inspired by the duality of insecurity and appreciation, and the way they often reflect each other in ways you wouldn’t expect
do i already have a fic called day and night? i dont know and at this point im too afraid to check
akaashi keiji x gender neutral reader
word count: 1356
tags: fluff, descriptions of akaashi’s insecurity, established relationship, cuddling, this is a fic about me and akaashi
if u see any typos no u didn’t.
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He hated the way his mind became so empty in moments like these.
The bedside lamp shouldn’t be on, not so late, not while you were sleeping, but you never complained when you heard the flip of the switch and the opening of Keiji’s book. You slept through it. You tended to do that.
Why?
He couldn’t figure it out. The reason you looked over everything he did wrong hid from him. It made no sense, really, the way you ate his over cooked meals with a straight face, or how you patiently undid the way he folded your clothes and fixed them to your liking, or when you slept with the light on while he read even though he knew you hated it.
You hated it. His cooking and his folding and his light, his mismatched socks and his new cologne and his impatience. Keiji sat, and he watched you sleeping, his book in his lap and his glasses sliding off the bridge of his nose, knowing you hated all of these things about himself that he wouldn’t change, and still, there wasn’t a thought going through his head. His book had been forgotten. He was just looking at you.
You put up with a lot. Likely too much. His alarm clock woke you up early while he slept right through it. Texts you send throughout the day go unnoticed by him. Late nights at work keep you up and waiting for him, just to watch him lock himself up in his office for another three hours of work.
It wasn’t like these traits about him were new, but they were louder, now. They were blaring and obvious and bothersome and every positive thing he brought to this relationship seemed so goddamn quiet.
That’s how Keiji felt. Quiet. It wasn’t an emotion, yet it was the only word he could think of to describe this insignificance. Maybe fragile was a better word.
He closed his book. He placed it on the nightstand and let his glasses join it. Finally the light could be turned off, and maybe you would sleep more peacefully now. He threw his arm over your waist and pulled your back against his chest, trying to rid all of that distance, trying to fill the silence with your warmth.
He’d lay awake for another hour.
-
You heard it before your mind and body even woke up, and you knew what it was without needing to come out of your dream: that damn alarm.
God, was it loud - it pierced your ears, it seemed loud enough to shake the walls and damage your hearing, and maybe it was because you had just woken up, but you could hardly stand it.
Opening your eyes was the hardest thing you had ever done. Everything was fuzzy and foggy, you tried to blink it away but you couldn’t, and all you cared about was getting rid of that noise.
You climbed over a still sleeping Keiji to reach his phone and shut it off, knowing that the alarm would ring again in ten minutes time, and your energy had run out. You collapsed on top of him, the crook of his neck becoming your new pillow and his chest your mattress.
In a sleepy daze you wore a smile, wondering how on Earth he sleeps so soundly through the loudest alarm you’d ever heard. He doesn’t even move when you land on him, and he only continues to snore when his second alarm rings out.
Like always, you’d let him sleep longer than you should. He’d be running late, but neither of you would care too much. It had become the routine, and you weren’t about to break this habit. You needed the time with him and Keiji needed the sleep.
It was nice to be awake before him, and you had learned to get over the frustration that came with hearing that dreaded alarm clock. It wasn’t very difficult when you got to wake up to Keiji, who was comfort personified. He was the consolation to early, loud mornings.
As you laid there, cuddling into his heated skin, listening to his breathing and his snoring and his heart beating, all you could focus on was how much you missed him.
Sometimes these mornings were all you had with him. Your work schedules didn’t match - granted, Keiji’s schedule matched no one’s - and neither did your sleeping routines. Even when you stayed up late for him, even when he came home for lunch, even when you both had the same day off, there was just never enough time in the day.
You never had enough of him. You wished you could become a sponge and soak all of him up - leave nothing behind, keep all of this golden man to yourself forever. It was a kind of selfishness you’d take pride in, if such an act was possible.
But even though you missed him so much, even though letting him get out of bed every morning was harder than it should have been, you always sent him off with a kiss. You always reminded him you loved him. As proud as you were of yourself for reeling in the prize catch that was Akaashi Keiji, you were infinitely more proud of him - of his drive, of his work, of his charm. Proud of every success and failure. Of everything he provides and everything he strives for. Even as he struggled to tie his necktie in the morning, or missed important deadlines, or let himself become more distant than he should. There was always some amount of pride in there, and you never had to look hard to find it.
Originally, you were going to let him sleep in this morning. He deserved it. But now, the more you thought about it - you’d much rather wake him up early. You deserved it.
Your lips molded to the edge of his jawline as you grabbed his arm, slowly and surely shaking him awake.
“Kei.”
He grunted, then hummed, then whined. He tried to roll over but your weight on top of him held him down, though he hadn’t even realized you were there. Fists dragged along his eyes and feet kicked the blanket away with a big stretch - every morning was the same.
“Gotta get up, babe,” you said before a yawn, and he pretended not to hear you. You only shook his shoulder harder.
“No,” he griped, and finally he opened his eyes, only to shut them tight. “Going in late today.”
“You said you’d make me breakfast.”
“You said you’d rather go without,” he said with a tired laugh trailing his words.
He found the strength to roll the two of you over, tucking himself into you the way you had cuddled into him, and you gave his hair a tug. A warning to say, you better not fall asleep.
“I was kidding,” you said. “Want you to make me something. Please.”
He gave a groan, one you knew meant fine, but his arms tightened around you, and his legs twisted around yours, and he had nothing more to say.
“Keiji.”
“Five minutes, babe.”
Keiji knew the two of you would be there for longer than that, and you did, too. He knew it could’ve been a bother, but you relaxed into bed, anyway, and let him do as he pleased.
“Goodnight, then.”
“Love you.”
You laughed. “Goodnight.”
And he squeezed your waist, making you jump. “Say it back.”
“I will, when you bring me my burnt breakfast in bed.”
“I will,” he sighed. “In five more minutes.”
It wouldn’t be just five more minutes. That would be inevitable. But he would bring you the breakfast he promised, and it would all be as burnt as you expected. That would be inevitable, too.
But you would eat it. And Keiji was glad that all of these things were a cherished certain, things he couldn’t change, things you loved him for even though he tended to lose sleep over them.
He tried his best. And you knew that without being told. And he appreciated it.
I'm at at that point of the quarentine where the only thing I do is lay in different positions on the couch watching tv shows and going blind for a few seconds when I get up
hey I have a question.. why do we call him "mandzo" instead of "mandzu"? (don't have the accents, sorry :c ) also good luck with studying~~
You can use both! I’m not sure how to explain this, but I’ll try hahaha :,)Ok, so ‘Mandžu’ is ok sounding, but more awkward to use in spoken Croatian. The thing is that ‘Mandžo’ just… fits better (grammatically) into Croatian language. When using short forms of (last)names, it’s more common to put -o at the end (at least more common than -u), take ‘Dejo’ for example. This is because Croatian has cases and it’s just simpler (when using ‘Mandžo’ in spoken language) to use it. E.g. Accusative case vs Nominative. If in N you have Mandžo, A is Mandžu, whereas if in N you have Mandžu, it ends up sounding odd in other cases lmao (and we have 7 of them so yeah)
isn't it fun that i can pinpoint the exact moment i went from someone relatively stable who had a grip on my emotions to somewhat of a mess. and that exact moment was immediately after getting my wisdom teeth removed?
ok so fic/health update: fic in progress. have 2 options I'm sort of chipping at and will know when I get to the middle of each what I want. "Why is it taking so long" I am a disabled person trying to figure out health insurance. my meds help ensure I can function and I'm trying to see a doctor to get another refill 👍
