I hear you have other ayahina fics here besides shattered. Hmu with them links
ah, here’s my fic masterpost! i also have some prompts which you can check on my prompt tag in my fic blog (since i am useless at updating that though, my general fic tag is here)
I'm over studio pierrot taking my happiness away. Could you draw something sasusaku on the finale? Maybe him coming to see her after the wedding? Nsfw is fine too! I appreciate youuu.
Thank you, I quite appreciate you too <3
Don’t let studio pierrot get you down, they are nothing. Their filler nonsense shouldn’t have that much power over you. The manga finale with the sasusaku family was amazing and that’s all I care about ;)
Age: Start of story-6. Pre Shippuden-18. Shippuden-21.
Time set in: Before the Nine tails attack. The story will show her life progressing from six and older.
Birthplace: Konoha
Lives in: Konoha
Appearance: Hair is black. She will have it pulled back since she keeps it long. Her eyes are an azure blue.
Family: Yume Mato is her mother. She came to Konoha with her grandmother from Hoshigakure when she was little. Yume is a Shinobi. If the timeline matches up, I want her team members from her three man squad to be Sakumo Hatake and Fugaku Uchiha (This will make sense later).
Katsuya Mato is her real father. He died on a mission for Konoha.
Natsuhiko Ara: Yume married him years after Katsuya died. Natsuhiko is a civilian and constantly worries when his wife has to leave for missions.
Umiko Mato: Mei’s little sister. She becomes a Shinobi like her mom and sister.
Occupation: Shinobi.
Rank: Jonin. I might give her students within time but she isn’t good with kids. Which will make it even better.
Team: Hana Inuzuka. Saisu Kamano (The guy who wanted to fight Itachi all the time but then begun worshipping him.)
Friends: Hana Inuzuka. Izumi Uchiha. She finds herself more comfortable around girls than boys. When she gets older, she befriends Kurenai, Asuma, and Shizune.
Personality: When she’s younger, she kind of has a snobby attitude towards other kids. She thinks she’s better than them since her mom is a strong Shinobi. They only people she feels inferior to is the Uchiha clan. Fugaku Uchiha is the only one her mom could never beat when they were younger so she plans to continue the rivalry for her mother with the next generation of Uchiha. (Unfortunately, Itachi is a victim of this pestering.) When she gets older, she actually becomes a bit more hotheaded but has a calm demeanor in most situations. But sometimes people see this as her being snobby and looking down on them. She is a bit selfish, especially when it comes to her life.
Alright! From what I see so far, everything seems pretty fine to me! I honestly don’t see any flaws here. She’s pretty human. :D
Clan Info:
Clan Name: Mato clan.
Symbol: A bear claw with a silhouette of a bear on the inside.
History: it was originally a larger clan in Hoshigakure. But during the third Shinobi war, they were scattered around the world to help cease the fighting. Most are presumed dead or in hiding. The clan was founded before the first Shinobi war when their ancestors made a pact with the bear spirits making it so only their family blood can make a contract with them. Kind of like the “sage mode,” they can sync their strength with their bear spirit and temporarily have the strength of a bear, which can kill a man in one hit. But it’s very tiring so they mostly resort to Taijutsu. They connect with bear spirits at a young age and once they make a contract with a spirit, they all get a mark somewhere on their body in the shape of their clan symbol that appears when they summon their bear spirit. Mei’s is on her right shoulder blade/clavicle while Umiko’s is on the nape of her neck. Their clan beliefs are surrounded by the idea of “love” being the strongest fighting technique the clan has. Bears are normally feared and admired at the same time for its strength and power. The bear symbolizes strength, confidence, courage, and the healer for mental and physical pain. Which is where the Kekkai Genkai comes in.
Kekkai Genkai: Since the bear represents healing and protection, the Mato clan members have an ability. When they feel a strong sense of love for someone, they can use their chakra and connect it to theirs and give them strength and life. It’s normally used when someone they love is dying. But as the person heals and lives on, the former one who connected their chakra to them, gets weaker and eventually dies. It’s a hidden technique and they don’t speak of it often since it’s a clan secret. People assume the family’s Kekkei Genkai is the power and strength of the bear but it’s actually the healing ability they have. It only works when you feel a strong sense of love for someone and if they are about to pass on. But it has to be a strong sense of love. Like for immediate family or lover. If the body has been dead for one hour, they can’t do anything, the spirit is already gone. And all the body parts and organs must be intact. But the revived humans Chakra is cut roughly in half until the source of chakra from the other person finally dies.
Specialty: Taijutsu and Chakra control. They are fast and have the speed to land a good blow but are usually low on stamina so if an enemy is able to block all their moves and tire them out, it spells bad news for them.
I like the clan. I love me some bears. The spirit aspect of it all is a little iffy as we haven’t had much to do with spirits within the Narutoverse. But hey, there is always a first.
