#gabrielle jimenez

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Talking to children about death

I was with a gentleman recently who was far too young to die... and his greatest ache was saying goodbye to his daughter, who hadn't hit her teen years yet... so you can only imagine how hard this was going to be for her to absorb. Added to the difficulty for her, was that no one really explained to her what was happening, she did not understand that her dad was dying until it was a few short hours before he did. She knew he wasn't well, but not that her time with him was limited. One of the thi

As you know, I follow this Hospice Blog and it does have some gems I like to share.

This is one of them.

Please, I know that death is hard. It’s supposed to be hard and difficult when a loved one passes, no matter how much acceptance we have for death. A person dying is still an end to your interactions with them.

Let children know what’s going on, so they can say goodbye and have closure, too. 

I was told as a child, in a way I could understand. As such, I don’t have any lingering regrets or “what ifs” in regards to my great grandfather’s passing. I’m at peace with it. I was there to see him, and I understood he would be gone, forever. 

We can’t keep death as a taboo, when it can happen at any time. 

Even a child’s friend, in their age group, CAN die. 

Or a pet, more likely. 

Let them know. 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Is there room in the hospice team for an end-of-life doula?

I have been a hospice nurse for a few years now, and it is without a doubt, the work that I was always meant to do. Working in end-of-life care has become a constantly evolving opportunity for personal growth. I am definitely not the same person I was when I first started working in hospice, and I am comfortable saying that I am a better version of myself because of what I do. I have been blessed to work with some of the kindest and most compassionate humans and I accept, always, that I do not k

The hospice heart is another blog I follow. Though it does not deal with thanatophobia directly, I feel that it offers a lot of information about the dying process, and those who work around it.

I was thus delighted to see a post about end-of-life doulas, because I think this needs to be talked about more, and a more available career path. So, I am going to share their thoughts, as someone in hospice, here on my blog. 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

The voice on the other end of the phone

One of the things I have really grown deep appreciation for while working in hospice, is the different members of the team and the role they each play in providing comfort and support to patients and families. I admire and respect every member of the team, often being especially vocal about the home health aides and vo

I’m certain many people have had different experiences with Hospice. 

I know one thing: they cared for my paternal grandparents, and through that process, they also cared for my dad. I am eternally grateful to the care that they took in serving my family, at the end. 

I know not everyone will have good experiences with hospice -- we as people are different, and so are the groups we make to serve each other. 

I bring this up because I found the blog The Hospice Heart, where many of the blogs are written by a Gabrielle Jimenez. The one linked is written by her, and I think it does us good to look at death from this point of view, as well -- from those who work with it daily. 

I’ve done a lot in looking at mortuary and funeral rituals here, and I will forever recommend Caitlin from “Ask A Mortician” for any and all information relating to that, but I have not done as much in looking into caretakers for the end of life. It’s something I have an interest in myself, and something I feel we all need to be more informed about.

The article above is a comforting one, about the people who take calls “after hours” from those who are living with the dying. It’s a gentle read about the care this hospice group puts into their patients, and how they try to be there for them, at all hours, even “after hours”.

Her blog is full of plenty of other good reads, and I will recommend it in general to get an idea of the mindset of one in this job, as well as what they’ve seen and experienced with their patients. You may thus find relief in hearing about near-death experiences, in knowing how others have moved on since the death of a loved one, in how their death impacted the workers, or how they found peace at the end of the line. In the future, I hope to explore this blog further, to include articles that may be more relevant to the fear itself, or how people deal with death when they know they’re dying.

For now, I think this is a nice, feel good read, in a strange way, and I leave you with that for today.

And of course, a gentle reminder that you can impact people who cross your path just as much, through your own kindness. 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

The guy at Dunkin Donuts noticed I was coming over more frequently. He pointed it out. He asked how I was doing.

“I’m okay.” 

“Ah, yeah, been there. Okay’s better than bad.” 

I guess my support system now includes Dunkin Donuts. 

But real talk, this blog, and the author, hits it home on responding to this question in the midst of grief. 

This was added on her Facebook page, and I appreciated it, so I’m quoting it here:  “So here is what I want to share... when people lose someone they love, do not stop checking in. I feel like the daily calls and text messages can slow down a bit, but weeks later, I can assure you that person is counting the days their person has been gone, realizing the length of time it has been, which means that they are constantly being reminded that someone they love is no longer here. Imagine how this must feel when it hits the one year mark, or the five year mark, or even longer. That is a long time to miss someone. That is when they (we) need you the most. We don't want to take this walk alone... we really do want you there with us. We need you, even on our good days. “