Hard times ...
This is one of the hardest posts I've done so far ... the last two days have been rough ... some days are easier than others but the last 48 hours are the roughest we've had! The last round of chemo has literally flat catted Ben he is battling with mouth sores now and is weak and fatigue has taken its toll. His eaten pattern is worse than ever and it's taken its toll on him ... and me! I'm literally at wits end thinking up concoctions that are edible but nutritious as his body has now decided fruit doesnt agree with him so there goes that option. I've tried the mash thing plain rice plain pretty much anything ... it's not working! My heart breaks for him watching him get sicker and sicker and there is not a damn thing I can do to help him! This is tough! I used to always say losing someone quickly is harder than if you should lose them to illness ... boy was I wrong! Watching someone get weaker and sicker and become a shadow of who they were is hard! Ben is in constant pain ... and he tries so hard to be brave and not let me see it but I know him well enough to know when he is in immense pain!
Buuut the battle continues ... I will find a way to get him to eat ... and make him strong again ...