When Darkness Finally Meets the Light (Chapter 21)
Pairings: Saja Boys x fem!Reader
Tags: Reincarnation, Soulmates, Polyamory, Angst
Rating: T+
Summary:
The longer you are a demon the easier it is to only feel negative emotions or, worse, no emotions at all.
But there’s a legend, a whispered story of hope amongst demons, about finding a soulmate. They’re not once in a lifetime, as in if you miss them they never come back. No, many souls are old. They’ve seen multiple lifetimes. The older the soul, the more powerful they are up until a point- there comes a time when a soul reaches its epitome and moves on after their death, their final experience.
You find a soul like that, who’s also your soulmate, they say it can bring back your soul, your emotions.
Your desire to live.
But can it truly heal the curse of being controlled by Gwi-ma?
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Word Count: 2.6k
As you settled onto the couch, notebooks placed in your lap, you took a moment to rub your hands over your face.
“We don't have to do this right now if you're tired, starlight,” Mystery said as they sank down onto the couch beside you.
“I mean- has today been draining? Yes. Does that mean I could even consider resting until we try this? No.” You glanced over at him, face scrunched up in concern. “I feel like there's some invisible force hanging over all of us. Like we're running out of time, and I don't know why. I just… I just want you guys safe.”
Mystery sighed fondly. They leaned over and cupped your chin, gently pulling you in for a kiss.
You pulled away a few moments later when you felt someone else sit on the couch.
It was Jinu.
“So, how are you both most comfortable doing this?” You asked. “I don't want you to feel obligated to share your past with me, but that could be one way to do it. Otherwise, we could just leaf through my journals and see if anything jumps out at you guys.”
“Maybe we could start with the journals?” Jinu suggested a bit tentatively.
You nodded. “I have three of them so far, so one for each of us. Though, there's a chance I could overlook a story that's about one of you two,” you explained. “Could the other boys help maybe?”
Jinu nodded and Mystery shrugged. “They all know our stories,” Mystery replied.
Seemingly waiting for permission, the other three boys immediately joined you all on the couch. Baby was tucked up into Mystery's side. Abby was next to Jinu with his arm slung behind him. Romance decided to pull up the ottoman to sit in front of Jinu, facing you.
You turned so Romance could see the notebook you were paging through, starting at the beginning.
It felt weird rereading these now knowing they were… you. That these things actually happened to you.
You'd semi-anticipated feeling uncomfortable with so openly sharing your journals with the boys. You never shared them with others, even though you didn’t hide them. You weren’t ashamed of documenting your dreams, but you did it for you, not to show to anyone else.
Yet as the sound of pages turning filled the silence, you didn't even feel a hint of anxiety.
Besides the sound of searching through the journals, the boys only spoke every once in a while to give commentary on what they were reading.
“Wait, you were a priestess in a past life?” Abby asked.
“And now look at you, hanging out with demons,” Baby added with a smirk.
You flipped through a few more pages when Romance gently stopped you from turning to another. “This one's about when you met me at your father's dinner party…” he noted with a soft sense of wonder.
“You're welcome to read it. You'll see I wasn't lying about being infatuated with you,” you joked lightly.
“Wait, you dreamed about our first kiss?” Baby suddenly said, grabbing the journal he had been reading over Mystery's shoulder to get a closer look at it.
You blushed, even though you weren't inherently embarrassed. “I've dreamt about a lot of things.”
“Am I actually the first one of us who kissed you, then?” Baby asked with a smirk. “If we’re counting your past lives?”
“No,” Abby replied, looking incredibly smug. “Unless Myst has something on me that I don’t know about.”
“It would be a surprise to me too,” Mystery answered monotonously, still reading the journal in front of him.
Baby made another comment, probably arguing back with Abby, but you got distracted by Romance paging ahead in the journal you two were holding. He came to a passage and paused, bringing a finger up to follow along as he read it.
You read over what he was pointing to. It certainly wasn’t about himself, Baby, or Abby. The more you read, the more visuals your brain started to provide.
The world slipped away as you got caught up in the memory.
Your interactions with the emperor were limited to his morning bath and his evening tea. Despite that, you had a pretty decent insight into his day to day activities, including his mood swings.
The changes that occurred between that morning bath and evening tea told enough stories on their own.
But you'd also been noticing these changes through Min-seo.
It started with the haircut.
Min reassured you that he wasn't bothered by it. Even though you didn’t interact constantly throughout the day, you knew Min-seo did his job well. Anytime you came across him while he was working, he had his head down, diligently focused on his task.
Yet the emperor's ire had clearly turned onto him.
A week after the hair cutting, Min-seo started wearing a partial face covering.
The day after you noticed it, you managed to pull him aside for a second.
“Are you hurt?” You asked him seriously the moment you were alone.
His shoulders, which had been tense, relaxed when you said that. “Not that you could do anything about it… but no. I'm not hurt.” He answered quietly.
