Nov 12, 2019
shout out to my professor that said: the sun never sets on the british empire because even God doesn’t trust them in the dark.
seen from South Korea
seen from Norway
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from United States
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seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Argentina
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Honduras
seen from United States
seen from Spain
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from China
seen from United States
shout out to my professor that said: the sun never sets on the british empire because even God doesn’t trust them in the dark.
My best friend has a very eccentric prof with a loud Irish accent, and she always says funny things in class. Here are a few gems:
“Cornelia just sat in Misenum, casting shade. sub tweeting people”
“Take those sheep, drive to a bandit community, and say ‘I have brought you 500 sheep. Make me your king’”
“The Roman mindset was very much 'wait for it, wait for it, wait for it....NOW IT'S ON FIRE!'”
“If you were late to an appointment, people just assumed you'd been murdered by bandits. Imagine living in a world like that. I mean there's still places like that in the world today...anyone live in [local sketchy city]?”
“What are you supposed to do in Rome when bandits are robbing your house?” “Shoot them!”
"Shepherds were hardcore. You were out there with basically no clothes, people trying to steal your sheep, fighting off wolves with a stick”
"If you're a shepherd, who are you going to meet most often? Other shepherds! and then you join a group and once you've got 10 shepherds you say "I think we've got a gang here!""
"And yeah, I think for most people being rude to the emperor was a life goal"
"I guess shepherds weren't that bad, they wouldn't shiv you. They would just stab you in the front...while coming at you in the dark"
"The fresh pirate of bel-air"
"The pirates would just hang out in the harbours waiting for the navy to leave, and once they saw them feck off they'd go “Huzzah! Piracy!”"
"He recruited slaves, did black magic, was a necromancer..." “me too" (really quiet girl in the front row)
"piracy is in the eye of the beholder"
i think i definitely have found the right major for me. this has been decided by the fact that we made our own quills in my HELL class today and I was practically bouncing in excitement and half my class was right there with me
it is literally the best class i’ve ever had
Things said by my HELL Prof part 4
- ‘it’s confusing because it’s what happens when historians and ethnographers try to write literature’
- ‘you’re nominally Christian. act like it occasionally?’
- ‘calling it Old English instead of An-Sax is like calling Latin Old Spanish, or Old French, or even Old Italian.’
- ‘if anybody has the right to call it Old something it’s the Italians but they don’t. it’s still Latin!’
- ‘that happens when you burn down monasteries but what do i know’
- ‘it’s a complete accident which texts have survived and which haven’t’
- ‘it’s a beautiful, ugly manuscript, but it survived!’
- ‘just a suggestion...DO THE READING!!!’
- ‘there are hundreds of theories and none of them can agree’
Things said by my HELL prof pt. 3
-‘there are dark things on the internet that i’m not old enough for’ (unknown how old he is, but old enough to have a completely white beard)
- ‘this wasn’t strong enough to be pure bean juice’ (in reference to his coffee cup
- ‘it sits at the end of the table and cries, poor abandoned languages’
- ‘we’re not supposed to talk about that geo-politics you know’
- ‘not that i’m an angry linguist’
- ‘hi, i’m latin, i’m here to do unspeakable things to the language you speak’
- ‘linguistic trauma! an actual field of study by the way’
- ‘everybody spoke latin the same way, yes? NO!’
- ‘the goths would have been speaking something completely different but ok’
- ‘if you like being depressed! it was a dark and stormy night, and i just start laughing’
- ‘i will y’all all y’all until i cry y’all’
- ‘i thought you said (coworker’s name that is similar to a famous author’s name) and i was like does (coworker’s wife who also works in the same department) know?’
- ‘i have a problem with ‘the great vowel shift’ because as a medievalist we say that vowels have been shifting more and more slowly over time’
- ‘it’s that systematic structure bit that guys like me have a problem with’
- ‘it’s not that i thrive on it’ (in reference to antagonizing linguist coworkers clearly a blatant lie)
- ‘Prof M(a linguist in the department) isn’t acutally that bad. teaching grammar broke him’
- ‘grammarians tell me etc...(list of grammar rules) but pardon my language, fuck that’
- ‘it’s like sea monkeys with language’
- ‘isn’t that life?’
