#g:isabelle

[ashfieldgossip]

tell me who needs to fuck who

Seems like Algy is getting around, which I don’t find bad. People that need to get fucked? Lawson. He’s boring. Lola, she’s just hot in general. Isabelle, she’s uptight as shit. Gabe is a cutie, I could imagine him being good in bed. As for the fucking who, I don’t really care. It just needs to happen with anybody.

[ashfieldgossip]

love letter to the dead

Daniel,

     I haven’t done this. I don’t even know why I’m doing it right now. I can’t even think to imagine what you’re probably thinking right now. I don’t even know what to say. I want to break down. I want to scream, and cry and fight every urge not to put myself in the same place that you are. Every. Single. Day. I can’t breathe because I know you’re gone. And there is a knife digging into my heart every time I do breathe because I know that I did that. I killed you. I hate myself.

    I hate myself so much for shooting you, and I can’t even admit it. I can’t admit it to anyone. I’m losing pieces of myself Daniel. And I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of turning myself into the police. I know it didn’t go to trial. And I know they called it an accident. And oh god, it was. It so was. Why did you have to attack him, Daniel. I hate you for it. I hate myself, I hate everything knowing that if I didn’t shoot that pistol, then you’d still be here. And we’d be married and I’d be happy.

     I’m not happy. Not at all. I can’t even sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see it over and over and over and over again. I see the exactly moment, and I see the way I closed my eyes when I pulled the trigger, because I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to die then. I want to die now. I want to be in your place, Daniel.

     I miss you. I miss you so much, and I don’t know what I’m doing in life anymore. I don’t have anyone. You’re gone. And I’m gone also. I’m a shell. A shell of a broken person that has left her body. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to start crying, but I am now, and I can’t stop. They’re coming out in horrible sobs, kinda like that night that we watched that one episode of Grey’s Anatomy. And you held me, and you told me that it wasn’t real. But this is.

    And you’re not here to hold me. I have no one to hold me anymore Danny. Maybe I’ll write to you again. Maybe I won’t. I don’t know. It’s not like you can even see these. There’s no address to them. I thought maybe writing would help me. But it didn’t. It just brought me more to the truth.

     I’m lost without you.

     With all my heart and all my soul,

             forever yours, Bella Nicole. @isabellejackson