“Ill then?” You continued, prodding.
He shook his head, looking left and right before lowering the face covering to show you he wasn't lying. After only a moment, he slid it back up. “His Highness said my appearance is… distracting.”
You furrowed your eyebrows. “That's what he said about your hair, too.”
Min-seo sighed softly, almost imperceptibly. “I know.”
Your heart clenched, knowing there was nothing you could do.
You both stood there in silence for a moment, before you finally reached out, resting your hand gently on his shoulder.
“Just lay low, I'm sure it'll pass.”
He nodded, and you nodded back.
You knew the odds.
You were lying to him.
Yet you both took solace in it for that brief moment.
“I'll see you tomorrow,” you told him, making a promise you hoped you both could keep, before you parted ways.
Every day you passed each other since that one, your heart clenched tighter and tighter. Min-seo became more withdrawn, more of a shell, trying so hard to be the perfect servant - diligent and unseen.
But then you stopped seeing him, too.
It was five days after the moment you two shared.
He wasn't at his normal spot that morning.
You thought maybe he got assigned to a different part of the palace. Maybe this was the final step by the emperor. Sure you'd see him less, but you could find a way to interact.
It'd mean he was alive, at least.
But you noticed the evolving combinations of rage and joy the emperor kept bouncing between. It was almost hard to keep up with, and it made your worry increase.
No one you knew had seen Min-seo in days.
A few nights later, you were doing your final rounds, your heart aching in a way you couldn't acknowledge.
During this part of your routine, you rarely encountered anyone else. The nights were quieter, more subdued.
Which is why you clearly heard the sound of something approaching you from behind. This wouldn't have inherently bothered you if it weren't accompanied by the sounds of claws on the floor.
Scraping.
Getting closer.
You turned around, prepared to throw the linens you'd been carrying, when your eyes met gold.
A silvery dog was standing there. It paused its walk the moment you turned around and gave a small wag of its tail.
If the golden eyes hadn't initially caught your attention, you would've sooner noticed the scorch marks that covered the dog's body.
“Oh you poor thing,” you whispered. “One second, let me put these down, then I can help you, okay?”
The dog nodded, or maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you, but you felt understood nonetheless. You hurried through the last steps of your duties before ripping off part of your underskirt and dipping it into the bucket you'd been using to rinse the sheets.
As clean of water as you were gonna get.
When you rushed back, the dog was sitting there, waiting for you. Its tail gave another small wag as you knelt in front of it.
It couldn't help the whine it released as you carefully dabbed its wounds with the cloth.
“What happened to you?” You asked it.
The dog just stared at you before letting its eyes flutter closed as it rested its head in your hands.
Its fur color was astonishing. The soft shades of white seemed almost a light purple in the dim moonlight.
“You remind me of someone,” you said softly as you continued to care for the burn marks. “A friend of mine… Someone I wish I knew the answers for, just like I wish I knew what caused this for you.”
The dog whined softly, looking up at you with eyes that almost looked like they were shifting between a rich brown and a shining gold.
Once you were done washing the wounds the best you could, you moved a hand up to gently pet their head, avoiding the blackened fur. “If only I could do more for you. Thank you for trusting me.”
The dog just wagged its tail once more. It seemed almost hesitant to leave. As you moved to stand, though, it pressed its head into you one more time, lingering, before it left, disappearing down the dark hallway.
The world around you shifted back, the hallway fading into a view of your lap, where you were staring at your hands.
You blinked a few times and realized the room was quiet.
You moved your fingers, trying to refocus on the present, when you felt a hand rest on your shoulder.
“You back with us starlight?” Mystery asked gently, almost hesitantly.
You turned your head to look at him, staring for a moment.
“You're Min-seo, aren't you?” You whispered, as if afraid to say it any louder.
Mystery gave you a simple nod. “I am.”
“Did you… that dog… was that you, too?”
“It was.”
Tears pricked at the corner of your vision, but the anger was stronger than the grief.
“That bitch!”
Baby, who was still seated beside Mystery, immediately laughed at that.
“The fucking emperor turned you into a dog- no a bulgae because he was jealous of how pretty you are?” You spat. “That's- ugh!”
Mystery opened their arms and you immediately climbed into their lap. He wrapped his arms around your back, holding you close. You could feel his shoulders shaking as he chuckled silently, too.
The rage was done, though, as the grief decided it was its turn to be felt. You sagged, snuggling into them further. “I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine what that must've been like.”
“It was… disorienting,” they finally said after a moment. “Gwi-ma promised he'd give me my humanity back, but that didn't last long either.” His hand slowly started rubbing your back. “It's part of why shifting between this form and our demon form leaves me… the way it does.” They sighed. “It reminds me of that time. It's a similar feeling.”
You leaned back so you could meet his gaze. He was looking at you fondly.
“I probably would've gone mad sooner if not for you caring for me,” they admitted softly, bringing a hand up to cup your face.
