noise dept.
EXPECTATIONS
Fai_Ryy
almost home
The Stonewall Inn
Sade Olutola
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Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
Love Begins
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
shark vs the universe
KIROKAZE
macklin celebrini has autism
pixel skylines
Mike Driver
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$LAYYYTER
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Game of Thrones Daily
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@yataiwan-blog
Condense
Time to condense in order to reiterate to myself what my goals are:
Skillset (3)
Badass surgeon, future in colorectal and QI/healthcare reform
Ultimate frisbee athlete (aka throwing, working out and being really fit/fast)
Spanish-speaker. Need to start dating a Spanish-speaker lol
Hmm...does not include gaming. FML.
The year starts on Chinese NY
Let’s see what last year’s resolutions were!
======================================== =====YATAIWAN’S RESOLUTIONS 2015====== ========================================
No chips, candy, or soda. (unless traveling)
Actually decorate my new home. (with photographs)
Sleep 8hrs daily before intern year starts.
Run a 5:30 mile and do 20 pull-ups.
Mod my bike…and my car if I end up in Chicago.
Become certified as a Spanish medical interpreter.
Become Yelp Elite 2016! (too late for 2015)
Write in my medicine blog & twitter. (“jsurgery”)
Be caught up on my photographs!
Because I want a #10, let’s say…start a research project!
Success??
Currently rarely eating junk food! No soda.
n/a
Nope
Pull-ups, yes. (knee injury slowed me down)
n/a
Probably not until 2017 earliest.
n/a (don’t care)
May want to start a blog called “After Action” (story here)
Nope
Going into research!
Not really.
Why resolutions should resolve around Chinese New Year: The end of the year surgery exam is the last Saturday of January. No fun until that is complete. The test also helps me gauge where I stand in my studies, which is the most important aspect I should focus on.
Rather than resolutions, I treat the process more like goals. The theme this year is to find myself by pursuing my passions and 1. Study a lot more (ie. daily). The exam will show if I succeeded in this or not. 2. Become good at Ultimate Frisbee. This involves working out & running. 3. Going to try to obtain a raffle for the NY Marathon 2016. 4. Reading a book every month (3 months are cheating via textbooks). 5. I really need to write and improve my speaking. Research will help with that.
Need me a ride or die bae like this.
first competition?
I am feeling not too bad right now because today I feel terrible I thought I injured a patient and reduce morning the result was that was probably inevitable best BMW said I could've still been better more optimized know the details better. One other thing was that I have met respect for the prison presentation skills of my chief however I now realize that they also have many flaws in terms of their thinking diagnoses and I think how things go wrong she's only gets very angry which I guess is not unusual in the surgery population. and I love her and my other senior resident because they are doing care of me in their own way I would be do work in making sure I get out of the hospital on time that is amazing I cannot be more thankful.
Nerds do it better
You know you’re getting old when...
The practicality of block phones like Galaxy Note and iPhone+ start to outweigh the extreme fuglyness.
What’s it like to go through cancer treatment? It’s something like this: one day, you’re minding your own business, you open the fridge to get some breakfast, and OH MY GOD THERE’S A MOUNTAIN LION IN YOUR FRIDGE. Wait, what? How? Why is there a mountain lion in your fridge? NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. RUN! THE MOUNTAIN LION WILL KILL YOU! UNLESS YOU FIND SOMETHING EVEN MORE FEROCIOUS TO KILL IT FIRST! So you take off running, and the mountain lion is right behind you. You know the only thing that can kill a mountain lion is a bear, and the only bear is on top of the mountain, so you better find that bear. You start running up the mountain in hopes of finding the bear. Your friends desperately want to help, but they are powerless against mountain lions, as mountain lions are godless killing machines. But they really want to help, so they’re cheering you on and bringing you paper cups of water and orange slices as you run up the mountain and yelling at the mountain lion - “GET LOST, MOUNTAIN LION, NO ONE LIKES YOU” - and you really appreciate the support, but the mountain lion is still coming. Also, for some reason, there’s someone in the crowd who’s yelling “that’s not really a mountain lion, it’s a puma” and another person yelling “I read that mountain lions are allergic to kale, have you tried rubbing kale on it?” As you’re running up the mountain, you see other people fleeing their own mountain lions. Some of the mountain lions seem comparatively wimpy - they’re half grown and only have three legs or whatever, and you think to yourself - why couldn’t I have gotten one of those mountain lions? But then you look over at the people who are fleeing mountain lions the size of a monster truck with huge prehistoric saber fangs, and you feel like an asshole for even thinking that - and besides, who in their right mind would want to fight a mountain lion, even a three-legged one? Finally, the person closest to you, whose job it is to take care of you - maybe a parent or sibling or best friend or, in my case, my husband - comes barging out of the woods and jumps on the mountain lion, whaling on it and screaming “GODDAMMIT MOUNTAIN LION, STOP TRYING TO EAT MY WIFE,” and the mountain lion punches your husband right in the face. Now your husband (or whatever) is rolling around on the ground clutching his nose, and he’s bought you some time, but you still need to get to the top of the mountain. Eventually you reach the top, finally, and the bear is there. Waiting. For both of you. You rush right up to the bear, and the bear rushes the mountain lion, but the bear has to go through you to get to the mountain lion, and in doing so, the bear TOTALLY KICKS YOUR ASS, but not before it also punches your husband in the face. And your husband is now staggering around with a black eye and bloody nose, and saying “can I get some help, I’ve been punched in the face by two apex predators and I think my nose is broken,” and all you can say is “I’M KIND OF BUSY IN CASE YOU HADN’T NOTICED I’M FIGHTING A MOUNTAIN LION.” Then, IF YOU ARE LUCKY, the bear leaps on the mountain lion and they are locked in epic battle until finally the two of them roll off a cliff edge together, and the mountain lion is dead. Maybe. You’re not sure - it fell off the cliff, but mountain lions are crafty. It could come back at any moment. And all your friends come running up to you and say “that was amazing! You’re so brave, we’re so proud of you! You didn’t die! That must be a huge relief!” Meanwhile, you blew out both your knees, you’re having an asthma attack, you twisted your ankle, and also you have been mauled by a bear. And everyone says “boy, you must be excited to walk down the mountain!” And all you can think as you stagger to your feet is “fuck this mountain, I never wanted to climb it in the first place.”