- ‘guys like me collect languages for fun’
- ‘you need to see the life cycle of the language’
- ‘right now my chickens are fascinating me’
- ‘they have specific names for people!’
- ‘i can’t pronounce my chicken name, i don’t speak chicken’
- ‘i think my youngest’s name translates to oh hell no’
- ‘now they have a distinct grammar and it’s fascinating’(still talking about his chickens)
- ‘they have an armored luxury coop that i built by hand over the summer’
- ‘i’m sorry i can’t help with your chicken death related trauma’
- ‘yes the normans were trendsetters!’
- ‘so cheat on your history test!’ (slams hand on desk)
- ‘they all spoke the same dialect... no they sure as hell didn’t!’
- ‘that’s great but what about these others that got eaten by north umbria? they didn’t do much but they matter.’
- (in reference to the word english coming from the angles) ‘which is funny since most of their kings were saxxon’
- ‘what are you gonna do kill me?’ ‘i’ll kill your soul.’ ‘...talk to me about this.’
- ‘that’s the history of the english language in thirty seconds’
- ‘translation: you’ve become a bloody heathen get out of my house.’
- ‘we still do this. we like to have fun with our languages!’
things said by my HELL Prof
to be clear this was one class. this is my professor who has the loudest opinions. class is never boring.
-started the morning off by yelling the opening lines of Beowulf in the original English always a good start to class
- he did this my freshman year too and Hwaet! became a meme in my freshman class. it’s still a meme, they still use it in the group chat two years later.
- ‘don’t ever translate hwaet we don’t know what it means. it’s a huge argument today’
- ‘if you like metal you will love the An-Sax’ (in reference to learning the language)
- ‘things were going pretty well and then the Enlightenment happened’
- ‘Spanish is derived from vulgar Latin’
- ‘torture your linguists they love it!’ ‘i didn’t say that. it’s a recommendation not an order. plausible deniability’
- ‘anybody ever study latin?’ immediate disappointment
- ‘english is the language that follows other languages into dark alleys and mugs them for spare conjunctions’ ‘nice language you’ve got there be a shame if something were to happen to it’ (not sure if he’s come up with this himself or if he just liked the meme. could honestly go either way)
- ‘it’s really funny to watch linguists fight with each other’
- ‘(impersonating a linguist) most modern archaeologists don’t understand migration’ ‘...really???’
- (impersonating a linguist) ‘pots are not people! archaeologists are not linguists!’ ‘are you sure about that?’
- ‘this is why you need to get outside and play with other people’s toys!’
- ‘a group of small farmers decided they wanted to take on the world and won’
- ‘people have been avoiding other people for a very long time’
- (impersonating a linguist) ‘Hungarian is a very primitive language that has a lot of gutturals. Spanish is much classier.’ ‘Spanish is bad Latin!!!!’
- ‘then still other people are like. are ya’ll on drugs?’
- ‘uncivilized people don’t speak French. like the ones outside my window. what did you say about my mother?’ ‘i thought you said we were uncivilized’ ‘you are but i still understand you’
- ‘sanskrit as the root of all things. what if you’re wrong? you probably are, but we can’t prove it and you can’t prove that you’re right.’
- (impersonating a linguist) ‘skull shapes are almost irrelevant to linguistic problems’ ‘really.’
Today in our Sexuality & Society Lecture
Soc Prof: Do you consider oral sex to be sex?
Random Student: *yells from back of room* NO
Soc Prof: Then what is it,lunch?
Class Today
So in my Legal Environment of Business class today a lady walked in late, sat in the back row on the end and starting passing around a pink pumpkin full of candy. As it got to each student lost in their own little worlds they're all like "candy? for me?! is there a catch? holy crap candy!"
To make matters better my professor noticed it being passed around by the time it got to the second row and thanked the lady for bringing it. Then he yelled at us all that we better not take any of the skittles or Twizzlers cuz if he didn't get any he'd fail us all.