“You know you didn't deserve what happened to you, right?” You asked him seriously.
You saw a moment of uncertainty flash across their features before they sighed. “It's… my humanity has never felt like it was truly my own.”
“The emperor, treating you like that, taking away your autonomy-” You shook your head. “I know we were in an odd position, but you never did anything wrong. He took it out on you because of his own shortcomings, and then Gwi-ma took advantage of the doubt he created.”
Mystery gave you a small smile. “I've certainly felt more human since being around you.”
You looked into his eyes for a moment. “You know what I wish I could've done back then?” You asked softly.
“What?”
“This,” you replied, before leaning in to kiss him.
“Gods that's hot,” Baby not-so-subtly said from beside you guys.
Without breaking the kiss, you shoved at his chest, making him laugh.
Mystery pulled back with a sigh, casting a playful glare at the teal-haired boy. “You're such a brat Yujin.”
Baby smirked, leaning in closer, resting his arm on Mystery's shoulder. “Sorry, no take backs, you're stuck with me Min,” he said before kissing Mystery's cheek.
You smiled at them before slowly sitting up more, looking around. The other three boys had stepped away earlier, but now you wanted them back.
“We should probably take a break from this,” Mystery suggested, “maybe order some food for a late lunch.”
“Or early dinner,” Baby agreed.
The rest of the boys came back into the room and you all decided to order in, since you were feeling drained from the long day. Some of the boys kept paging through the last sections of your journals, but you decided to take a quick nap.
Jinu's lap made a good pillow anyway.
The boys woke you up when dinner arrived and you all sat around the table to eat.
“Did you find anything else in the journals?”
“Not specific to Jinu,” Abby said with a slight frown on his face.
Jinu did his best to give you a small smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. “It's fine, angel. You can't choose what your past lives were.”
“I just… surely I was,” you said. “There's no way, statistically, that I'm in all of the other boys’ lives but not yours. It has to be soulmate related at this point.”
Jinu shook his head. “Part of me hoped you weren’t there, so this isn't the worst outcome. I didn't deserve to have you around-”
You jabbed a finger in his direction. “I've heard every reason the other boys have sold their souls, and you think yours is somehow going to be worse? That I see all of them as people who were manipulated by that bastard and I'll look at you and shrug, saying, ‘it makes sense. He deserved it?’” You asked him incredulously.
Jinu seemed frozen, eyes wide as he stared at you.
“Since I met you guys, I've started to have more dreams of you,” you continued when he didn't speak. “There's a good chance I just haven't seen that past life yet, but don't you get it twisted, Jinu. Whatever your past life is, you're a victim just like they are. You didn't deserve whatever happened to you, too.”
The boys were all staring at you with a mixture of wonder and sadness, with a hint of anger from Baby. You knew none of the negative emotions were directed at you, but rather the situations they'd been put in.
“Besides, we don't even know if me finding out I was in Min's life made our bond any brighter,” you pointed out.
Jinu sighed. “You're too good for us, Y/N.”
“I'm exactly what you deserve,” you countered, “someone who cares about you enough to fight for you.” You took another bite of your food as Romance leaned over to kiss your cheek. “We're meeting up with the girls again tomorrow, so we'll see if the bond was impacted by this at all. And if not… we'll figure it out.”
UUGGHHHHH TURBOOOOOOO UUGGHHHHH BARK BARK BARK IM GOING TO CHEW YOU UUGHH I LOVE TURBO UHHH AND PET YOU AND HIT YOU WITH A HAMMER AND THEN SHOWER U WITH GIFTS UUGHHHHHHAHHBBHHHH
Do imimata show signs of fear of being recoded like they fear "death"?
It's very hard for most end users of digital imimata to parse emotions as expressed by imimata as there are often clauses [hard boundaries outside the encoding] forbidding them from all the obvious ways you might think. But the most extreme form is the physical manifestation outside the resonance chamber (creating a poltergeist-like effect)
Recoding is also often not as drastic as a full on death, it can be thought of as a spectrum from "slight make-over" to "complete recycling and rebirth" but it's actually not possible to remove an imimaton's encoding without fully disincorporating them (and therefore losing them forever) as that is their entire make-up and being. Encoding is the process of teaching or gathering experiences that inform a personality or presentation. It can only build on what already exists, never remove it. So, ordinarily, a recoding is just a new set of instructions and clauses to make an intimation behave differently - this is actually Nico's profession in this world, he recodes personal handheld imimata who have begun to show signs of manifesting or instability, 'fixing' them.
Where the removal of memories comes from is a different matter - external media storage has been in use for centuries. Originally taking the form of physical archives of books which an intimation could recollect from as long as they were present in the right part of the chamber, these obviously progressed to the digital era in the form of optical disks, tape, and solid state storage. This information is something the imimaton can recollect but is not strictly a part of them, so it can be removed. Some of them don't seem to like that though
