wanted to make a post about how much Human by Flavor Foley matters to me and why it has impacted me so strongly
for a few months before I found the song, I had been silently struggling with my sense of identity. I was considering the idea that I might be agender, looking at my past and feeling things fall into place, but I was scared to fully commit to it in case I was wrong or lying to myself to feel special or something.
I didn't seek out this song - I had just recently gotten into vocaloid music and was listening to the Flavor Foley catalogue after my friend introduced me to the group. I was working from home, just starting my day, when I started listening to the song in the background.
and the lines "Could I try? Could changing leave me gratified?" played
I don't often cry. it's something I'm trying to change about myself due to years of emotional repression and fear of losing control. when those lyrics played, I fully broke down into tears. I had to regain control of myself because I live with others and was afraid of what they might see or hear, but that instant, debilitating emotional reaction was enough for me to finally realize that what I was feeling was real and true. that I wasn't making it up, that it wasn't a lie I was telling myself.
after that, the whole song became recontextualized for me. it felt intimately familiar to my own sense of hesitation and fear of change, of embracing something new about myself. and seeing this feeling expressed and ending with acceptance and self-love was incredibly profound and impactful.
I'm still working through my own identity and still struggle with impostor syndrome and the feeling of lacking a sense of self. but every now and then I return to this song to remind myself of that moment, to prove to myself that it's coming from a genuine place and that I'm not secretly lying to myself and others.
all that to say, this is the most important song to me and always makes me cry. which sucks because it means I can't listen to it casually even though it's a really good song.