The best banter in a boring lecture...
So I've quite possibly had the funniest lecture of my life in the last hour...
We have a lecturer for Cell Bio that honestly makes us dread our lives every time he teaches because he reads directly off the powerpoint slides in a voice so boring he could put anyone to sleep. We've had lectures with him before and we know exactly what is going to happen the minute he steps onto the podium. Honest, it's not even worth taking notes because all he does is read the slides on the screen with the least enthusiasm a human can possess. Today however, it was even worse. He started reading the same Powerpoint as he did last Friday. Exactly the same. And didn't realize. The group chat for Biomed went ballistic. The banter was real: (warning: some Frankie Boyle style humour ahead, those with gentle dispositions look away from the bants…this isn’t your thing I can guarantee)
'Think an apprentice builder is on the cards for me'
'Am I even still alive?'
Someone's just walked in, clearly been doing their essay all morning'
'I think I'm doing the wrong degree'
'I've paid more attention to this chat than the lecture so far'
'I've zoned out'
'I don't think I ever zoned in'
'Has to listen to his own voice all day...poor guy'
'Surely it's a crime to be such a boring bastard'
'I mean I've met more enthusiastic grave diggers'
'I should record his voice for when I can't sleep'
'Is anyone listening?'
'He's talking about cancer breakthroughs and how they work, this is interesting shit! How does he make it sound like the human equivalent of watching paint dry?!'
'I don't think he's even listening'
'Anyone thinking euthanasia?'
'I cannot see one person paying attention in this lecture'
'It's just random numbers and letters, swear he's just making this shit up on the spot'
'Maybe he knows nobody is listening'
'He sounds as dead as I feel'
'Sneak a hip flask in, drink whenever he says blastoma'
'Just continuous drinking until he voice doesn't become a monotone'
'Homozygous, I swear that's a wizard spell off Harry Potter'
'He even sounds like Snape'
'There must be one person out there that wants to pass?! Anyone?!'
'I want to pass out'
'I'm happy with a third'
'I keep hearing snickers throughout the lecture hall and keep thinking 'ffs guys keep it together''
'Guys we're almost there'
'7 more minutes'
'5 more slides'
'I'll take whatever charity grade they decide to throw my way'
'Throw something at him'
'How about some enthusiasm?'
'Or a brick.'
'There are two types of people'
'Throw some kinases at him, see how he likes it'
'If anyone has a brick, throw it my way'
'Make it a good shot'
'He's drained me of all energy'
*lecturer pulls up diagram of a car supposed to be a molecule and a wall supposed to represent cancer cells*
'He tried to make it exciting with a car. Bless.'
'He's desperate'
'I don't have a brick'
'Driving towards cancer wtf?!'
'Drive me towards cancer please'
'What even is that car?!'
'Cancermobile'
'Drive at me instead'
'Please throw something at him. Anything, a laptop, you can have the 3 pound I have left in my overdraft to put towards a new one'
'Guys I can't stop laughing'
'It’s really bad'
'You guys are killing me'
'Like his lectures...'
'Guys I'm having a laughing fit stop!!!'
'I'm dying right now'
'Guys I can't hold the laughing much longer'
‘Smash the motherfucking car into me’
‘OMG’
‘Someone please start laughing’
‘THANK GOD’
‘I can hear giggles throughout the lecture hall’
‘Guys can we give him an applause for sheer effort’
‘Everyone’s just laughing’
‘I’m crying a little’
‘Everyone not in this chat looks so confused’
*lecture finishes with a round of applause and most of the 356 students bursting into laughter*
*disclaimer: we do not mean to be derogatory or disrespectful to our lecturers in any way, shape or form. It was purely banter that befitted the monotony of the lecture, it was in no way aimed to be abusive or cruel and we understand that lecturers are very well-versed on many subjects and being intellectuals have studied incredibly hard for many years before coming into teaching. This is just a bit of fun (even if the lecture wasn’t) that is not meant to down-grade those who are passing on their knowledge to us.