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I ACCEPT CHAOS ‘Cause I know I will win in the end

Pt. I I’ve always dreamt of having a black cat, and LVNA you were a dream come true. Thus, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life was when I adopted you. It was a great 3 and a half years ever since, my little boi, and you will always be a part of me. I will forever think of you and thank you for saving me during, perhaps, the lowest point of my existence back in 2020; you came into my life when I needed you the most and with that, I am so so grateful for those years that we’re together. I love you so much. I love you forever. After all, it was a good life and a good fight with you, LVNA. You’ve been a very brave boi. So run free, my love — up in the rainbow bridge to heaven where there is no more pain. We’ll see each other again someday, that I promise you.

Pt. II Amidst every financial, mental, and emotional mess I have been dealing with at the moment, another bullet to the heart has been made: I am a candidate for retrenchment at my day-job and I cannot put it into words anymore. Every punchline was being thrown at my face and I just have to be strong again today.

Pt. III I have lost so much when I started this year. What a cruel January. I miss my cat every day. I was at my wits’ end when I ended this month. I am so confused right now. I am a candle in the wind. And the only saving grace maybe were the times when I escape and try to still see the beauty in little things. God, I want my fire back, I want to break free. I am at that age wherein all I ever want is peace and calm, but somehow chaos always finds its way to me. But I am built different, I believe. I would feel every single sting of pain, walk through fire, might end up half my weight, but I will stand still in the end — because every fucking chaos in my life right now shall pass.

*** 35mm Fujifilm C200 January, 2024