

I think, that honestly? Good. I DONT have a defined purpose right now, and that opens so many doors and possiblities that are just infinite and really its cool because it lets me CHOOSE my own purpose consciously. Want to learn to fly? Cool. Want to learn a bunch of cool matter condensing moving crazy cool shit? Cool. OR i could be like the old el paso girl in that commercial and just be like "Why not all of them?"

Basically, my purpose is everything, but nothing, but the duality is really cool because it gives it a balance that I think is something that i DESPERATELY needed. I would just sit on my desktop grinding all day every day waking up hating how I spent all this time on getting these degrees and i mean like i WANTED that shit so bad. I PAID to try and get work, like i REALLY grinded out like every job board everything like i was paying to do like upwork and just fuck girl it was awful. Its like life was just purposely just saying OH HELL NO GIRL YOU HAVE BIGGER BETTER SHIT TO DO and meanwhile i just thought i was failing.

I thought my purpose was just to be in tech no more no less i got the degrees it makes sense im going to work, which i already was working as a dishwasher, but like then software was fucked up and i tried cloud engineering or training for that then BOOM fucking all blew up.

I guess its all this to say purpose isnt necessarily tied to what you THINK it might be it can kind of sneak up on you and just whack you in the face and just then its like OH SHIT THIS IS SOME REAL SHIT and then its just i dont even know. I think my biggest thing is im just happy to have the conscious thought ability that allows me to be something that has more than just a "purpose". I grew up with shitty human traffiker creep fucks who just would say your job is your purpose and i always was like shut the fuck up in my head this is some stupid shit. Oh youre purpose is to do inventory? OH best case im taking tickets to write like a python script to fix peoples shit who have NO conscious thought? Man i thought just what the fuck. THAT isnt a purpose. So it goes back to what even in modern society IS a purpose? Being a useful tool to the capital class to make them rich? Nah fuck that. Thats some slave shit i mean really its LITERALLY slavery and i KNOW i was getting fucked out my checks every time. Im not going to get into that but its just girl.

This has been kind of a weird day, not my BEST day ever but i did think on a lot and i got some Camus' books and just yeah no im going to try reading them and yeah no. All i know is if someone is like if you dont fit something THEY value or some shit and they say you just dont inherently have purpose when you have some shit you want to do? Girl im going to tell you like the real mfs told me the sky ISNT even the fucking limit and the world COULD totally be yours. I dont know fuck it you could even maybe be president? Fuck that really but i mean yerrrrrrrrd? I dont even know. im just saying if you feel you have a purpose that YOU want to have DO THAT SHIT? Dont let anybody tell you shit. Im not saying the weird shit like oh murder is cool but to be real its like nobody for the most part is even going to read 3 words out of this they literally are functionally illiterate but the ones that CAN read? that CAN actually think? Man just you know.

Yeah no i dont know just yeah no i mean i DO know? but its complicated, i have like this therapy thing going on right now every day for my subconscious mind so it can kind of get a break but all i know is when this is all over im going to just go on a new thing and ill have a new purpose. Thats the cool thing purpose isnt a static thing its very dynamic in nature and thats the cool thing about conscious living its always changing and thats part of the fun.

-Medina xoxo