I like how your KG has reasonable drawbacks. Reviving people is such a touchy subject as just the mention of resurrection is seen to be OP as it’s something against nature and logic but hey, it’s Narutoverse. I also like how it effects the user of the jutsu as well. May I suggest possibly making large chakra reserves a must have though for someone to use the ability? I’d imagine it takes a LOT of chakra to do it all.
Abilities:
Bear fist: Gives them the strength of a bear in their punch and can kill someone with one hit if they hit them in the right spot. Like the chest or head. Even if they were to hit someone’s arm or leg, it could actually tear blow the limb off (Have you ever SEEN a bear attack something? Some scary stuff.)
[Get that right spot hnnnngggg yes daddy. But yeah, I love me some brute strength!]
Bear palm: Condensing a large amount of chakra to the palm of their hand and with one thrust of their palm, they could destroy almost everything in the blows path. But this move is tiring since the more chakra you use, the more power the attack has.
[Super strong is super strong. Love it. <3]
If they are strong enough, they can actually project their bear and give them a physical form. Much like the summoning Jutsu but this form makes them appear almost transparent and even larger by infusing them with Chakra. They can use these for fighting large summoned beasts or long range fighting. Unlike the Susano’o, this isn’t an ultimate defense. It’s normally used for offense when they need to rest and restore their chakra to fight again. The bear has a bond with that person so it will protect them. So normally the clan members aren’t really affected by Genjutsu. Since the bear spirit could enter a rush of chakra into their bodies when it senses the host in danger and that typically breaks the genjutsu
[I like how you mentioned how it’s not like Susano’o, as it did seem like it to a point, but ay. Like before, I’d hope it takes a lot of chakra to do this. Large chakra reserves is good. Also, do the bears have personalities? <3]
History: She grew up in Konoha but her mom came to Konoha when she was a little girl from Hoshigakure. Her father is originally from Konoha. Her little sister Umiko was born in Konoha when Mei was 2. Mei’s real father, Katsuya, died when she was 3. Then her mom, Yume, remarried a civilian named Natsuhiko when Mei turned 5. Mei graduated from the Academy at age 13 like everyone else. When Mei was 9, her little sister Umiko was kidnapped by the Iwa village to learn more about their family Kekkei Genkai since most of them died out during the Third Shinobi war. When Yume arrives to save her, Umiko has been beaten half to death because of the struggle she put up. Yume decides to connect her chakra to Umiko to save her life and eventually end her own. Mei doesn’t know about this but grows suspicious when her mom retires as a Shinobi because of an “injury.” Eventually, when Mei turns 16 and Umiko is 14, Yume passes away which is 6 years after the kidnapping. Mei finally learns the truth about what her mom did when her mom’s bear spirit didn’t disappear. It actually transferred itself into Umiko and she has her bear symbol in the exact same spot as her mother did. On the nape of her neck. When Natsuhiko takes his own life he says in his suicide letter that he can’t live without Yume and he can’t raise the daughter she gave up her life for the clan for. He says he believes Yume did it because she needed someone to take over the clan since she was “ill” and Umiko was the best candidate (unfortunately, he didn’t know about the Kekkei Genkai and assumed she did it for the village.) Mei begins to loathe her sister and becomes infuriated with her mom for not choosing to live her own life and leaving her all alone. And what’s worse is Mei doesn’t understand why she did it for the clan. Mei stops believing in the Will of fire because dying for another and the village is what’s caused her so much grief. Her mom chose to die for her sister and her dad died for the village. Noble deaths, maybe, but it doesn’t make her happy. Her parents aren’t there with her so she refuses to die for anyone but herself. Which is where the story should take off. But later on in the story, when Mei turns 20 (the coming of age for the Japanese) she is presented a letter her mom left her, saying she sacrificed herself for her sister out of love which is where she explains how their Kekkei Genkai works. Because when she was growing up her mom would say “It’s something you have to feel. It can’t be taught.“
A. 6 years to die? Wow. Did she show severe change in health? Like a drastic decline?
B. Poor lil Umiko. 7 years old when kidnapped. :(
C. I like how Umiko has her mother’s bear within her. Sort of reminds me of Harry Potter where Severus Snape inherits Lily Potter’s patronus after her death.
D. Mei has character flaws! Yay!
E. I want to know what happens to Umiko as she grows up as well. How she reacts to her sister’s coming of age and attitude.
I hope you all liked it and please give me any important critiques. I’m all about constructive criticism. I got most of my bear symbolism from Native American tribes I read about in case you were thinking I pulled this information from my ass or something. Heheh…
Well, thank you for reading!
[Overall, I like your OC. The story is great and I’d love to read it! <3
Considering the feel I get from this character critique, I’d like to think that it’s not only Mei’s story but both her and Umiko’s story. <3333333]
Thank you for submitting and I hope I helped! - Dom
