After a lengthy argument/discussion with my mother (og Trekkie, strangely unfamiliar with K/S culture), I seem to be at a stalemate. It's fascinating because there's a lot of points on both sides. I'll provide my own argument and my mother's argument under read more.
Is Sarek Abusive?
By Vulcan standards, yes.
By Human standards, yes.
By Human AND Vulcan standards, yes.
Sarek is not abusive / You can't judge him by human standards
Sarek is not abusive / he's more liberal compared to other Vulcans
None of the above / results
I have a different opinion (leave in replies or tags please)
Voting ended onSep 11, 2023
Mine:
-Sarek's behavior (and by proxy, many Vulcans) towards Spock's mixed genetics is a direct contradiction to IDIC (Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations) as Spock represents a small portion of that ideal: Mixed race, arguably queer, and neurodivergent.
-In the Star Trek 2009 deleted scene, Sarek calls him "so human," and from some theories it's believed Spock was surgically altered to appear more Vulcan
-Arguably, you could say this was so other Vulcans wouldn't bully him for looking so human, but we already know how that went.
-Amanda is passive in her parenting, and does little to engage Spock in human traditions along with Vulcan. She goes along with Sarek's beliefs, even if it hurts him.
-Sybok was exiled(?) for embracing emotion and encouraging others to do the same. Michael ran away and is a complete emotional mess (but probably the best out of the three). Spock has identity issues. See a pattern?
-Tuvok is seen to embody a healthier ideal of Vulcan: Permitting himself positive emotions, because it is illogical to deny himself of that. You could imply Sarek's family is just very dysfunctional.
-You can only go so far when excusing behavior with culture, but if someone is being hurt or caused harm, however indirect, it must be addressed by the society or a third perspective in order to improve.
Mom:
-everyone is abusive by modern standards / by human standards, everyone's abusive
-Sarek is an extreme outlier for marrying a human
-Most surgical procedures for Spock make sense, because they'd have to fix some conflicting issues (iron-blood/copper-blood, organ arrangement, etc.) but it is sad Sarek thought to change Spock's appearance when it didn't hinder him in any way.
-By Vulcan standards, Sarek isn't abusive because if anything he's less strict than other Vulcan parents.
-Sarek wasn't considered abusive when the show aired, and he isn't considered abusive now.
-You can't judge another culture by your own standards. (Side note: also believes you can't judge the cult in MidSommar for drugging someone, along with other things they did because it's "their culture.")
With all this in mind, I'm curious to know the general consensus around this topic. I'll leave some extra context below:
My mother comes from an extremely abusive family. Jack Stauber's Opal-level abusive. (I showed her the film and she cried with me) As such, it's understandable that we might have different definitions of abuse, given the generational difference (she's an older mom) and cultural difference (she's Mexican).
Because of this, I'm a pretty sheltered kid, but that also means I don't have a lot of exposure to difficult situations or significant abuse. I can acknowledge that I still have a lot to learn, and I'm trying to peel off my black-and-white mentality as well. I'd appreciate any feedback relating to this and the poll above so I can revise my perspective if I'm wrong!
