The sun was setting over the neighborhood, the tightly packed apartments lights flicking on as their occupants got home. Frank always loved this time of year, the early nights were nice. He could justify sleeping early by saying the sun was down. It wasnt like he had a job anymore, so when he unlocked his door, he just wanted to lay down.
He clicked the lights to the dark apartments entryway on, alerting lois off the couch and to scramble across the cold floor. He laughed a bit as he shut the door behind him, the warmth a welcome sensation. He pushed past lois, hanging his keys on the hook and pulling off his jacket. The smell of cat feces and rotting food got worse the further into the shoebox he went, a sour smell that burned his nose. He threw his bag over the top of the couch, rubbing his eyes and heading for the kitchen.
Dinner was all the animals actually wanted, he could see missy sitting in front of her bowl, screaming for attention in the lonely absence of her caretaker. Frank didnt know who she called her caretaker anymore, he was the one that took care of her now, but did she remember gee? How much he had paid for her, to dote on her as if she was the center of her world, letting that cat get as fat as she wanted, and scooped her shit.. Did she remember? Did she care? Surely she had to, but it really wasnt something he would ever know for certain.
“Alright, jesus, you could skip a meal you know,” frank muttered, "wouldn't kill you. Might be for the better you football.”
Missy didnt care. As usual.
Frank sighed, grabbing a can from the dwindling pile of cans that he had bought, further pushing missy to be as loud as her body could handle. Lois was whining next to her, tapping her claws on the tile as frank prepared the cats food, putting it on the ground for her. Lois was practically shaking as frank opened the second can, her drool hanging from her mouth as she whined. Frank couldnt help but smile, the dog was a light in his life while missy was a reminder.
“Eugh,” frank recoiled, wiping the gravy mix from the can onto his pants before pouring the slop on the paper plate and placing it on the floor. He didnt wait for lois or missy to finish, he stepped over them and headed for the confines of his room. Maybe there he could relax.
“Frank?”
Frank whipped around, quickly being pulled out of his skin as he searched for the voice, a hoarse whisper of his name. There had to be an explanation, he wasnt losing his mind, was he? Was he seriously being haunted?? What the fuck was happening??
“Hello??” he cautiously called out, limbs shaking as he peeked around the corner of the hallway to the bedrooms. Nothing. He didnt know what he was expecting, he was being haunted. He had to be. There wasnt a history of hallucinations in his family and someone close to him had recently died. He needed some sage or something, this was scary. He slowly trembled into his bedroom, pushing open the door and shuffling in. He turned on the lamp, stepping over piles of laundry and debris and flopping into his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, not bothering to undress before he let himself tuck under the covers. He had a long day, he deserved a little nerve damage from his binder as a treat.
The bustle of the street below droned through his still bedroom, the bustling streets that were calming when he first moved in were becoming unbearable. The ambiance wasnt nice anymore, he just wanted to hear quiet again.
“You know you could try noise canceling headphones. They help me.” gerard said, smiling at frank standing in the doorway. Frank groaned, faking a pout as he held his pillow under his arm.
“You mean you dont want to have a sleepover?” frank teased, walking into the messy room. There were art supplies everywhere, except for small loveseat frank slept on at every opportunity.
“Frank…” gerard giggled, leaning back in his drafting tables chair, stretching his back over the chairs back.
“What? Your gonna kick your favorite room mate out when he cant sleep from the noise from the horribly loud street? You kick me out like trash?” frank snickered, knowing he had gotten his way when gerard returned to his drawing.
“No, you can stay. You ARE my favorite room mate after all,” gerard sighed, hunching over his paper with the most shrimp like posture he could manage. Frank could comment on it over and over, but he still wouldnt fix it.
“Get a corset,” he said, grabbing a chocolate from gerards stash. Gerard snorted, but didnt look up.
“Why?? You want to see how small my waist is? You can just grab it.” he said, catching frank off guard to the point he almost choked.
“Maybe i will,” frank said as calmly as he could manage. Stay calm, stay cool, he could win this faux argument.
“No you wont. You dont have the guts.” gerard taunted, glancing over at frank curled up on the black sofa. Frank rolled his eyes, scoffing at gerards retort.
“Come find out,” frank chewed on the candy, his voice mumbled as he chewed on the almond chunks mixed in the hersheys. Frank watched gerard, he watched his brain process what frank had said. It was always so scary when gerard genuinely considered doing something frank dared him to do, you could see his brain turn the gears. His eyes went blank and he scrunched his lips into the corner of his mouth like he was sucking on a warhead, and then he would smile and give his verdict.
Gerard quickly stood up, startling frank as he walked over in his baggy teeshirt and shorts, standing with his hands on his hips. “You dont have the balls,”
Fuck. frank was in a corner he didnt know the way out of.
Frank slowly stood up, walking over to gerard with a mind so scrambled he couldnt pinpoint a thought to focus on. He looked at gerards face, slowly going red as frank closed the gap, the two men locking eyes as frank stopped in front of gerard.
“Hey..” gerard whispered, a scared little smile on his face as frank looked up at him. Frank inhaled a deep breath, quickly wrapping his hands around gerards waist and pulling him into himself as gerard squeaked. Franks brain was focused on one thing now: get in gerards pants.
“Hey,” he said softly, looking into gerards green eyes with a fiery passion that he had used only on girls and now gerard. “You know you play too much?”
“Frank… you..” gerard stuttered, leaning in closer and closer until their lips were centimeters from touching.
“Mhm?” frank hummed against gerards soft lips, his voice like honey. “What is it?”
“We can never do this again, ok?” gerard trembled, not waiting for a response as he crashed into franks lips, grabbing his face and kissing like his life depended on it. Frank let his eyes close as he kissed back, his mouth open as he whimpered and messily sucked on gerards bottom lip. He dug his nails into gerards sides and pulled him closer, the soft popping of lips echoing through the bedroom.
This was the 12th “never again”. There was always an again. There was always a reason it happened again, and always a even stronger love that refused to proclaim itself. It was always something, some reason that they couldnt just date, they just had to lie and say never again, and it hurt like a rusty knife in the heart. Frank would never be gerards choice, he was always going to be a second best. Frank knew this. Gerard didnt know how badly it hurt, but frank bore it all just so he could pretend every loud, sultry night was forever. But it never was.