Caitlin Feeley - the one, the only, the magnificent. (The only edits I’ve made are a few carriage returns for readability. - DPK)
This is EXACTLY how Treatment works.
(via phatfred)
oh my god this analogy is incredible
(via kayleemd)
Super insects unite.
My new favorite blog.
Adjusting from night shift to day shift
Random thoughts after waking up from sleeping all day (until 11pm). Current plan is to stay awake until 11pm.
COUS. I am coining this term now. It stands for consumer of useless shit. So, 95% of America or so, including myself. My attending said it best: “Americans are too [fucking] bored.”
I had another thought too. Hope I recall it.
Karma?
It sucks to be a doctor (in-training). You work 14+ hours a day, 6 days a week. What little free time you have is dedicated to studying, eating, and sleeping. You become a self-centered machine, and ironically, you forget to care about the other human beings unless they happen to be your patient.
I try not to let myself fall into this trap, and today, because of that, I had the honor of meeting the parents of one of my attending surgeons (aka my boss). This sweet elderly couple had asked for help finding the exit, and while giving them an extra minute or two of my time, I found out who they were. Likewise, they discovered that I would be working for their son in the near future. I just wish I had corrected the wife when she said, “Nice you meet you, Jesse.” >_<
Yesterday
I was awake for 32 hours straight of non-stop work. When I finished, I stopped by Chick-fil-a for lunch. I bought the usual: spicy chicken sandwich plus medium fries. I also bought a LARGE cookies-n-cream shake because I fucking deserved it. I still remember that meal (maybe b/c I’ve only eaten breakfast since then. After, I passed out for 14hrs until my alarm woke me up for work.
The small things
I am pretty hard on myself, and toward the end of the day, I called myself stupid for yet one more of my mistakes. My chief resident (usually 4yrs older and super badass) at that moment gave me a small hug and said, “Aww, no you aren’t.”
I am so grateful to have the chance to work with such wonderful people.
Today
Today was such a mess. I came in 30min later than usual thinking that I’d gotten used to the work pace and then promptly got fucking destroyed by the many surprises that started off my day. That being said, I saw an incredible amount of interesting pathology today. Appendicitis (normal and perfed), kid who tried to suicide on pills, a man with near-dead gut, an old, sweet lady who unfortunately smokes and may have a PE, a man who’s belly was coated (on the inside) with bacteria, a guy who came in near death and with a terrible surgery who is finally going home, a family who is upset that a disease was skipped on diagnosis and left the patient with a huge scar, a sweet man who constantly bleeds from his neck surgery and is patient when people are slow to fix the problem, a lady with a large watermelon of blood in her belly who is perfected well, and another lady with a little blood in her belly but with a large ovary that is killing her.
The list goes on, and the day was absolutely shitting with non-stop work from 5am~8pm (didn’t eat or drink anything this entire time). But when I reflect at the end of the day about the lessons I learned, I realize how amazing my job is. I live and die, but I live again! (Until 3:30am comes around again in 5 hours).
Last word of dvice: There are no "maybes” in surgery and medicine in general. Know the answer or go find out. (Or say, I don’t know.)
Should never be smug when a day is going well. Or in general, I suppose. I need more confidence though WITH more visualization and thinking/predicting about the next step. And I’ve learned well today (and on day 1) that even the simple things can become extremely hard given the right set of conditions.
I have (much) more to add about the whiniest big baby I’ve met thus far in my medical career, but for tonight, I want to switch gears and write about trying hard regardless of the uncertainty, or perhaps because of it.
I just finished Hibike! Euphonium today, a band nerd anime (that also happens to show how awesome band is for guys in Japan...like, 10:1 female-to-male ratio lol). The show ended with their first big band competition, and the result was somewhat hidden in the final minute (everyone was crying, so...). But I think that was the point of the series. It didn’t focus primarily on winning, but rather, it showcased what it meant to truly love something and want to become the best because you’re with a group of people who have the same aspirations.
And...this somehow ties back into medicine, and I have a long rant that I will not type out given that it’s way past my bedtime. Short version: have goals, role models, and respect. I want to score 90% on my big annual exam, become like my lady boss resident, and be the best so that everyone else will be happy and be at their best.
It’s always the big, grown men...
Who whine like little bitches (minimal offense, ladies) from “pain”.
