#futuredoctorweirdo

[doctorkintsugi]

Dr. Kintsugi

Future Dr. Weirdo is now an actual doctor in the present, so I have changed the blog name to reflect the transition. I intend to slow down on reblogs and focus more on original content. Thanks for reading along through med school; it has helped to share. 

I have written before about kintsugi. It’s a Japanese art form wherein broken things are repaired with gold lacquer, and considered to be more beautiful than the original un-broken pieces. I believe that we are all kintsugi, and this belief is central to how I see my patients. 

I will probably have some thoughts on graduation soon. Not unlike with match day, the feelings are surprisingly complicated. I’m having trouble putting together coherent thoughts about it right now, but...soon. 

For now: I’m a doctor, and looking forward to becoming a good one. 

[yataiwan-blog]

Losing Humanity

I used to think that medical school made me mature more quickly than the average person. Exposure to cadavers, dying patients, drug-seekers, patients who don't care a damn about their own lives was changing how I saw the world, particularly in determining what is actually important. Gone were the hours that I spend chatting patient and worrying about the details. Now, it's working as fast as possible to make sure they're clear to go home, such as buffing their lab "numbers" and controlling their pain.

Recently, though, I read something by "futuredoctorweirdo" that changed my perspective about myself. In the post, she talks about her current experience on the psychiatric ward and how it "feels[s] like my humanity is distorted by the things that I’m seeing" and that "I do have a harder time leaving the work at the hospital." I began to realize that I wasn't gaining maturity. I was losing humanity.

So I write this post to remind myself to not become jaded, and when think about the sacrifices I am making in my social/personal life, to realize that there are many people out there who have it worse. And after all, isn't helping those people the reason I chose to pursue medicine?

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Inspirations for this post:

"Kintsugi Heart" by futuredoctorweirdo. Well-written expression of thoughts during a 3rd-year psychiatry rotation. The metaphor is incredible as well.

THIS PICTURE by Humans of New York, which reminded me that I've had an exceptionally wonderful life. (I view getting the opportunity to pursue medicine means that your life wasn't too rough. Poor people don't often have the time or resources to dedicate to studying.)